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Old August 20th, 2011, 04:03 PM   #1
screamtobeheard
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I am so fat. I hate myself so much. I am crying. And I have to go to work. I dont want to go out in public. Im too fat. I want to die. GOD DAMN IT, I HATE THIS SO FUCKING MUCH. I am going to run away. And starve myself until I die.
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Old August 20th, 2011, 10:23 PM   #2
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Please don't do that, Amanda. It isn't worth it! You will feel so much better if you try to see the positives in things. Be as happy as you can be. Do something you enjoy before you have to go to work. Maybe exercise; I plan on exercising 45 minutes tonight after I ate such a massive lunch and dessert (2060 calories xD). Exercising will make you feel more positive and energetic, and will keep your mood elevated longer.

Hollow words from someone who suffers with anxiety and low self-esteem in public myself, but I'm trying to work at being more positive so that I can help others and help myself. I've found that I'm only pushing my problems deeper inside, rather than trying to expose them and eliminate them.
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Old August 21st, 2011, 06:18 PM   #3
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I know I shouldn't do anything like that. But one of these days, I'm bound to do something absolutely stupid. I'm tired of being responsible and hating myself and everything. I don't know, I'm just having a rough time in this part of my life right now.
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Old August 21st, 2011, 06:33 PM   #4
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1. Did you steal my name?

2. You are absolutely gorgeous! I know people probably say that all the time, and when it's said after you tell someone how fat you think you are, it might seem like it's a pity thing. But you honestly are beautiful! I know it's hard to recognize your own beauty, but trust me, chances are if other people seem to think you are gorgeous, you're missing something about yourself.

We're always too critical of ourselves. That's where the sang "You are your own worst enemy" comes from. Because usually, we look at ourselves in a whole different light than everyone else does. Some people think they are hot stuff when they really... well, aren't. Other people think they're fat, ugly, worthless, you name it, when really they are anything but.

The point is that you can't feel so insecure about yourself. And say you really are ugly and fat. Even if you were (Which you are NOT) how does that make you undeserving of life and of happiness? You don't have to be skinny to be happy and successful. But what you usually do have to be is confident.

One day you will find a guy/girl (not sure of your sexuality) that thinks you are beautiful, inside and out. But before that happens, you have to learn to love yourself. Because that will make you all the much more lovable.

You are beautiful! You're the only one who doesn't realize it.


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Old August 21st, 2011, 07:58 PM   #5
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1. Yes, I did. I apologize.

2. Thank you so much for that post. It's actually incredibly encouraging to hear the way you put it. I really wish I could see in myself what everyone else does.
I do have a boyfriend who, for some strange reason, thinks I'm beautiful inside and out...just like you said. Maybe one of these days I'll learn to love myself too.
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Old August 21st, 2011, 09:39 PM   #6
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You already have more than I ever will! Beauty, a nice, perfect weight, and a boyfriend! Boy, how I wish I could be you. Do you realize how lucky you are?

You have these things for a reason. You may not understand it right now, but at least accept the things you do have, instead of wishing for things you don't. You have more than I will in my life; take comfort in that. You are so lucky!
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Old August 21st, 2011, 09:54 PM   #7
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I have everything anyone could ever want and I know that. But sometimes having too much can be hard too.
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Old August 21st, 2011, 10:28 PM   #8
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What do you mean?
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Old August 21st, 2011, 10:41 PM   #9
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It's hard to explain. But I'd give everything I have for freedom or happiness. My life seems perfect, though, doesn't it?
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Old August 21st, 2011, 10:42 PM   #10
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Um..yes? From your pictures, you weigh so much less than me. You have a boyfriend. You're pretty. You have more than I will ever have in my life. Why do you feel as if you don't have enough? You have so much.
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 12:58 PM   #11
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I'm pretty and skinny to you, and maybe to other people. But I don't see it in myself. I'm not asking for more, I'm asking for less. I'm sorry I ask for too much. I don't mean to.
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 05:23 PM   #12
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If you weigh less than me, you are skinny. Trust me. I'm 150lbs, I'm overweight. I have a lot of fat rolls on my stomach, hips, legs and thighs. They're very noticeable. Trust me, you're not fat, you're a perfect weight. And you're beautiful. If I looked like you my life would be so much easier. And you have a boyfriend.

In reality you are asking for more, because you're asking yourself to lose more weight and be skinner. That's wanting more, although it may not seem like it. Self-improvement is different from self-punishment. Even though I want to be pretty and thin, I don't starve myself. I may act like I want to (and I sort of do) but I know it isn't healthy, and I know it will never work. Things like that never work for me. So I eat 1200 calories a day and exercise so that my total is around 900-1000 calories. I don't starve myself. I eat healthy and try to lose weight the correct way. And even though I know I'm heavy, seeing other people heavier than me makes me feel just a tiny bit better, and it motivates me even more to be healthy (even though I know judging others is wrong; it's more me looking at them in a way to motivate myself, not to insult or judge them).

If I could be 140lbs, I'd be happy and I'd work to maintain it. I don't want to be 120lbs and bone-thin. Although bone-thin may be nice, it isn't realistically a goal anyone should pursue. Being healthy is much better and it feels better. Instead of restricting your food, measure it properly and eat enough calories a day. Exercise also helps tone you; it may not "shed pounds" but when you're toned you look and feel healthier.

Here, have a look at these pictures:







The pictures may be a little graphic, but wouldn't you rather look like these women? Full-figured, with some healthy weight on you? You can be somewhat overweight and be beautiful. Why would you want to look like this...



...when you can look like the girls above? That's what I want to look like. Not be overweight but not be underweight. To be a normal, healthy weight. Bigger can be beautiful.

Last edited by Lethe; August 22nd, 2011 at 05:27 PM.
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 05:57 PM   #13
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Amanda, you are beautiful. If I was straight, i would be crazy for you, haha.

Im 16 and gay
Even if I don't know who you are or what you do, talk to me and lets chat.
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 08:09 PM   #14
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I don't know what to say. I don't know why I am how I am. But I'm trying to fix it. I just don't know how. And it's hard for me in the meantime.

Jacob: Haha awh, thank you. (:
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 09:50 PM   #15
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How much do you weigh Amanda?

If it's under 150, which I guarantee it is, then you aren't overweight. Also, if you compare your pictures to mine, who is prettier? Obviously you. I can also guarantee that :').

Have you talked to a psychologist or therapist? You can't get better if you don't branch out and try other alternatives.
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 10:01 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by screamtobeheard View Post
I don't know what to say. I don't know why I am how I am. But I'm trying to fix it. I just don't know how. And it's hard for me in the meantime.
You are seriously pretty, I know thats a lot less wordy and eloquent than how Daylight went about saying it, but it does not change the fact that it is true. A lot of people are overly critical of themselves. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and wonder how the hell people can stand having to look at me while they talk to me. My face is ugly and acne covered, my hair is awful, my sense of style is completely horrendous and I have pudge >.> It's learning to go beyond that and realize, Hey, this is me. This is who I am, and I love me regardless of what ridiculous stereotypes people have set.

Learning to accept ourselves is one of the hardest lessons in life, if not the hardest. But until you are able to accept how you look and who you are, you won't find happiness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
Also, if you compare your pictures to mine, who is prettier? Obviously you. I can also guarantee that :').
You need to start giving yourself more credit. I know this isn't your thread but I was getting tired of your ridiculous suggestions of how unbecoming you are. I remember talking to you on one of my first days here about how you need to look at yourself in a better light. You are a beautiful girl, and the sooner you learn that the better your life will be


"The Only Rules That Matter Are These: What A Man Can Do, and What A Man Can't." ~Jack Sparrow

"All that is Gold does not Glitter" ~J.R.R. Tolkein
"Smile, Nod, Agree and then do Whatever the Fuck You Want Anyways." ~RDJ
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 10:05 PM   #17
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No, I just went to the doctor a couple weeks ago and I was up to 159. Which kind of makes me want to kill myself and I've probably lost a bit since then, since I've been restricting and exercising. But at that point my bmi was 21.4. Which is higher than it's ever been in my life. Also, you're gorgeous. Why would you think I'm prettier than you?
I haven't talked to a psychologist or a therapist, and my counselor is no help. I'm afraid to go to therapy or anything.
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 10:06 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thanatos View Post
You are seriously pretty, I know thats a lot less wordy and eloquent than how Daylight went about saying it, but it does not change the fact that it is true. A lot of people are overly critical of themselves. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and wonder how the hell people can stand having to look at me while they talk to me. My face is ugly and acne covered, my hair is awful, my sense of style is completely horrendous and I have pudge >.> It's learning to go beyond that and realize, Hey, this is me. This is who I am, and I love me regardless of what ridiculous stereotypes people have set.

Learning to accept ourselves is one of the hardest lessons in life, if not the hardest. But until you are able to accept how you look and who you are, you won't find happiness.
This is a really nice paragraph you should read thoroughly, Amanda .
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 10:18 PM   #19
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He must have posted while I was typing, because I just saw that post. Thank you! (Dee, you should really take in what he said to you as well.)

Jay: Thank you for that. You're right. I need to start learning to love myself. I'm trying. Maybe one of these days, I'll succeed. I certainly hope so.
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Old August 22nd, 2011, 10:21 PM   #20
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Once you realize all that you have, life becomes so much better. I realize that I have a lot more than some girls do; I'm not obese or severely overweight, just about 10-15lbs overweight. I can fix that if I truly work towards it. If I can be 140 by December, I will be eternally happy, because 140 is a healthy, realistic weight for me and it will make me look more beautiful body-wise. Maybe someday I'll accept my face, but that's a stretch. Focus on one thing at a time and work hard at it. That's what I plan to do.

I agree with Jay. If I accept myself I will be happier and nicer around people, which in turn will improve me socially. I can't simply sit in a corner and ruminate over all of the bad things about me. There are more good things than bad, even if I myself don't exactly see it that way yet. There's always twice as many good things as bad things when it comes to who you are, you just have to find them.
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