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Old November 8th, 2004, 04:31 PM   #61
Dante
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lol

Anniversary gift


After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it, to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."

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Old November 8th, 2004, 05:52 PM   #62
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lol!!!!

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
"I can stand brute force, but brute intellect..Well, thats like hitting below the logic"

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Old November 8th, 2004, 10:19 PM   #63
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lmao!

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It is about seeing beyond the imperfections.
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Old November 9th, 2004, 06:31 AM   #64
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Man my life sucks


A cucumber, pickle and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked.

The cucumber said, "Man my life sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad."

So the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar."

The penis glared at both of them and said, " You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone puts a rubber tarp over my head, sticks me in a dark room, and bangs my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out.

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Old November 9th, 2004, 05:09 PM   #65
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lol

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Old November 9th, 2004, 06:30 PM   #66
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lol, thats funny, i told people at school that and they laughed their faces off...

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
"I can stand brute force, but brute intellect..Well, thats like hitting below the logic"

I always love helping people and answering questions. So if you want to know something, or just to talk, I'll always be here for you. Also, ask me for my MSN e-mail, and we can talk there too.
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Old November 9th, 2004, 06:40 PM   #67
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uhh we are kinda off topic here...and i dont know anymore jokes...ill go find somemore...

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
"I can stand brute force, but brute intellect..Well, thats like hitting below the logic"

I always love helping people and answering questions. So if you want to know something, or just to talk, I'll always be here for you. Also, ask me for my MSN e-mail, and we can talk there too.
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Old November 11th, 2004, 04:11 PM   #68
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Love thy teacher

A boy comes home from school one day and excitedly tells his father,
“Guess what? I had sex with my teacher today!”



The father smiles and says, “I’m proud of you, son.



You’re a bit young, but the day a man loses his virginity is a day to
celebrate.



I’ll take you out for a fancy dinner, then I’ll buy you a new bicycle!”



“Dinner sounds great, Dad,” the son replies, “but can we hold off on the
bike?



My butt is still a little sore.”

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Old November 11th, 2004, 04:12 PM   #69
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EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! thats just wrong....

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
"I can stand brute force, but brute intellect..Well, thats like hitting below the logic"

I always love helping people and answering questions. So if you want to know something, or just to talk, I'll always be here for you. Also, ask me for my MSN e-mail, and we can talk there too.
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Old November 11th, 2004, 04:15 PM   #70
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i know but its funny

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Old November 12th, 2004, 03:01 PM   #71
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k nope it is
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Old November 13th, 2004, 04:56 PM   #72
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AH!
I smell something...
-sniff-
HEY! What smells like blue?


I love that 1!

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Old November 13th, 2004, 05:38 PM   #73
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uhhhmmm, o-kay then...

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
"I can stand brute force, but brute intellect..Well, thats like hitting below the logic"

I always love helping people and answering questions. So if you want to know something, or just to talk, I'll always be here for you. Also, ask me for my MSN e-mail, and we can talk there too.
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Old November 13th, 2004, 08:47 PM   #74
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Brace yourself


Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success.

Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan.

They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.

Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him."

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?"

The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

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Old November 13th, 2004, 09:31 PM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin
see, thats why you have 700 posts...becuase of posts like that...
no, i have over 700 posts because i like 2 help people and not critisize others...thats y kevin, thats y...

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
"I can stand brute force, but brute intellect..Well, thats like hitting below the logic"

I always love helping people and answering questions. So if you want to know something, or just to talk, I'll always be here for you. Also, ask me for my MSN e-mail, and we can talk there too.
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Old November 13th, 2004, 11:14 PM   #76
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guys stop arguing

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Old November 14th, 2004, 12:32 AM   #77
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kevin! go 2 my diary please, we could fight there...and 2...remember, what goes around, comes around...anyway...





Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands

By
Gerhard Reinke
IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk?
This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”

FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?
Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”

ITALY
“Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?
I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”

POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”

GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”

TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at?
It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”

KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”

CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”

ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”

SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs?
Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”

YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?”

INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees?
Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”

ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”

CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money.”

SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow.
Your women can shave if they want to, right?
Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?”

SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”

MEXICO
“What's that smell?”

SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car?
Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”

RUSSIA
“Is it always this cold and economically devastated?”

UZBEKISTAN
“Can you spell Uzbekistan?”

GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."

AFGHANISTAN
“Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”

JAPAN
“What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?”

AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?”

AMERICA
“Was John Wayne gay?”

^this is SO wrong, but this was from joke.com...SO WRONG!!!

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
"I can stand brute force, but brute intellect..Well, thats like hitting below the logic"

I always love helping people and answering questions. So if you want to know something, or just to talk, I'll always be here for you. Also, ask me for my MSN e-mail, and we can talk there too.
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Old November 14th, 2004, 10:26 AM   #78
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that is so wrong,lol

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Old November 14th, 2004, 10:26 AM   #79
AC.wAkeBoArDin.06
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very funny....i like

The Years Have Been Short, But The Days Go Slowly By.
~The Shins
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Old November 14th, 2004, 10:31 AM   #80
Dante
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3 men in Saudi


An American, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze.

Then Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia.

For the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished.

The extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each with a whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Dutchman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Dutchman in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The American was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the American replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

The American replied: "Tie the Frenchman to my back."

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