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Old October 15th, 2011, 07:13 PM   #1
Aceso
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Default He went past my boundaries....

I don't know. I was with him and things were getting heated, he went to further and I told him to stop. He did, but he went back. This kept happening and in the end I just let him do it. I had told him, I hate guys touching me in any way, I always have. I also told him about my nightmares, the nightmares I used to have so often about this. But still he kept asking me. Prior to this he kept asking too, like it shouldn't be a problem. Then, when asking didn't work he just went ahead and did it, assuming it would be okay. If I didn't agree he would ignore me, or get frustrated and then complain about how suicidal he was feeling and that he would hurt himself if I didn't make him feel better. If I was feeling depressed he wouldn't care, he would claim what he was doing was ''To make me feel better.''
I still let him do it though. I said stop and he did, but he came back. Instead of saying stop again I just gave up. I feel like it's my fault, just so stupid and weak.

~
Trying to break free.
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Old October 17th, 2011, 09:08 PM   #2
itsthat0n3kid
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

ok hannah, this coming from a guy, you need to:
A: leave him
B: get help and confront him about it.
thats just not cool.
message me if you need to talk.
-Chris



you should message me. Im a pretty nice person. I think. Plus I dont bite too hard.
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Old October 17th, 2011, 09:26 PM   #3
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

yeah, i agree. leave him.
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Old October 18th, 2011, 02:42 AM   #4
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

Now, I know leaving isn't as easy as it seems, leaving someone you feel you should care for, someone you feel responsible for, someone you, perhaps, love. But sweetheart, you can't help someone if you can't help yourself. All you'll end up doing is breaking the both of you and dragging each other down.

This isn't right, Hannah. He shouldn't be forcing himself on you. Forget that he is suicidal or that he harms himself, people who hold you back with guilt aren't people you want to be with at all, much less, for the rest of your life. Imagine the two of you in the future. What will you do? Are you going to everything he asks because you're afraid he will hurt himself? Are you going to be happy?

One day he will lose you and one day he will have to learn to cope. One day, he will be alone. You can't be there for him forever. You can't protect him forever. Especially not at the expense of your own wellbeing.

I want to leave my mother but I need to care for her and she has no one else. I want to tell on my father, let everyone know what he did to me but guilt's holding me back.(partly) We will never be happy if we continue to put the wellbeing of others before our own. One day we will break and one day he will lose you. So leave him before he hurts you even more. There will be others. He's responsible for his own actions. If he cuts, kills himself, whatever, it isn't your fault. You didn't hold a gun to his head and make him do it. He can't blame you and you can't blame yourself. Anyway, he needs to learn. Never rely on anyone too much in this world, for even your shadow leaves you when you're in darkness.

Love,
Faith and Trust



"Never test the depth of water with both feet." - Some dude whose name I cannot remember
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Old October 18th, 2011, 12:14 PM   #5
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

Hannah, this isn't right.

Under no circumstances is being pressured into sex right. Whether you consented or not, you only did because he persisted and it's not right at all and most defintely not your fault. You need to leave him. I know how hard that may seem but it's only going to happen again.

Just whatever you do don't blame yourself. Make sure you're safe as well okay?

You brought hate, pills and knives,
And this is how the tale begins.
It’s your life, exist and wonder why.
When it only fails to work,
It only fails to work sometimes
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Old October 18th, 2011, 05:08 PM   #6
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

Thanks for the advice guys, here's just to clear a few things up:
I ended it with him 2 weeks ago, which is when he made those threats against me saying he was going to kill himself. He also said some very degrading things like he could have done better than me and he wasted his time. It's just been on my mind a lot, and I'll always feel to blame, it's who I am. He keeps harassing me and saying he wants me back. I was stupid and have agreed to meet up with him tomorrow, my parent's don't know though.
I didn't want this, any of this. I would give anything to go back and be stronger, but what's done is done. I hate myself for it because just like I can't be responsible for his actions, he can't be responsible for my decisions.

~
Trying to break free.
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Old October 18th, 2011, 05:47 PM   #7
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

Personally I think you should talk to a school counselor and before the counselor I would suggest your parents. He is harassing you and with the help of your parents and school officals you can stop it. And what he did to you is just beyond reasoning, gross sexual imposition ~ illegal!!!! You need to just leave him, he isn't worth it, he is patheltic enough to stoop to the leave of making your feel bad and that it was your fault, he is an ass and will never change, face it, you're better off without him.

The information provided by myself is not a substitute for that of a LICENSED PHYSICIAN.
----
Quote:
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
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“Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.”
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Old October 19th, 2011, 12:14 PM   #8
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

I had pretty much the same thing happen to me. Yes, I blamed myself for three years, and to an extent still do. I never tried to get professional help. Over time, it killed the person who I would have been. I was a shell of a human being. Due to depression, anxiety, etc., it set off a chain of events that led my life into a downward spiral.

PLEASE, take my advice. Seek some sort of professional help. I didn't think that it would tear me up inside, but it did. It's not something that you have to live with alone. I bottled it up and carried it along with me all alone. It's a heavy burden between knowing what happened was wrong, and the guilt of blaming yourself.

If you want to, you can comment/PM me or get my msn off of here. You don't have to go through this alone.
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Old October 21st, 2011, 02:19 PM   #9
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

You can't control another persons feelings. The next time he says he feels suicidal you ought to tell him "your feelings are YOUR responsibilty....not mine"
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Old October 21st, 2011, 09:05 PM   #10
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

Listen to everyone. He shouldnt make you feel responsible for his problems. If youre not happy with what hes doing, he shouldnt do it. Why should you have to make his happy if it makes you uncomfortable?

Have this problem? Contact info on here.
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Old October 21st, 2011, 10:01 PM   #11
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

This is just wrong. He doesn't care enough. You are way more worth what he is giving you... I just want you to know that.
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Old November 25th, 2011, 08:43 AM   #12
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

U need to dump him now
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Old November 25th, 2011, 12:31 PM   #13
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

glad to hear u got rid of him and put an end to it. pm me if u need anything.

As my good friend Will always said,

To try new things is free, but to live a life of regret is expensive.
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Old November 29th, 2011, 07:08 PM   #14
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

honestly from my view your not stupid and you shouldnt hate yourself you may have made a mistake but it seems you where trying to either help him without knowing it or he forced it. leaving him was smart and in my experience i know suicidal people and its kind of hard to deal with them like in this situation because you dont know if they are actually on planning on doing it or not. but for your safety i would recommended taking the chance that they wont do it if you leave..
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Old December 4th, 2011, 04:48 PM   #15
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

As many have already suggested, you should seek professional help immediately.
I am glad that you broke it off with him, but you shouldn't give him the chance to manipulate you again by still meeting up.
What he did was unforgivable, and he needs to understand that.
If not, I recommend taking legal steps to prevent him from seeing you.
But most importantly, you should NEVER blame yourself for any of this.
This was out of your control, and you cannot be blamed for it.
If you do, it'll crush you. Don't let it get to you.

Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck.

Most sincerely,
Robert.
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Old December 4th, 2011, 04:52 PM   #16
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

leave him get away from him make sure that he never finds you if he does and tries to do it again then find help tell someone
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Old December 4th, 2011, 08:24 PM   #17
Zeh Crazy
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

Sounds kinda like my boyfriend. He claims that doing things is the only thing that takes stress away. I'm also uncomfortable with men touching me, or anyone in general. He stops when I tell him to, but he still gets unbelievably pissed. Maybe your boyfriend thought that you wanted to or changed your mind, since you didn't stop him the second time. If it's bothering you, make sure you tell him. Don't just give up. If it scares you, then consider breaking up with him. You'll find someone else who will respect your boundaries entirely.
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Old December 6th, 2011, 02:18 AM   #18
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

Between two british people. Leave the twat and tell him to bugger off and find real friends. He shouldn't be "Blackmailing" you.
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Old December 17th, 2011, 07:41 PM   #19
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Default Re: He went past my boundaries....

This is wrong beyond wrong, you do know that making you feel pressured to do ANYTHING under the threat that he'll kill himself or hurt himself if you don't, counts as abuse? and that's not counting that he's forcing himself on you. That's so terrible and I'm so sorry, do you still love him or are you just scared to get out of the relationship? You need to talk to someone who can help, because I don't think you can fix things with this guy, he's obviously just too selfish and even if you think things are fixed? It's probably just a lie and he'll do the same thing again. I know that's harsh but I'm worried for you, I hope you're alright, message me if you need someone to talk to.
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