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Old April 25th, 2013, 05:31 PM   #1
babytay1014
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Join Date: April 25, 2013
Gender: Female
Unhappy Why is this happening?

I hate being bipolar.I don't understand why life has to be so difficult. Either it's really good or it's completely terrible. I don't understand why guys don't like me. First, I start to think guys won't like me if I don't do stuff with them, but when I do, they call me disgusting names. Is that all I am to anyone now? A whore? A bitch?
My own mom won't even go to my cheer banquet. I don't see why everyone is against me. I've lost all of my close friends. Tori tells everyone my secrets. I thought she was a good friend but I guess not. Savannah only wants to be friends when it's convenient for her. I'm expendable to her. I miss my best friends. Cole doesn't talk to me anymore either. Everyone is too busy for me.
I don't even have my family to turn to. I have Mikayla. That's it. Her family actually cares. I don't know why. I'm just a screw up. I can't ever do anything right according to my mom. I can't even keep a boy. Hunter doesn't want to go to prom with me anymore. I feel like a loser not having a date. No one wants to go with me. I mean, why would they? I'm just an ugly whore. No one wants to be around me.
Braden treats me like crap. He says he kind of likes me, yet he treats me like crap. I don't understand. Nick won't even talk to me anymore. One night he's kissing me and telling me he likes me. The next he is ignoring all my messages and calls. The one guy I truly want threw me away like I was nothing. I love Brendan. I miss him more than anything. But I screwed that up too. Why do I screw everything up all the time?
I just want to be normal. This medicine doesn't seem to help at all. It's supposed to make me less depressed. Well that's not working. No one would care if I left forever. My mom said its better without me. My grandparents don't even want me going to their house. They act like I'm no longer family. My dad can only handle me for a short period of time.
I just feel unwanted by everyone. I've never really felt wanted before. I just want someone to actually care. My mom said I act depressed for attention. Has she ever stopped to think that maybe I'm upset all the time because she acts like I'm not good enough to be in her family. She always tells me that she doesn't even want to see me because I disgust her. How can a mother tell her child something like that?
I know I'm messed up and it feels like I can't be fixed, but I just want someone to be there for me. I just want someone to care. I hate this feeling that I constantly live with. A feeling of being unwanted by the people that should there for you. Everyone always says that family will always be there for you. That doesn't feel true to me. I have no one there for me. Everyone says my life is so perfect. It's not. It's far from perfect. I cry almost every night because everyone is turning their back on me. The time that I need someone the most is the time that nobody is truly there for me.
I know if I go back to my house, it's going to go back to the same old stuff. Snide remarks. Feelings of being unwanted. Feeling below everyone there. I hate my life. I hate myself for being such a screwup. I have to take pills to try to make me normal. They're supposed to make me feel better inside, but they don't. It makes me feel like nothing out there can help me.
Why couldn't I be born normal like Hayley? She gets treated like a princess at my house. I feel like I'm living in a fairy tale gone wrong. I'm a misfit in society. In school. At home. Everywhere. I'm not good at anything. Hayley's great at volleyball, cheer, school, and she's popular. Why couldn't that be me? My dad calls Hayley. Talks to Hayley. When I had my phone, he never once called ME. I'd be lucky if he even answered my calls. My dad doesn't even seem to want me. I know he tries his best, but why does everyone favor Hayley?
There are so many things wrong with me. Acne, unattractive, not skinny enough, anxiety, insomnia, bipolar depression, and the list goes on.. It's really upsetting. I just want to be skinny. To be pretty. To be popular again. What went wrong? It's not the fact that I lost my virginity.
People hated me before that. Me having sex just gave them a reason to hate me more. I'm a terrible person inside and out. Most people know that by now. That's why I can't keep a boyfriend for longer than a week. That's why I can't keep friends. I hate this feeling.
People at school make fun of me, hate me, and treat me differently for a reason I don't even know. I can't even talk to the school counselor. She acts like she's better than you as well. This school doesn't do jack shit about bullying. It's unfair. Bullying can lead to suicide. People need to be disciplined fairly. I got detention for writing a note, yet Spenser doesn't even get talked to when he calls me an anorexic whore in front of a teacher and on Facebook? That's not fair whatsoever.
Life's not fair. I've come to realize that. I'm self conscious about everything because of bullies like that. I act tough in front of others. The cheerleaders wouldn't have had their shirts or shorts. I'm the one that bought the paint. Did anyone pay me back? Like three people. Out of ten. I spent MY money and I can't even get treated with respect? That's bullshit. Coach took my big stunt out for the last game. EB still got both of her stunts. I didn't get the one thing I'd been working on. I worked so hard and she took it out.
All I can think about tonight is Brendan. I still love him. Everything was so perfect with him. We truly loved each other. I wish I knew what went wrong. Maybe I could have fixed it. I miss what we had. It's so depressing. I don't think I'll find something like that again. What we had... It was just perfect. The night at the lock in when we first met. He carried me around the pool. We fell asleep together on the bean bags and got in trouble because Lukas told Hayley. She got so mad. She said he'd never go for me. Well he did. And I fell in love. For the first time ever. I miss everything. The day at my house. I wish I would have kissed him. We had so many chances. Our first kiss was perfect though. I'll never forget it. We sat in my car for the longest time. I was so nervous. I had butterflies in my stomach for the rest of the day. I loved the day his family took us to the fair. We got matching bracelets. He still has his he said. I thinks it's so sweet. I miss everything. Nothing will ever be the same without him. Why does it seem that every time I meet someone, they end up hating me like everyone else? It hurts my feelings. I just am in one of those moods that I want to kill myself. I don't see the point in living right now. I have really high moments and then moments when I get really depressed and feel like everyone would be happier if I was dead.
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Old October 6th, 2013, 03:13 AM   #2
Katiya
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Name: Anonymous ...no really...
Join Date: September 27, 2013
Location: The Neverlands
Gender: Female
Default Re: Why is this happening?

Well this thread has been neglected for a long time but I thought I should add any way.

This would be better in the abuse section as its more related to that and there's more traffic there.

You deserve much better and it sounds like your parents are emotionally abusing you, which is WRONG! They should not call you names and ignore you while treating your sister better. That's just shameful of them! Especially saying you act for attention.

Tell some one about your home life, a school official or a doctor or trustworthy adult. Ask them to help you find help. Tell them how they treat you less than others. They should have some one talk to your parents about this at least.

Your a good person. School is unfortunately like that, I went through the same bullying. Don't bother with guys, at that age they are terrible.

Just remember your a person who has value and deserves better! Try to remember that

~I do not try to give advice as much as I do just point out facts as I have found people like to make their own decisions in life, not be told what one is best to make~


Please excuse my typos. I'm usually on my phone and it has issues.
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Old October 6th, 2013, 08:41 PM   #3
Dennis Chaney
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Name: Dennis
Join Date: October 2, 2013
Location: Texas
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Default Re: Why is this happening?

Quote:
Originally Posted by babytay1014 View Post
I hate being bipolar.I don't understand why life has to be so difficult. Either it's really good or it's completely terrible. I don't understand why guys don't like me. First, I start to think guys won't like me if I don't do stuff with them, but when I do, they call me disgusting names. Is that all I am to anyone now? A whore? A bitch?
My own mom won't even go to my cheer banquet. I don't see why everyone is against me. I've lost all of my close friends. Tori tells everyone my secrets. I thought she was a good friend but I guess not. Savannah only wants to be friends when it's convenient for her. I'm expendable to her. I miss my best friends. Cole doesn't talk to me anymore either. Everyone is too busy for me.
I don't even have my family to turn to. I have Mikayla. That's it. Her family actually cares. I don't know why. I'm just a screw up. I can't ever do anything right according to my mom. I can't even keep a boy. Hunter doesn't want to go to prom with me anymore. I feel like a loser not having a date. No one wants to go with me. I mean, why would they? I'm just an ugly whore. No one wants to be around me.
Braden treats me like crap. He says he kind of likes me, yet he treats me like crap. I don't understand. Nick won't even talk to me anymore. One night he's kissing me and telling me he likes me. The next he is ignoring all my messages and calls. The one guy I truly want threw me away like I was nothing. I love Brendan. I miss him more than anything. But I screwed that up too. Why do I screw everything up all the time?
I just want to be normal. This medicine doesn't seem to help at all. It's supposed to make me less depressed. Well that's not working. No one would care if I left forever. My mom said its better without me. My grandparents don't even want me going to their house. They act like I'm no longer family. My dad can only handle me for a short period of time.
I just feel unwanted by everyone. I've never really felt wanted before. I just want someone to actually care. My mom said I act depressed for attention. Has she ever stopped to think that maybe I'm upset all the time because she acts like I'm not good enough to be in her family. She always tells me that she doesn't even want to see me because I disgust her. How can a mother tell her child something like that?
I know I'm messed up and it feels like I can't be fixed, but I just want someone to be there for me. I just want someone to care. I hate this feeling that I constantly live with. A feeling of being unwanted by the people that should there for you. Everyone always says that family will always be there for you. That doesn't feel true to me. I have no one there for me. Everyone says my life is so perfect. It's not. It's far from perfect. I cry almost every night because everyone is turning their back on me. The time that I need someone the most is the time that nobody is truly there for me.
I know if I go back to my house, it's going to go back to the same old stuff. Snide remarks. Feelings of being unwanted. Feeling below everyone there. I hate my life. I hate myself for being such a screwup. I have to take pills to try to make me normal. They're supposed to make me feel better inside, but they don't. It makes me feel like nothing out there can help me.
Why couldn't I be born normal like Hayley? She gets treated like a princess at my house. I feel like I'm living in a fairy tale gone wrong. I'm a misfit in society. In school. At home. Everywhere. I'm not good at anything. Hayley's great at volleyball, cheer, school, and she's popular. Why couldn't that be me? My dad calls Hayley. Talks to Hayley. When I had my phone, he never once called ME. I'd be lucky if he even answered my calls. My dad doesn't even seem to want me. I know he tries his best, but why does everyone favor Hayley?
There are so many things wrong with me. Acne, unattractive, not skinny enough, anxiety, insomnia, bipolar depression, and the list goes on.. It's really upsetting. I just want to be skinny. To be pretty. To be popular again. What went wrong? It's not the fact that I lost my virginity.
People hated me before that. Me having sex just gave them a reason to hate me more. I'm a terrible person inside and out. Most people know that by now. That's why I can't keep a boyfriend for longer than a week. That's why I can't keep friends. I hate this feeling.
People at school make fun of me, hate me, and treat me differently for a reason I don't even know. I can't even talk to the school counselor. She acts like she's better than you as well. This school doesn't do jack shit about bullying. It's unfair. Bullying can lead to suicide. People need to be disciplined fairly. I got detention for writing a note, yet Spenser doesn't even get talked to when he calls me an anorexic whore in front of a teacher and on Facebook? That's not fair whatsoever.
Life's not fair. I've come to realize that. I'm self conscious about everything because of bullies like that. I act tough in front of others. The cheerleaders wouldn't have had their shirts or shorts. I'm the one that bought the paint. Did anyone pay me back? Like three people. Out of ten. I spent MY money and I can't even get treated with respect? That's bullshit. Coach took my big stunt out for the last game. EB still got both of her stunts. I didn't get the one thing I'd been working on. I worked so hard and she took it out.
All I can think about tonight is Brendan. I still love him. Everything was so perfect with him. We truly loved each other. I wish I knew what went wrong. Maybe I could have fixed it. I miss what we had. It's so depressing. I don't think I'll find something like that again. What we had... It was just perfect. The night at the lock in when we first met. He carried me around the pool. We fell asleep together on the bean bags and got in trouble because Lukas told Hayley. She got so mad. She said he'd never go for me. Well he did. And I fell in love. For the first time ever. I miss everything. The day at my house. I wish I would have kissed him. We had so many chances. Our first kiss was perfect though. I'll never forget it. We sat in my car for the longest time. I was so nervous. I had butterflies in my stomach for the rest of the day. I loved the day his family took us to the fair. We got matching bracelets. He still has his he said. I thinks it's so sweet. I miss everything. Nothing will ever be the same without him. Why does it seem that every time I meet someone, they end up hating me like everyone else? It hurts my feelings. I just am in one of those moods that I want to kill myself. I don't see the point in living right now. I have really high moments and then moments when I get really depressed and feel like everyone would be happier if I was dead.
I know exactly how you feel, yeah I may be a guy but hell I've been through what you went through and a whole lot more, and I can tell you that one guy isn't the end of the world, I was with my ex for 2 years and everything was perfect, then one day out of nowhere everything fell apart, at first I was devestated for about 2 months, but I got over it and realized, I'm young and I still am, people change. You have to stop trying to find love. Love needs to come to you, let it happen naturally, its so much easier that way. And my family hates me, I have NO friends, and I live with my dad who has abused me for most of my life and on top of that has tried poisoning me and killing me. But everyone treats my sister like a goddess, yet I get kicked out when I'm 10 years old. People have always made my life a living hell, you just have to learn how to ignore what people say and think about who you really are inside, totally ignore what everyone else says and think for yourself. And another thing that will help, is to find one thing if not more, about yourself that you like and use that to help you feel better about who you are, take me for example, I hate my body, my looks, my body parts, but the one thing I love about myself is that I treat people wonderfully, and I have a great personality unlike all the people who try to hurt me. And their are people that care about you, I for one do, you are never alone. Just please read this and take what I'm saying into consideration, I promise it will help you, it may not be very fast but it will help. Keep your head up girl.



Who are we to judge one another, for their is a larger picture that people always overlook, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


For people who are thinking of suicide please follow this link: http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/sh...d.php?t=193423
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Old October 6th, 2013, 08:43 PM   #4
Dennis Chaney
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Name: Dennis
Join Date: October 2, 2013
Location: Texas
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Default Re: Why is this happening?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiya View Post
Well this thread has been neglected for a long time but I thought I should add any way.

This would be better in the abuse section as its more related to that and there's more traffic there.

You deserve much better and it sounds like your parents are emotionally abusing you, which is WRONG! They should not call you names and ignore you while treating your sister better. That's just shameful of them! Especially saying you act for attention.

Tell some one about your home life, a school official or a doctor or trustworthy adult. Ask them to help you find help. Tell them how they treat you less than others. They should have some one talk to your parents about this at least.

Your a good person. School is unfortunately like that, I went through the same bullying. Don't bother with guys, at that age they are terrible.

Just remember your a person who has value and deserves better! Try to remember that
You are right, and I also posted stuff that I hope will help her and others too, I hope she reads our comments



Who are we to judge one another, for their is a larger picture that people always overlook, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


For people who are thinking of suicide please follow this link: http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/sh...d.php?t=193423
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