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Old January 2nd, 2012, 11:34 PM   #21
antiabort
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Default Re: Inner Demon

I'm pretty sure this is a normal part of our psychology. Everyone has a "dark side."
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Old January 3rd, 2012, 03:53 AM   #22
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Default Re: Inner Demon

Once upon a time I was quite interested in the occult. I think I was about your age. Every once in a while I reflect on how I'd want to kill myself if it ever came to that, and it always involves traumatizing bystanders. Hanging myself near a trail, throwing myself onto the highway from high up, and so on. I can't say there's anything wrong with that. Fantasies are fantasies and interests are interests.

As for the rest...

I can't say I feel human often. It's hard to explain. I feel like a robot going through the motions. You feel like some sort of evil child : I felt like a parody of a human, an android mimicking humanity but failing. Unless I'm with very significant people for me, my tone of voice stays flat and unexpressive. I have enormous trouble relating to others. I have never felt much empathy for others and I know of only two people who are exceptions to this. I'm here to live. My existance feels completely independant of that of others. Mankind is a naturally social and gregarious species, and I feel completely put aside. Rejected, or perhaps just unable to understand basic human nature. It is extremely frustrating, especially as you grow up and the need for connections becomes painfully evident.

Part of it comes from being very introspected. It's not about having an inner demon or anything like that. Being introspected brings about diminished capacity to relate to others, for obvious reasons. If you've spent all this time looking inside yourself, you lack practice to look inside others and make their feelings your own. Empathy is basic human nature. One by one, we are weak, but as a species, we are the strongest the Earth has ever witnessed. Cooperation and empathy made us what we are, and the inability to understand this part of humanity causes somebody to feel disconnected and frustrated. When you lash out, I bet it's simply a product of frustration, as it was for me. People would approach me and I'd rudely send them back on their way because I simply could not understand their motives. The unknown brings about fear. The interest you have for "what's beyond" might simply be a desire to quash that fear.

I have linked my existence with that of another person for some time now. In other words, we're lovers. It brought along a slew of emotions that I never knew about. Her pain is mine, as is her sorrow, but her joys also. We're connected. It's a magical feeling. It makes me feel like I actually am something, that I might belong. I feel less and less unhuman. I no longer feel like some sort of synthetic mockery that cannot feel or relate. I've begun doing things that are very out of character for me. Anger is my usual coping mechanism : I don't feel the need to lash out at people or objects as often. I've grown in confidence and begun mixing myself with others. It's quite simply breathtaking. It's beautiful. I've missed it for so long, and it took a single extraordinary, dedicated person to bring that aspect of myself out. I don't think I will ever be able to repay her for giving me my humanity.

Don't take this the wrong way, but as you grow up and discover new experiences, new necessities and new responsibilities, the dark in your mind will clear up. Eccentricities beckon more of their kin. My advice to you : stop isolating yourself so much. It took me 21 years to feel like I belong. I wish it had not taken me as long to realize that the darkness in ourselves is often just a product of our own perception. My lover chased away this perception I had of myself by allowing me to relate to others, even if only to her. For you, it might be something else.

Jean Poutine, LL.B.

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Old January 3rd, 2012, 07:24 AM   #23
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i thought Schizophrenia but nope read it i think you might be satanic
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Old January 3rd, 2012, 06:15 PM   #24
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Default Re: Inner Demon

Thank you Forseti, a wonderful and truly interesting read.

Riotboy; I thought Satanists "worshipped" themselves and made their own rules. I don't see how this is Satanic. Unless you're serious and can back up your reason I suggest you leave as this has nothing to do with my situation.

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Old January 3rd, 2012, 08:02 PM   #25
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Default Re: Inner Demon

Quote:
Originally Posted by antiabort View Post
I'm pretty sure this is a normal part of our psychology. Everyone has a "dark side."
I dont think it's that kind of dark side

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Old January 4th, 2012, 03:25 AM   #26
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Default Re: Inner Demon

So...if you're interested in dark stuff and the occult, or having "dark" -thoughts-, that means you have a demon inside of you?
Interesting analogy. Anyhow, I digress.

I myself am quite an evil person. I have every right to be, but that still makes me an evil person. The cause of it will remain undisclosed, of course, but you can take my word for it. Still, I know that this has been caused by an event and gradually worsened. I've tried going to a psychiatrist, sure, but they get paid for listening to -my- personal problems. I don't see how my problems should be theirs. Still, I have come to terms with it. Not much that I can do about it anyways. Still, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't spontaneously combust when near a "holy" object. (in response to a certain post)
In response to the other thing, yes, I do feel "unhuman" sometimes. Mostly because I don't think I would deserve to be. Still, I'm proud of what I've achieved, and I recognize that unlike some "evil" people, I still have complete control.

As advice for you, I would recommend professional help if it weren't for my personal experiences with "professional" help. I would actually just accept the way you are, even if you are different.
Besides, everyone has "dark" thoughts on occasion. People think about them so that they will never actually -do- anything of the likes.
Still, as I said, if you are unsure of what to do, I'd recommend looking for professional help. If not a psychiatrist, someone who specializes in these things.

Sincerely,
Robert.
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Old January 4th, 2012, 08:22 AM   #27
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Default Re: Inner Demon

I am not looking for any help, just people to talk to who have experienced it. I say "inner demon" as a sort of metaphor. A way of describing how I feel. I do not believe I am actually posessed.

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Old January 4th, 2012, 12:32 PM   #28
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I've always had a fascination with evil. I love learning about psychopaths and serial killers, hearing the different ways they torture and kill their victims. Most people would cringe at the shit I read and the pictures I search for and the movies and tv shows I watch. But I love them, as horrific as they are. And sometimes when I think of murders and school shootings, I feel excited just as much as I feel disturbed. But that's where it ends. I don't hurt people if I can help it, physically or mentally, and I try to help comfort and support those in need to the best of my ability. I'm a strong believer in charity, and I empathize strongly with the pain of others. It doesn't matter if there's some darkness inside of me, if I can be a little evil sometimes. That's not who I am, and I very rarely act on some of the darker inclinations I have.

You have power over your actions. Your thoughts and desires, whether good or bad, are only there to influence. In the end, what you do is your choice. That's all that really matters.
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Old January 4th, 2012, 03:12 PM   #29
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Yes, I can kind of relate. There's a part of you that just...is different. It's darker. Darker images and words fascinate you. The words that flow from your pencil are...strange, disturbing to others. Other people cringe at blood, but it comforts your...or fascinates you, to say the least. Yes, I suppose I kind of understand. It's not possession. It's just...less than human, I think. Who wants to be human anyway?
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Old January 4th, 2012, 04:48 PM   #30
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screamtobeheard ; that is exactly how I feel. Thank you for posting that.

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Old January 4th, 2012, 05:13 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kyungmi View Post
screamtobeheard ; that is exactly how I feel. Thank you for posting that.
Of course. Glad you appreciate the relation.
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Old January 4th, 2012, 06:58 PM   #32
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Default Re: Inner Demon

It's just I don't have anyone in my 'friend group' that feels the same way I do. I find most of my peers immature anyway.

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Old January 4th, 2012, 07:32 PM   #33
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Yeah, I know what you mean. If you ever wanna talk, feel free to PM me.
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Old January 4th, 2012, 07:56 PM   #34
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Default Re: Inner Demon

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Originally Posted by kyungmi View Post
It's just I don't have anyone in my 'friend group' that feels the same way I do. I find most of my peers immature anyway.
Some people are afraid to say that they feel like that in public or maybe they don't even realize it...

I can relate to what you feel as well...I feel the same way, I was always feeling that cold and strange side in me, like I'm something like that's not completed and hatches inside.To be honest that's a fact.I became somehow different 'cause I realeased a part of this dark self of me and sooner or later it became me completely. I can't say that I feel evil when I'm in that darker ''form'' let's say, I feel more like a dark,cruel person that talks and acts in order to restore what has been lost (Mr. Justice let's say).Most of the time I release it when I'm alone and I think more clear and more wide some ideas and topics, some other times I release it when I want to react in an emergency situation that happens right away (eg. arguing for something in a really bad way or being in an bad situation...).Once I lost the control and I was feeling like being lost, and the funny thing is that it was in public (strange story and something that I don't want to remember since it makes me feel embarrassed!!! ).I was just feeling that feeling of darkness surrounding me and nothing more, I wasn't thinking clearly what I was doing.
Anyway I guess that most of the time it appears to people who feel more mature or different from the most of their friends,relatives,people around them etc and I also believe that it has to do with puberty 'cause puberty is the time that you decide which of your character features you want to explore and it's also the time that you try stuff, plus the facts that the brain is ''working''-''acting'' more creative than a brain of someone who has done with puberty.
Btw yes I've felt that I may have some problems and that I may've started losing my mind but I went to a psychologist and she told me that everything's OK!
My 2 golden cents (I always wanted to say that for a reason!!! )

Maybe I'm a bit crazy but at least I'm different than those nonsense, stupid people, you know, the normal ones?

But on the other hand I'm just a normal,stupid human...

Strange isn't it? How is it possible to be different and at the same time so same with the others...?
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Old January 5th, 2012, 12:01 PM   #35
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screamtobeheard: I can't PM at the moment sorry. I don't have enough posts

It's great to know I'm not the only "abnormal" one. xD

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Old January 5th, 2012, 12:19 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kyungmi View Post
screamtobeheard: I can't PM at the moment sorry. I don't have enough posts

It's great to know I'm not the only "abnormal" one. xD
Hah there's not a chance for a person at this planet to be the only one who's going through a phase-feeling-situation.
Remember that!

Maybe I'm a bit crazy but at least I'm different than those nonsense, stupid people, you know, the normal ones?

But on the other hand I'm just a normal,stupid human...

Strange isn't it? How is it possible to be different and at the same time so same with the others...?
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Old January 6th, 2012, 10:33 AM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickiller View Post
Hah there's not a chance for a person at this planet to be the only one who's going through a phase-feeling-situation.
Remember that!
Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.

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Old January 6th, 2012, 10:43 AM   #38
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This has happened to me before...comes at random moments, and usually when I don't take my zoloft. I think it has something to do with depression or anxiety.

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Old January 6th, 2012, 07:26 PM   #39
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Nyra: Ah, I see. So yours has possible causes to why this happens?

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Old January 29th, 2012, 11:01 AM   #40
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Bumpy

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