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Old January 2nd, 2008, 04:42 AM   #1
RIP_banana
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Default really stressed out!

i dont no what to do. i am trying sooo hard to eat. but i really feel like i am starting to cave. tonight my family had chicken and chips for dinner. so i ate it. now i am fully stressing out, i feel so bad and disgusting. i really feel like i need to get it out of me. i am not coping! i am trying so hard not to ake myself sick. but i dont no how long i can coup!

you may know from previous post that i have eating disorda.
i really dont want to let my boyfriend down.
but i cant do this.
what do i do!!

AAAAARGGHHHHH!
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Old January 2nd, 2008, 06:08 AM   #2
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Default Re: really stressed out!

The important thing to remember is that everyone struggles when they are trying to beat something like an ED. Try not to get yourself too wound up by the thought of having a relapse and actually purging. If you get too wound up by these thoughts then the likelihood that you can fight them properly decreases.

Are there things you can do to distract yourself in these times?
Maybe a crossword or sudoku puzzle. Something that engages your mind might help.

Are you getting support from a counsellor or someone you see face-to-face?


~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step ~

* Nothing in the world has ever been accomplished without passion *
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Old January 2nd, 2008, 06:32 PM   #3
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Default Re: really stressed out!

well. i caved.
i threw up.
i was up to about 1 week of not doing it and i did it. i feel so helpless. i feel so much better now that i did it, but i also feel really bad. like i let my boyfriend down.

i dont get professional help. because i dont tell any one. the only person that i have really told is my boyfriend. and he said that he was gfoing to help me. he calls me all the time to check up on me. i mean i coup when his not around. but when his gone i cant do it i stress out.

yer, i have things like that. but they only keep my occupied for a little amount of time. what do i do after that??

i really want to beat this thing for everyone who loves me. but i just dont feel strong enough. when i eat. i freak out, i start to stress, and get really panicy. most of the time i just try to go to sleep. but last night it was so strong. i could concentrate on anything else. and i purged

thanks.
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Old January 2nd, 2008, 06:43 PM   #4
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Default Re: really stressed out!

The best way you can beat this is with a lot of support. Go to your doctor. Make the first step on the road to recovery and speak with a doctor. He/she will help you through this and get you the help you need.

The only way you can beat something like this is with that support. Take your boyfriend along with you if it's all a tad too scary.

I hope you are doing ok, feel free to message me anytime x


~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step ~

* Nothing in the world has ever been accomplished without passion *
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Old January 4th, 2008, 12:43 AM   #5
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Default Re: really stressed out!

thanks.
i really dont want to go to the doctor. i dont want any one to kinda know.
i have a real hard time opening up to poeople about it.
i have such a huge phobia of putting on weight. or being fat. i look at people and feel sick because i see i tiny bit of fat on them. i am constantily thinking about fat, and i weight myself everytime i would eat something. i weigh myself at least 5 times a day. t make sure it doenst change.

i weighed myself yesterday, and i put on like half a kilo, i was soo disgusted i made myself sick.

last night it was like my worst night mare, my boyfriend took me out for dinner, i tried so hard to get out of it, but i couldnt. i think he did it on pourpose. he found out about my troubles eating again, when we got home he we got into a fight. he sees my a skinnng, aneroxic. i see me as FAT FAT FAT!

it is really putting stress on our relationship.

what to do, what do do!
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Old January 4th, 2008, 05:52 AM   #6
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Default Re: really stressed out!

you need to open up to a doctor. you don't need to open up to family or anyone like that. just a doctor. then he can help you.


~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step ~

* Nothing in the world has ever been accomplished without passion *
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Old January 10th, 2008, 11:02 PM   #7
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Default Re: really stressed out!

is there like a way to go and see a doctor and not have any one find out?
well since i am suposed to be eating, i have lost 2 kilos and i now eat less.
i am trying so hard but i dont think it is hard enough.
the thing is, everyone wants me to be healthy and eat and put on weight. i dont. i really dont want to. i mean i die at the trought of being fat, or puttiong on weight. i wish to be more skinnier then what i am. i dont want to be fat anything.
what is wrong with me.

gaaahhh!

oh and my boyfriend is on a "break" from me. he said that maybe i need to get away from him, so i get better. what the hell does that mean!

Last edited by RIP_banana; January 11th, 2008 at 01:31 AM.
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Old January 10th, 2008, 11:24 PM   #8
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Default Re: really stressed out!

Carole is giving you her (usual) good advice. Listen to her, she speaks wisely.

I think your b/f is telling you he needs you to get better (get control over your eating issues), and he cannot stand by and watch any longer. Which is probably understandable, he's a little freaked. It's a lot to watch someone you really care for waste away and be helpless to stop it.

You need to see a doc, regardless of who knows or who finds out. You can't seem to get a grip on this alone, so you should get some help. A lot of people can deal with pressures or issues or behaviors on their own, so they can make the choice to not see a doc. But in your case, that doesn't seem to be working, you're still bothered by this, and it seems others are, too.

Just go. They will help you.
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Old January 10th, 2008, 11:32 PM   #9
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Default Re: really stressed out!

hmm.. thanks for your help.
where do i go to get this help?

i am really just not feeling good at all. i understand where my boyfriend is coming from in a way, but i thought that he loved me, and now its like he is ditching me.

i can't really explain what is going on with me, besides the fact that i have an eating disorda. i guess a part of me wants to get better, but then i feel like there is a bigger part of me that doesn't, or feels like it can't. i am not a very strong person, not eating or vomiting it just what i do, its what i am used to.

it just... i can't explain it all.
everyone must think i am stupid or something.

thank you sam and carole.
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Old January 11th, 2008, 04:46 AM   #10
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Default Re: really stressed out!

*hugs* You're welcome, we are always here to help.

Making an appointment with your doctor is the first step on the road to recovery. They are then able to get you the help you need. The thought of actually doing this is scary, I know. But it will help if you allow it.

Your boyfriend sounds as if he really does care. If he didn't then he wouldn't want you to get better. Sometimes it is easier to heal when you are not in a romantic relationship because they all come with their own pressures, stresses and strains. Sometimes it's not. Either way, you have to try.

Quote:
Originally Posted by banana View Post
i can't really explain what is going on with me, besides the fact that i have an eating disorda. i guess a part of me wants to get better, but then i feel like there is a bigger part of me that doesn't, or feels like it can't.
You don't sound stupid. You sound extremely troubled and in lots of pain. This ^ caught me a bit off guard, if I am to be honest. Not because it is a bad thing to say. But because I have said and felt something similar. I'm just theorising, but are you afraid of trying to get better and failing? Are you scared of facing all your demons?
Getting help will be scary and difficult at times. But it will be worth it.


~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step ~

* Nothing in the world has ever been accomplished without passion *
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Old January 11th, 2008, 05:15 AM   #11
RIP_banana
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Default Re: really stressed out!

well i rang up my docotor.
and guess what.
i cant get in for about a month.
she is away for 2 weeks then all booked out.

now what!
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Old January 11th, 2008, 05:17 AM   #12
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Default Re: really stressed out!

I'm sure there's more than one doctor near you...
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Old January 11th, 2008, 05:20 AM   #13
RIP_banana
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Default Re: really stressed out!

there is, but there not my docotor.
i dont feel comfortable doing this at all. but if i have to i really want it to be my docotor.

gaahhhh..

why does this have to be soo hard??
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Old January 13th, 2008, 03:26 AM   #14
RIP_banana
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Default Re: really stressed out!

i just want to say sooory, if i was being a bitch.
i am just really stressed out out the minute.
so sorrry if i came off a bit feral.

thanks to everyone who help.
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Old January 13th, 2008, 07:59 AM   #15
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Default Re: really stressed out!

its absolutely fine we totally understand that your stressed so you may be edgy at the moment, my sister has the same problem with her doctor and she swapped doctors. if your really wanting to see a doctor change doctors, you may even like the new one more

- Patrick
(The Ginger Scot!)


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Old January 13th, 2008, 08:15 PM   #16
RIP_banana
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Default Re: really stressed out!

thanks for being understanding.
well.. i rang up a different doctor and i am going into see her tomorrow. i am super nervous and scared. i reallly dont want to do it. but i know i have to.

wish me luck or something.x
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Old January 14th, 2008, 05:55 PM   #17
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Default Re: really stressed out!

Good for you for doing this! Bravo! We forgive you, golly, we're human too!

It's OK to be nervous, there's alot of frankly scary stuff you have to deal with. But, remember that the therapist is on your side, and is there to help. Part of that is their ability to make you feel comfortable and safe bringing this stuff up and dealing with it. So, eventhough it might be scary, you'll be doing it with someone who know how to also make you feel better.

Just relax and be yourself. And good luck!
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Old January 15th, 2008, 01:44 AM   #18
RIP_banana
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Default Re: really stressed out!

well i did it!
i went to the docotor.
and she said that i really need help. that i am too far into this. and it ia a very strong case.
she said that she thinks it is best if i go to a hospital or like a treatment center or something. because i probably wont fixs this just at home.
she gave me all these brochers on places and she said to talk it over with my family.

OMG!
what is this what do i do.
about 1 month ago i thought that i didnt have a problem. and now they want to send me away. just a prisoner. like i have done something wrong!
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Old January 15th, 2008, 09:47 AM   #19
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Default Re: really stressed out!

Let's take this one step at a time, don't freak here.

First, it's really, really great you went to the doc and opened up with her. Telling her what was going on was a very important step. Good for you, you should be proud of yourself. If it matters at all, as a complete stranger, but someone with deep respect for humanity, I am too. Whenever someone exhibits real strength it is totally awesome to me, it reminds us what's best about us. Bravo!

Second, the doc is specifically trained to understand and assess your situation. If she said you should go to an in inpatient treatment facility, we should trust her. She's seen this before and knows what works best. If she's decided that this is best, it probably is. Talk it over with your folks, and if there's a doubt, get a second opinion, go to another doc for an independent evaluation.

OK, going to one is actually more scary in thought than reality. These places are like country clubs, they're spread out on vast campuses with a lot of space and a lot of activities and such. It's not at all like a 'prison', and the people you'll be with will be like you, not at all 'crazy'. Go check them out with your folks and if it doesn't appeal to you, go to another. It sounds like there are lots of places the doc suggested, I'm sure at least one will be (sorta) OK for you.

It's always frightening when we just go about living our lives doing what seems natural to us (in your case, not eating), and then suddenly a professional sees it much differently and shines a bright light onto the abnormalcy of it. It suddenly seems very real, how bad off it is, and how dangerous it could be. And, it's always more than a little unsettling when our belief about ourself is suddenly shattered.

However, remember that there are a lot of very good people in that facility who can help you see yourself and experience life in a much different, much healthier way. You've made an important step here. For the time being, just get used to the idea that things are about to change, for the better.

Good luck, and keep us informed!
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Old January 15th, 2008, 11:54 AM   #20
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Default Re: really stressed out!

going away will be the best thing for you, think of it as a little vacation that will turn your life around. you need to get better because it can cause so many other health problems. but props to you for going and getting help! thats the first step! very responsible. good luck!!!

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