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Old June 8th, 2007, 07:51 PM   #1
forever.sleep
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Default i almost remember sometimes

it started when i was 7. we had a room under our stairs, my older brother use to lock me in there.i remember it was cold and dark and it smelt like a garage, dusty and old. thats when he raped me for the first time. it carried on for years. i remember the feeling everytime. how much it hurt, how much i hated him for it, most of all i remember all the hospital visits when i would fight back. when i was 9 we moved. i was relieved, no more room under the stairs. however my mom had just taken a new job which ment my older brother was supposed to take care of me. it didnt take him long to build a cage under our stairs in the basement. he would break beer bottles in the bottom of the cage and lock me in it. he usually only let me out when he wanted something if you know what i mean. when i was 10 i managed to pick the lock on the cage, and fight past him. i ran to my friends house and stayed there for as long as i could. that was until my mom made me come home, later that night he took a hammer and attacked me. when i got home from the hospital i was grounded, apparently he was also angry with my mom so he punched her... which of course made me get grounded. all my mom said was i should have known better then to piss him off again.

thats mostly all i remember clearly but it didnt stop until i was 15. why cant i remember the rest>? not that anyone would want those memories. i get glimses of them occasionally. i will hear a sound, or smell something and suddenly its like im right back there again. sometimes i have nightmares about it. but its always in little clips like a movie cut into pieces, and when i try to remember its not there. i keep thinking if i can just remember it then maybe i could deal with it and the nightmares and the fear would go away.
i dont know maybe im just crazy
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Old June 8th, 2007, 08:13 PM   #2
Maverick
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Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

Oh my gosh that's horrible! That's great news that its finally stopped but damn I couldn't imagine being in that kind of situation.

About remembering. Sometimes our mind blocks out the bad memories so that's why you don't remember them. It's a painful thing to reminisce about.

Have you ever talked to a therapist or counselor about what happened? If you haven't you should. Talking it out can help heal the pain you went through and come to terms with what happened.
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Old June 10th, 2007, 04:01 AM   #3
Hyper
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Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

Quote:
Originally Posted by forever.sleep View Post
it started when i was 7. we had a room under our stairs, my older brother use to lock me in there.i remember it was cold and dark and it smelt like a garage, dusty and old. thats when he raped me for the first time. it carried on for years. i remember the feeling everytime. how much it hurt, how much i hated him for it, most of all i remember all the hospital visits when i would fight back. when i was 9 we moved. i was relieved, no more room under the stairs. however my mom had just taken a new job which ment my older brother was supposed to take care of me. it didnt take him long to build a cage under our stairs in the basement. he would break beer bottles in the bottom of the cage and lock me in it. he usually only let me out when he wanted something if you know what i mean. when i was 10 i managed to pick the lock on the cage, and fight past him. i ran to my friends house and stayed there for as long as i could. that was until my mom made me come home, later that night he took a hammer and attacked me. when i got home from the hospital i was grounded, apparently he was also angry with my mom so he punched her... which of course made me get grounded. all my mom said was i should have known better then to piss him off again.

thats mostly all i remember clearly but it didnt stop until i was 15. why cant i remember the rest>? not that anyone would want those memories. i get glimses of them occasionally. i will hear a sound, or smell something and suddenly its like im right back there again. sometimes i have nightmares about it. but its always in little clips like a movie cut into pieces, and when i try to remember its not there. i keep thinking if i can just remember it then maybe i could deal with it and the nightmares and the fear would go away.
i dont know maybe im just crazy
Your not crazy, I can't remember shit about my life, including the good things

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
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Old June 10th, 2007, 09:39 AM   #4
Ironic Infidel In England
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Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

No, you're not crazy... I can't remember much of what happened to me either. my brain just shies away if I try... What I have is bad enough.

Seven melons will fall from the sky, and prophesy unto the heathens, who will proclaim: "HOLY SHIT! Talking melons!"
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Old July 10th, 2007, 09:48 AM   #5
heartagram72
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Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

u shouldve told ur dad
WOW this story is absolutely terrible
makes me think of myslef...tho im not abused.
u were raped
i used to cut
u get nightmares and it brings back horrible memories
i look at scars and bring back horrible memories....
of course ur problem was MUCH MUCH worse then mine
how old was ur bro during this?

~xXx for life~

"Behind your eyes, I see nothing, but fucking lies"



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Old July 12th, 2007, 09:29 PM   #6
Camazotz
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Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

That's what guns are for. No, jk. You have to tell the police. I swear if I could, I'd get a Secret Force to come to your house, take you and your mom out, and teach him a lesson, if you know what i mean.

Ѐņ ߀خ Ί∩خ
~Laura was here~
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Old July 12th, 2007, 09:31 PM   #7
Maverick
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Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Camazotz View Post
That's what guns are for. No, jk. You have to tell the police. I swear if I could, I'd get a Secret Force to come to your house, take you and your mom out, and teach him a lesson, if you know what i mean.
It's too late to go the police now.
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Old October 20th, 2007, 03:44 PM   #8
ShatteredWings
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Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

yea. to late for police...

i've repressed alot from k-3rd grade. vauge memorie of home life and bein hit...most memories are from school(i loved[and still do] school)...its too much to remember. its too much to deal with. its hard, and living w/the blank spots is disturbing. your NOT insane, your semi-ok(i woudnt say that your un effected, i dont think any1 can be outta that and not be effected).
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Old October 20th, 2007, 03:53 PM   #9
Aηdy
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Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

Please don't post in old threads.
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