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Old May 8th, 2011, 04:11 PM   #1
Blujay
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Name: Jay
Join Date: May 5, 2011
Location: Lost.
Age: 22
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Default "Why Nots"

I've been toying with the idea of suicide for quite a long time. Even longer than I've been cutting. Much longer, in fact. I guess I always just thought it was normal to wonder about that sort of thing... more recently though, the urge has been stronger. I've been making plans in my head. I think I know how I'd do it, when, what I'd say to the people left behind...
and then I think
even if I managed to find it within me to do that to myself,
could I really do that to them?
I don't know why they can love a screw up like me, but they do, and nothing I can do is going to change that. And for what little it's worth, I love them back. I don't want them to be hurt.

I think it's stupid to ask 'why'. Why commit suicide? The reasons are endless, for all of us. A much, much better question to ask, is why not?

So I have a list of 'why not's. (at least, that's what I call them.)
If I ever feel like I want to kill myself, or start making plans, I think of my 'why not's.
My best friend
My family
My classmates (I don't exactly have very many real friends anymore, but my classmates have always been kind to me.)
My untapped potential (It's childish, but I've always dreamed of being a famous director or author... if I kill myself any possibility of making that dream happen (however ludicrous or far-fetched) will be snuffed out.)

It's a short list, but for me, it's enough.

Anyone else have something like this...?

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Old May 8th, 2011, 10:43 PM   #2
December
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Name: Katy
Join Date: April 25, 2011
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Default Re: "Why Nots"

In a way, mostly just mentally. It's a good idea though, to think of all the reasons to stay. For me it's my family that keeps me here and a few of my friends. Also (and this may sound dumb) but nature... Just seeing the sky or flowers or sunshine and what not is a reason to stay for me, however small it may be.
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Old May 8th, 2011, 10:45 PM   #3
anonymous53
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Default Re: "Why Nots"

I do, it's gotten me through the hard times. It was how I got out of the hospital when I was committed. I had to think of reasons why I should keep living.
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Old May 11th, 2011, 05:54 PM   #4
Fiction
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Name: Kathy
Join Date: January 17, 2010
Location: London, England
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Default Re: "Why Nots"

I do. After I attempted it was a list like this that kept me alive.

It wasn't just things like my boyfriend, family and friends, it was other things. Like if I carried on going, if I got through this, then in the future i'd be so much stronger than I was before. I'd be able to sympathise and help people more easily. It'd change me as a person but I could control those things to change me in a good way. To give myself qualities perhaps other people don't have. That kept me going.

You brought hate, pills and knives,
And this is how the tale begins.
Its your life, exist and wonder why.
When it only fails to work,
It only fails to work sometimes
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Old May 12th, 2011, 11:19 AM   #5
BrokenXPaperXDolls
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Name: paula
Join Date: February 12, 2011
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Default Re: "Why Nots"

after my first attempt i started to write down little notes like this in my diary and by my bed to look at, and remember what i have to live for.
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