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Old April 20th, 2015, 05:06 AM   #1
Tesserax
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Name: Aaron
Join Date: November 3, 2014
Age: 20
Gender: Cisgender Male
Default [Trigger Warning] Can't stop it

God I just can't stop. Today I've been feeling like complete and utter shit. Last night I cut the cuts again. This morning our chemistry class was so depressingly boring I started cutting them AGAIN in CLASS with my scissors. The rest of the day I pretty much just scratched them and it felt fucking GREAT.

I'm starting to go crazy, or suicidal, or depressed, or all the FUCKING ABOVE.

I can't handle it anymore, I just want to fucking die. God help me.

I feel so fucking worthless. Only 2 people actually seem to give some amount of a shit, and both I only met recently. None of my friends seem to really care, and the ones that notice are just curious about it and don't seem to think I'm having trouble.

My friends are starting to antagonize me when I make jokes now, instead of laughing like they used to, and I feel like my grades are starting to slip too, as well as me falling behind in class.

I don't know what to do, I feel so fucking helpless right now, and I just want to talk to my really good friend, but she has a lot of stuff going on and I don't know where the fuck she is half the time so I'm just left stranded, so fucking alone. She wasn't at school today so I couldn't talk to her, and now I just feel a terrible pit in my chest that I know only one way to get rid of. To die.

But nonetheless, I have to keep trying, but I fear that I'm slipping, very, very close to the edge of suicide.

Despite everything I've told myself before, only now do I understand why they do it, why they try, and why I've been so wrong telling myself that I will never attempt to kill myself.

Lord kill me in my sleep tonight so I do not have to bear the guilt of killing myself, and so that my suffering shall finally end...

Hey guys, this is partially for me but also for anybody else who may want it; my diary: http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/fo...play.php?f=514

For those who care: I've changed my username, I used to be Doc. Maestro
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Old April 20th, 2015, 02:11 PM   #2
Captain Who
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Name: I don't Know.
Join Date: March 14, 2013
Location: Out of this world
Gender: Female
Default Re: [Trigger Warning] Can't stop it

Right, I can not tell you to stop cutting. Although I can tell you to try, it really isn't good for you in the long run and some ways I can think of dealing with it would be to talk to someone about something general when you get the urge, talk to someone about anything, or tell them about your compulsion to self harm.

As for your friends, I am sorry to tell you this, but they just aren't being good friends and they are bad people to surround yourself with, I recommend leaving them as soon as you can. Surround yourself with good people, like your two people that care. As for the girl that you can trust, why not message/call her prior to school and arrange to meet up during breaks and lunch? If possible.

Also, please please, do not commit suicide, think of all the people that do care about you whether you know it or not. They will become upset that they have lost you and you may cause them a problem, whether you meant to or not. (I do not mean this in a bad way, just think about the people that care. You don't want to hurt them, do you?)

My overall advice to you is, to surround yourself with good people. Talk to someone you trust, if that may be a teacher, councilor or your parents, there is always someone to help you. If you want to talk to me, I am free most of the time just PM me.

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Old April 21st, 2015, 02:15 AM   #3
Tesserax
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Name: Aaron
Join Date: November 3, 2014
Age: 20
Gender: Cisgender Male
Default Re: [Trigger Warning] Can't stop it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Who View Post
Right, I can not tell you to stop cutting. Although I can tell you to try, it really isn't good for you in the long run and some ways I can think of dealing with it would be to talk to someone about something general when you get the urge, talk to someone about anything, or tell them about your compulsion to self harm.

As for your friends, I am sorry to tell you this, but they just aren't being good friends and they are bad people to surround yourself with, I recommend leaving them as soon as you can. Surround yourself with good people, like your two people that care. As for the girl that you can trust, why not message/call her prior to school and arrange to meet up during breaks and lunch? If possible.

Also, please please, do not commit suicide, think of all the people that do care about you whether you know it or not. They will become upset that they have lost you and you may cause them a problem, whether you meant to or not. (I do not mean this in a bad way, just think about the people that care. You don't want to hurt them, do you?)

My overall advice to you is, to surround yourself with good people. Talk to someone you trust, if that may be a teacher, councilor or your parents, there is always someone to help you. If you want to talk to me, I am free most of the time just PM me.
I talked to the girl, and I'm feeling a lot better now. But thanks for your advice

Hey guys, this is partially for me but also for anybody else who may want it; my diary: http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/fo...play.php?f=514

For those who care: I've changed my username, I used to be Doc. Maestro
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