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Old March 13th, 2007, 07:22 PM   #1
JustJuss
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Exclamation losing it completely

arrrgh. i want to die right now!!!
i am so pissed off! i just got back from the psychiatrist and i dont go back for 2 wks cos i cant fit it in any other time. These voices are driving me nuts and my nightmares make it too hard to sleep, i have so much work to catch up on, i hear poloce cars tailing me whenever i am driving ( which are not there when i look) so i cant go out i fear that they will be there this time.

Last night i was convinced i had a brain tumour/ kinda still am. I asked mum to book me for a scan. she just told me im tired.

I am realising more and more that this dosnt stop when u tell ur doc about the voices. It will probably take months to find out whats wrong with me and by then itl be so bad that ill be lost forever or dead!!
i want it fixed now!!!! I want someone to take me away, to stay with me wen i am terrified!!

It really dosnt stop though does it??!!
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Old March 13th, 2007, 08:06 PM   #2
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Default Re: losing it completely

Unfortunately it takes time before the meds are right. The best thing to do is to call your doctor's office and tell him/her what's going on. You're going to have to try to fit it in somehow if you want to get it right otherwise nothing is going to change much these next two weeks.
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Old March 13th, 2007, 10:24 PM   #3
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Default Re: losing it completely

im scared. Am i stupid to be scared. i checked ... its not for nearly 3 wks. maybe my doc dosnt realise how helpless and scared and possibly dangerous i might be... u see im really VERY good at appearing fine or ok for at least an hr... after that ucan see through it... my visit today was only half an hour

I cant just ring and say 'hey can u tell my doc i rang and that i feel like shit'
can I?

man i am soooo lost.
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Old March 13th, 2007, 10:31 PM   #4
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Default Re: losing it completely

docters are there to help you,
i encourage you to call your docter about this it could help alot.
but it does take awhile with meds.

-former-Psychiatric Ward & Help and Advice Moderator
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Old March 13th, 2007, 11:01 PM   #5
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Default Re: losing it completely

i havnt even been put on new meds yet, thats what sucks.
I see no escape.
none soon.

i cant keep waiting out these wks alone. i cant. alot of u propably no exactly how i feel.

when my mum or dad gets home i need to tell them how bad i feel... i need someone to take control of me... today is a bad day
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Old March 13th, 2007, 11:16 PM   #6
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Default Re: losing it completely

is your docter going to put you on meds?
because meds can cure this.
i would talk to your docter about gett ing you on meds immediatly.
you shouldn't have to suffer like this when theres a cure.
do your parents know about all of this?
because parents can be a BIG help.

-former-Psychiatric Ward & Help and Advice Moderator
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Old March 14th, 2007, 10:18 PM   #7
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Default Re: losing it completely

Well i havnt really told my parents about the voices, the seeing weird things, or the nightmares. They know i act strangely sometimes, since they have to step over me when im lying on the tiles starring or talking to myself, oblivious to everyone around me.
my parents are very niave so they put it off as being tired. Its hard to get through to them. I do try to tell them that its worse and that i feel out of control though. i told my mum that i am scared shitless last ight and started balling..

I dont even know what i have, but i post here beacause i hear and see things... which are what scares me the most. I was diagnosed with depression two yrs ago. I feel like thats gone, i feel different now. Im not sad or weighed down, just trying to hold on to reality and its scarring me.

Maybe its developed into something with psychotic symptoms? i dont know, i dont even think that ive seen the worst of it all yet.

How do i get through to people that can help me?
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Old March 21st, 2007, 07:28 AM   #8
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how is everything now?
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Old March 21st, 2007, 07:28 AM   #9
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Default Re: losing it completely

ok.. no suggestions?
oh.

well i may aswell update.
ive been at homw now for over a week. suddenly things took a turn for the worst some weeks ago and no matter how much i tell myself that 'now ive realised that things are bad that they will now start to get better', now ive admitted to it.. they still havnt.

I saw my psychologist who i note is not doctor with any qualifications to give any sort of diagnosis, and she says the voices that i hear and the mood swings and me becomming like catatonic is all related to me feeling 'trapped'

What the hell?!?

1. i dont feel trapped
2. if i did feel trapped, i doubt hallucinations is a symptom.

Geez!! what a bimbo!

Anyway ive been at home in a masssively depressive state all week... i have no f*#@ing clue as to whats going on... it all messed up and out of contol and i almost decided to have myself committed, i was that scared.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice or whatever i would hugely appreciate it.
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Old March 21st, 2007, 04:23 PM   #10
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Default Re: losing it completely

You need to have a better attitude and listen to those you are trying to help you. You can't go for help then disregaurd it then ask for others help. You may not want to hear what you want but have a better attitude.

Last edited by Maverick; March 21st, 2007 at 04:42 PM.
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Old March 21st, 2007, 05:27 PM   #11
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Default Re: losing it completely

You've got to tell your parents and your doctor exactly what you are feeling and what is going on, they can help you so much better then!
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Old March 22nd, 2007, 02:08 AM   #12
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Default Re: losing it completely

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anthony View Post
You need to have a better attitude and listen to those you are trying to help you. You can't go for help then disregaurd it then ask for others help. You may not want to hear what you want but have a better attitude.
Sorry im not as not-ready-to-listen as i sound there.
Really, i was just angry cos im very scared and feeling a bit alone. I keep trying to communicate whats going on but, i dont know, maybe i cant word it properly or something.. while at the same time my situation seems to get worse.

You see, ive been trying to tell my parents that its way out of control and mum keeps saying its anxiety. But i know its not, i had bad anxiety two yrs ago and this is nothing like it. I feel so out of control that it scares me and im at home alone most of the week.
I went out on a limb and told my doc all about my experiences (well i wrote them down cos otherwise i would have chickened out)... and i really hoped that i dont know someone could help me fight it off... i know that kinda sounds dumb.. but i feel like theres something inside me thats taking over me and contolling me...

Im not very good at communicating with anyone... its not that i worry about trust or anything.. my doc is lovely, I kind of feel, i dunno, i just like her. I just kind o f freeze up, i have no ability to express myself and so if im dead scared about something it dosnt show...

And how do u no if what u experience is normal or not?? I mean how paranoid is too paranoid?? Does everyone hear voices? i honestly cant tell what is or isnt ok...
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Old August 18th, 2007, 10:09 PM   #13
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Exclamation Re: losing it completely

Listen to me. I hear freakin voices. Do not fall for the guilt stuff, if you have faith jesus loves your and will always forgive you he sees you heart. just tell that crap to turn off and go on with your life. find some friends and find a life. do not be paraniod. everybody is living and loving and want you to join in. don't withdraw into yourself. do not keep being afraid of if. say fuck it, i have life and i want it. do not zone in on the voices. that is not your life.
do not focus on finding out. I have went through a year of this shit. from people i know, to spirits, to demons, to the government, to aliens, i have been through it all. you have to end it yourself. whatever fears of teaching you have learned thrrough this shit, drop it. you do not have to feel controlled or lost. open your eyes and just do what you do. if you feel like your being drawn in just say go away,turn the shit off, turn your head, whatever you need to do to let it go. don't pick up a cigg. do something healthy but furn. find a vent partner that not a downer but a motivator. just leave the situation.
love you and hope you find fun. that's what i needed
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Old August 20th, 2007, 04:05 AM   #14
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Default Re: losing it completely

I think when she said it was because you felt "trapped" she meant that it was the trigger for this problem rather than the problem itself. In all likelihood this has been hardwired into your brain for awhile and it's just now activating.

I checked your profile and it said you're female, so if it IS schizophrenia, as I am currently suspecting it to be, then you should feel relived to hear that it's highly treatable in women, moreso than in men.

Now, how long has this been going on? Did it suddenly happen or has it gotten worse over time? This is an important detail because knowing this will actually aid in treatment.

Now, why I believe that it may be schizophrenia is mainly the voices. However, paranoia and detachment from reality are key parts too. You say that you can't tell what is or isn't ok; that's kind of all I needed to hear to diagnose you.

JustJuss, I may not be a doctor but I actually have a lot of experience with schizophrenia. My advice to you is to ask for help from anyone who is willign to give it. I know it might be extremely hard and you might feel like telling people about it will make it worse; let me assure you that it won't.

People who have been similarly afflicted have gone on to lead very normal lives, but if you ask anyone they'll tell you that getting help was the hardest part of it all. Don't be afraid. You might feel like they won't be able to handle what you're saying or that they'll ignore you, but they will help you.
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Old February 6th, 2008, 10:16 AM   #15
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Default Re: losing it completely

Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
is your docter going to put you on meds?
because meds can cure this.
i would talk to your docter about gett ing you on meds immediatly.
you shouldn't have to suffer like this when theres a cure.
do your parents know about all of this?
because parents can be a BIG help.
There is no "cure" for schizophrenia... There is pharmeceutical and therapeutic treatment, but no surefire cure (although there have been instances where medication and therapy has cured schizophrenics, but it was not premeditated).

Don't give the guy false/delusional hope
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Old February 8th, 2008, 04:44 PM   #16
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Default Re: losing it completely

Keep a log of everything you feel and go to your doctor with it written down. Don't feel like you shouldn't call them when you feel bad, that's what they're there for. Get a referral to a psychiatrist if you don't already have one and bring the log of emotions, voices and whatnot with you and tell them exactly how you feel and hopefully they'll do an analysis and put you on proper medication or find a treatment route that works. It took me years to get the proper treatment I needed, but I finally got it and I'm doing fine now, I'm in my second year of my second college degree and feeling fine.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 02:48 AM   #17
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Default Re: losing it completely

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince Jellyfish View Post

Now, how long has this been going on? Did it suddenly happen or has it gotten worse over time? This is an important detail because knowing this will actually aid in treatment.
How long? Well i cant really remember... its developed very gradually, but the first time that i remember hearing a distinct voice was about two yrs ago...

it was a male voice, loud enough that i was unable to listen to anything or anyone else around me, yelling 'Idiot! U Idiot' over and over

i ended up curled into a little ball on the grownd crying and shaking.

Previous to that though i had had voices inside my head talking about me and giving a running commentary, commenting on my surroundings.... it was like a second person/persons inside me.

for a long time i had thought it was normal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince Jellyfish View Post
Now, why I believe that it may be schizophrenia is mainly the voices. However, paranoia and detachment from reality are key parts too. You say that you can't tell what is or isn't ok; that's kind of all I needed to hear to diagnose you.
Well since ive been on this site alot has happened..

ive been put on antipsychotics, initially zyprexa. It was a small dose, too small as it turned out... i was sent to the psychiatric hospital as an involuntry patient because i believed i had a demon in my stomach which i had attempted to cut out... i still have scaring around my belly button and on the back of my neck.

i was in there for a week and a half. They increased my zyprexa and finally agreed to let me have a 'trial home stay', because i was so home-sick, over a weekend to see if i could manage on my own. i did ok at home so they let me out.

since then ive had a full assessment which concluded it was a psychotic episode.... they said they 'didnt want to put any labels on what they thought i had'...

the zyprexa made me pack on weight, so they changed me to neulactil, which gave me a severe ongoing headache for the whole two weeks i was on it, so theyve changed it to Seroquel, which i am still on, so far without side effects.

I went to the Gp for another script a few weeks ago and he needed to have a diagnosis for me in order to write the script.... he read through my files etc etc and diagnosed schizophrenia.

I dont know how definate or how official his diagnosis is, since my psychologist and psychiatrist havnt mentioned it... So to them i think i am still a mystery and undiagnosed.

I could let their reluctance to 'put a label on me' slide, if the treatment was working.... but its not. Since changing to seroquel ive been slowly slipping into another world, which seems more real than the one i am in now.

I am in the middle of changing psychiatrists, because my last one left. I am liking my psychologist less and less each week. She cuts me off when im talking, announces that she 'dissagrees' with what im saying and so i naturally give up trying to talk about it. Furthermore she is really uncomfortable talking about anything that is remotely serious.... My obsession with my own death, the voices i hear everyday, my nightmares, my fear of other people 'invading my mind', and my self harming all go undiscussed and un-noted, left for me to deal with entirely on my own.

Meanwhile i am deteriorating.

All of my hope falls on my new psychiatrist, who i meet in 4 days.. i hope shes nice and listens and dosnt judge me and i hope i am able to trust her...... and most of all i hope she can help me before i end up in hospital again.
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