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Old December 25th, 2011, 07:30 AM   #1
ocdseeking
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Default my ocd is gone :(

after a traumatic argument with my family last night after which was caused by OCD and after which I fell asleep, I don't have OCD anymore. And I'm a little afraid since both the circumstances which caused it to disappear and the fact I don't have it anymore are..disturbing. Did something like that happened to you? Do I have a chance of it returning?
I really do want to have it back. I had it ever since elementary school and it's an integral part of me. Also, dealing with stress without it may be...hard.



Anyway, here's what happened. It's a little sick and I don't think the details are relevant, but still..I wrote it. It sorta helped me. Read at your own risk.


[spoiler]Yesterday my OCD brought me yet another argument with my parents.
I was moving a lamp back and forwards and my family didn't like the sound it made. Despite their screams and threats I kept doing it because I was certain I'll lose IQ if I won't.
Then they busted in and started screaming.
I....I did something I never did before. Something that hurt me more then anything else that happened that evening.
I tried to explain to them why I am moving the lamp. Sure , I told them what OCD generally is and that I have it long ago, but they didn't understand. So I tried to explain it to them right then, although it hurt a lot....but they kept screaming at me. So I threw my headphones at my mother's face, breaking them in the process. Then hit my grandmother in the face. My mother pissed herself, my grandmother started screaming. I don't know. I was already beginning to shut off by then .I tried explaining it to them again, what was I doing before, why can't they forbid me to OCD...but...yeah. They left the room. I was left alone. I opened the window. I grabbed my head. And I shut myself off from reality for..I dunno. Minutes. Hours. The skin on my head felt strange. Delusions started circling in my head. What if I lost IQ? Cause I didn't finish my routine? Cause of the argument? What if I damaged my nervous system? And so, and so. After some time, I laid on my bed..and fell asleep. When I shut myself off the world after receiving a huge amount of stress I usually have an urge to fall asleep.
But of course, as always, it didn't help. I had several nightmares, I woke up several times only to fall asleep again..also, I didn't wanted o awaken cause I didn't wanted to see and here the members of my family...and when I awoken 12 hours later(I usually sleep 5-6) I was as stressed as I was before sleeping. There were no emotions, no mood, just stress.
And there was no OCD.
So I listened to music.
Played games.
Tried to avoid my family.
Apologized.
Walked with my dog.
Masturbated.
Created some cool delusions.
Thought deeply about everything that happened that night, about past, about future.
My mood got better.
But the OCD didn't return.[/spoiler]

The events like that happen a lot at my house(few times a month, even).
But the OOC returns.
Now it didn't even though many hours passed.
I tried forcing it.
It didn't help.
Only the "obsessive" part comes back while I try to repeat my usually OCD activities.
But there is no compulsive.
Why didn't it return? How to make it return? How am I going to be without it? It takes minutes to deal with stress with OCD, it takes hours or days to do the same without it.
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Old March 29th, 2012, 09:25 PM   #2
NotASpyingRent
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Default Re: my ocd is gone :(

Given the limited information you provided me, I'm not totally convinced your OCD is gone. I would see a medical professional just to be sure.

Uh?
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Old March 29th, 2012, 09:49 PM   #3
StoppingTime
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Default Re: my ocd is gone :(

It doesn't just disappear.

Talk to your doctor if you are truly worried, but I think things will fix themselves.

Mikey was here



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