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Old August 15th, 2013, 01:27 AM   #1
Join Date: January 3, 2009
Location: Virginia, USA
Gender: Female
Default Too fast? Should I take a chance? Your experiences, help!

Ummm sooo this is probably going to sound really ridiculous to some people but just tell me it sounds ridiculous because it's honestly how I feel. So I'm 18 and I'm about to go to college in a couple days and I'm less than savvy in the dating arena. I've had one serious two year no judgement, being that it was online we obviously never even touched.

Well there's this guy that I like I've seen him about three times in the past month with my friends. I haven't kissed a guy before, and in my head I always planned to wait at least a couple weeks into a relationship before kissing a guy. But this guy liked me and I liked him and he just....well kissed me. He kissed me once and I told him I didnt know how....I know whatever lame, again dont judge, but he said "I'll show you" and then we basically made out--i took his lead.

I mean yeaaaahhh I like him, but I'm going to college. I told him that. I told him i don't think anything would really work between us. I just...I mean I don't feel dirty....I'm just not sure I feel right about it...I went from never kissing anyone to making out and letting him grab my behind....I mean I just don't know, am I putting to many obstacles up to a relationship? Should I see if a relationship could work while I was away at school? What have you done with your partner, and how soon, and how do you know what feels right and when to take a chance and when not to? ....I kissed before we were officially dating....does that make is that normal? Should I feel bad? If not what should I do so I DON'T feel bad...I know I asked a lot feel free to post a long reply...i would actually prefer you did because I'm obviously kinda frazzled

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Old August 15th, 2013, 01:35 AM   #2
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Default Re: Too fast? Should I take a chance? Your experiences, help!

Well, I've only ever been in one relationship (lasted 3 months btw) so I'm not a relationship guru, but it kinda sounds like you're over thinking this. Nothing will happen if you don't want it to happen so if you don't want to start a relationship with him and try out a relationship in college then so be it. Relationships will move at the pace and direction you want them to move, don't worry.
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Old August 15th, 2013, 02:46 AM   #3
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Default Re: Too fast? Should I take a chance? Your experiences, help!

Well with my current boyfriend we kissed on the first day we met, pretty much after that we started dating. So i guess nothing is really too fast if you're comfortable with how the pace is going.

My boyfriend is going to college in september for three years, we're going to try and work it out. If you want to try for a relationship while at school, then i wish you luck. Its going to be a pretty big sacrifice as you cant see your significant other whenever you like.

I dont have much advice to give but i mean, do whatever you think is right.
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Old August 15th, 2013, 10:29 AM   #4
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Default Re: Too fast? Should I take a chance? Your experiences, help!

Originally Posted by chickensandwich View Post
So i guess nothing is really too fast if you're comfortable with how the pace is going.
This ^

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Old August 16th, 2013, 04:02 PM   #5
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Default Re: Too fast? Should I take a chance? Your experiences, help!

I'm thinking you're just a little nervous about the new relationship, especially since coming from an online one which would have never been physically intimate. This is new for you and because things are moving fast, you're finding those obsticles in your mind to doubt things. I think you should not worry too much about the obsticles and enjoy the relationship. However, if things go to places you're not comfortable with, then you should talk to him and slow things down.


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Old August 16th, 2013, 06:42 PM   #6
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Default Re: Too fast? Should I take a chance? Your experiences, help!

Here's a few points to keep my answer quick and concise:

- you can take things as fast or slow as you feel comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with 'obstacles' if it sets the pace you want to move at. If someone is not respectful of that, they're not worth dating. That being said, you try new things in every relationship so don't be afraid to do so. It's normal to feel a bit hesitant. It's if you feel definitely uncomfortable that you have the right to say stop.

- you can do anything you want to do in a relationship or otherwise and no one else can judge that. Some people will not kiss someone until they're 'officially' dating them. Other people kiss (or have sex even) with whomever they please for their own reasons. So no, you shouldn't feel bad.

There aren't set steps to relationships or dating or whatnot. I've had partners that I flirted with for years before dating and even then we never got past kissing. Or partners I flirted with briefly, dated, had sex for the first time with them after only a month. With each individual person, it felt different and it was what I was comfortable doing. I've kissed people I have not dated and will never date. Just for fun really.

Don't think too much about it and just go with it. You'll know when you want to do something and you'll also know when you want to say no. You don't need to keep track of how fast or slow things are going as long as you are happy and enjoying yourself. I think college will sort itself out. See where this goes and if you want to pursue it during college. If not, there's nothing wrong with that.

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