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Old December 13th, 2011, 10:56 PM   #1
quiteme24
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Default Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

I have had absolute crazy hormone overdose for the past 2 years, gay thoughts/incest thoughts/sex thoughts 247, it is becoming exhausting and I really am not up for this stuff anymore. .... I am becoming depressed.

I am at my end and I know I love girls and I know I am straight but i just keep confusing myself and now there is 10 thousand voices screaming in my head?

Honestly:

I want to be with girls, since I was younger my first attraction with girls, I want to have sex with girls, I want to date the girl I'm in love with and I want to move on with my life, and go back to a place before this confusion existed.

Seriously, being a teenager is hell on earth... I have gotten full on erections with girls, not with guys, I have only liked girls. I always have masculine reassurance and I want to just be a dude in peace. I love woman and girls.

So what i have jacked off to gay porn more then a couple times? I don't think it means or changes anything about myself.

The most ANNOYING thing in my head is "are you gay are you gay no no im straight, youve always been straight"..
Example:

In the shower, I'll say to myself " if you use this soap your gay, if you don't your straight"...
"If this website loads now your straight but if it isn't your gay??"

Excuse me what?

What the hell is going on?!

I am 17 years old.


I love girls in tight jeans, girls with big bums/thick legs, blonde girls. One girl at a store smiled at me and I kept walking back and forth to check out her butt..

I am very confused.. I always look up photos of ideal male physiques but photos of guys with big bums give me erections. and I've had fantasies about my guy friends.. I don't know, I am so FRUSTRATED.

Last edited by quiteme24; December 13th, 2011 at 11:12 PM.
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Old December 13th, 2011, 11:08 PM   #2
italianopalo
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

It could either be just horniness caused by hormonal changes during puberty (which by the way, is normal for people going through natural, unhindered puberty) or homosexual OCD.

Have a look at this
http://www.psychforums.com/obsessive...opic48932.html

Last edited by italianopalo; December 14th, 2011 at 01:10 AM. Reason: didn't fully comprehend post
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Old December 13th, 2011, 11:09 PM   #3
Axe23
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Default

This exact thing is happening to me right now, I know I'm straight but I sometimes fantasize about other Guys and jack off to gay porn,I guess it's just part of puberty and it's probably just a phase so don't worry about because your not alone.
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Old December 13th, 2011, 11:16 PM   #4
quiteme24
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

Honestly, I want to just accept myself as Bi but I know that isn't who I am and I am straight but I just need the thoughts to go away, you know?

I don't see myself FALLING IN LOVE with a guy like how I fall in love with girls.
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Old December 14th, 2011, 06:12 PM   #5
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

Quote:
Originally Posted by quiteme24 View Post
Honestly, I want to just accept myself as Bi but I know that isn't who I am and I am straight but I just need the thoughts to go away, you know?

I don't see myself FALLING IN LOVE with a guy like how I fall in love with girls.
Take a look at HOCD, it's a symptom of OCD which is a symptom of anxiety. I experienced the EXACT same feelings. It used to happen kind of like this:

"Something falls on the floor, If I don't pick it up immediately someone close to me will die"

I'm often afraid to write stuff as I'm afraid it will come true. I think the bulk of my anxiety comes from me not being able to stand my mother. Even as I write this, she's her usual, bitchy, manipulative, toxic self in the background. Sometimes I snap and just say "shut the fuck up." I know it doesn't stop her, but it helps me let off some steam from how repulsed I feel just to hear her voice.

I also used to have extreme anxiety over the fear that I was gay; it was a symptom of my OCD. I'm not saying that you are gay, but I finally accepted it and became happier because of it. Although I haven't told any of my friends directly yet, they're quite smart and I'm sure they've figured it out. I let myself be who I am, I laugh more, am more sociable, not angry all the time and my mind is not as constrained as it used to be. Of course I still have to deal with my toxic parents, but knowing who I am has made me a better person.

Let your mind figure out who you really are and run with it. Let people close to you know and you'll feel much happier, I guarantee it. I'm not just talking about sexuality, open up to people and tell them about yourself.

You seem quite similar to me in several ways, except that I'm gay. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to message me.
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Old December 14th, 2011, 09:02 PM   #6
CrossingtheCourtyard
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

Well, I went through similar problems of sexual uncertainty (And still am), but the thoughts (incest, sex, and the 'if I drop the soap/website loads) sounds particularly familiar. I had incestuousness, sexual, and sometimes violent thoughts. One version of the 'if this loads' thought was 'If that crow chaws twice, I'm gay. Once, I'm straight.'

Honestly, I think that might just be intrusive thoughts--http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts Wikipedia's not a great source, but it's what I have on had. They can go hand in hand with depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. Should you find yourself very depressed or uncertain, perhaps talk to someone you trust--and if it can't be a friend or family member--which is understandable--maybe a school councilor or a proffessional one, even a help line really.

Personally, I just ignored the thoughts and tried to calm down and think clearly.
Think about what you really want in a partner, don't imagine gender first though. Once you have an image in your head, then put a gender to that thought. Man or woman? You say you prefer women, so this ideal partner is a woman, right? Now imagine that same person, with all the same traits, as a man. Do you feel different? If so, than you more likely heterosexual.

Thoughts, impulses and fantasies don't amount for much, really. Should you find out you do like guys, than just know there's nothing wrong with that. If you honestly can't see yourself with a man in a relationship--not just sex--but a romantic relationship, you are most likely straight.

And I'm a hypocrite because I can't take this advice myself, that said, just think about things, calm down, don't do anything hasty.
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Old December 15th, 2011, 09:30 PM   #7
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

watching gay porn doesnt make u gay. thats like saying eating rice makes u asian, and it dont.
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Old December 16th, 2011, 07:00 PM   #8
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

I've viewed gay porn before. and I'm not gay.
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Old December 17th, 2011, 07:57 AM   #9
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

Quote:
Originally Posted by patrick2010 View Post
watching gay porn doesnt make u gay. thats like saying eating rice makes u asian, and it dont.
I don't know, I tried eating rice, (with chop sticks because I like eating with chopsticks) and my brother said, "you're only doing that because you want to be mexican!" (at the time, he was like, 7 and didn't know the difference of an asain and a mexican so he meant asain)

and no, don't worry about this, porn is simply a tool used to stimulate your heart to beat faster, which causes increased blood flow, which causes an erection...there is no emotion involved with porn so therefore, no change in sexuality...(just penile flacidity) (idk if that is really correct....)

Walking along a cliff. I saw you. Simply moving.
I envied you. The whole climb. You turned around.
And I saw your face. I stumbled back. And I fell.
When you turned away. Below, there was a tree.
And I landed in that tree One day I will call out to you
But that day I will fall. And it will hurt.
However I will make myself survive...
By: Me
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Old December 17th, 2011, 03:48 PM   #10
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

nope just curious

Do You Like Giant Penis Monsters?


Are you a PokeMaster?

Oh Jonathan why are you so oblivious?
Atheist/Gay Proud
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Old December 17th, 2011, 06:07 PM   #11
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

ok gents, i want to make this clear.

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE WANKED OFF TO/WATCH GAY PORN DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY!

during puberty we all get experimental, its human nature, now if you find yourself enjoying it alot more than straight porn, that could, COULD, be an indication. however, unless you feel emotional attracted to a boy, you are not gay.

therefore, enjoy the curiosity and have fun. x


Owned by SosbanFach
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Old December 17th, 2011, 07:26 PM   #12
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

No it does not make you gay it just your raging hormones

I am Unsolvedmind and I approve my post!
I Am Bisexual
Be yourself and people will accept for who you are and you will always be loved
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Old December 19th, 2011, 04:38 PM   #13
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

NO,it doens't,it's normal for boys in puberty to do those stuff ,there are millions of other guys in the same situatipn,i was too and it took ages to accept the fact that i'm BI,i can't even believe that i accepted it yet
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Old December 20th, 2011, 12:45 PM   #14
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

Don't worry about it bro your st8

Hey I'm Tyler I'm 13 single and msg me if u want to talk
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Old December 20th, 2011, 06:28 PM   #15
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

i feel like a lot of guys go through the same thing but just don't admit it, i don't think it's a big deal; try not to be so hard on yourself! life's too short to be worrying over this stuff... =)
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Old December 20th, 2011, 07:54 PM   #16
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

No,but that was too much information..
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Old December 21st, 2011, 08:59 PM   #17
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

You'll be alright man. One book that helped out is called "Every Young Man's Battle". You should check it out, it's really good.
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Old December 22nd, 2011, 04:34 AM   #18
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

hi, i know this site is for teens, but i just signed up, hoping to find help/answers.
i'm right there with you, quiteme24, i love the body of a woman, and do i ever wanna....well, you can probably tell the rest from there; dont wanna get too dirty.
on occasion, i get turned on by guys, ripped, hot muscled guys or twinks. i jerk off to them/to the porn. and well, after i cum, i get this sick feeling in the back of my mind saying "what the f**k dude? ur st8!" i want this to go away i wanna be str8, and please, no offense to the gay/bi/LGBT community, i love all of you. but i wanna be str8.

any help/ideas of whats going on?
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Old December 22nd, 2011, 05:11 PM   #19
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Talking Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

You are likely just going through the normal curious/experimental phases of puberty. Guys are a lot more visual when it comes to being turned on as well. So, even though you are watching gay porn it doesn't label you as being gay.

I really hope this helps
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Old December 22nd, 2011, 11:42 PM   #20
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Default Re: Does Jacking off to Gay Pornography make me a gay male? (Confused/Depressed)

i hope i didn't kill the thread
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