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Old March 19th, 2012, 11:15 PM   #1621
PoseidonX43
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And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....

I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts !

C'est la vie, Adios, Good Riddance, F*** You.
My Diary.


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Old March 23rd, 2012, 04:19 PM   #1622
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'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil
Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
Don't quite know how he gets it inside them
logs, but he's hidin' it there.'

'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend
on Virgil's house. They search the shed where
the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open
every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the
Sheriff come?'

'Yeah!'
'Did they split your firewood?'
'Yep!'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aotearoa View Post
What a fuckin miracle.
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Old March 23rd, 2012, 08:57 PM   #1623
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dodge the father, ram the daughter!

XD

C'est la vie, Adios, Good Riddance, F*** You.
My Diary.


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Old March 23rd, 2012, 09:08 PM   #1624
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Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

Jesus returns to Earth and runs for political office. Winning in a landslide, he goes on to serve eight consecutive terms as a Congressman. Being popular among virtually all people in his district, he goes to speak to them. As he walks around in one city meeting with his constituents, a blind man comes to him and says, "Jesus! Jesus! I'm blind, would you please heal me?" Then Jesus told the man, "Sorry, pre-existing condition."


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Hello again VirtualTeen. you blackhole.

No tears to cry
No feelings left
This species has
Amused itself to death
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Old March 24th, 2012, 09:33 PM   #1625
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Murdoc View Post
Jesus returns to Earth and runs for political office. Winning in a landslide, he goes on to serve eight consecutive terms as a Congressman. Being popular among virtually all people in his district, he goes to speak to them. As he walks around in one city meeting with his constituents, a blind man comes to him and says, "Jesus! Jesus! I'm blind, would you please heal me?" Then Jesus told the man, "Sorry, pre-existing condition."
I love you.


A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrcharkteeth View Post
Omg I love bread
So dam tasty
Do you know what happens to people who go to the seventh circle of hell?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurt Cobain
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kryptonite View Post
when two old people have sex, they become dust, which is naturally dry.
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Old March 27th, 2012, 09:09 PM   #1626
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evil.angel View Post
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
This made me derp.
Good one!

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Originally Posted by Magus
8:12 PM [Magus] Latah is a great singer.
8:12 PM [Magus] The real singer.
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Old March 31st, 2012, 01:59 PM   #1627
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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
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Old April 4th, 2012, 07:37 AM   #1628
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Condom Boxes

A man walks into a drug store with his 10 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The Dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."

"Cool, says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men." the Dad answers, "Two for Friday, Two for Saturday and Two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks with bright eyes, picking up the 12 pack.

With a sigh, the Dad replied, "Those are for married men, one for January, one for February, one for March, one for April......................
__________________


Biker's Good Deed
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?" So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." The authorities think she may have been pushed.
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What a fuckin miracle.
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Old April 4th, 2012, 09:18 AM   #1629
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Chips and eggs.
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Old April 4th, 2012, 09:21 AM   #1630
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An 8-year-old boy walks up to a cashier with a box of tampons. The cashier says, "son, do you know what these are?"
The boy replies, "well no, but the advertisement said that if you used them you'd be able to swim and ride a bike, and right now my little brother can't do either."

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrcharkteeth View Post
Omg I love bread
So dam tasty
Do you know what happens to people who go to the seventh circle of hell?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurt Cobain
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kryptonite View Post
when two old people have sex, they become dust, which is naturally dry.
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Old April 7th, 2012, 03:43 AM   #1631
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Why did Hitler kill himself?
The jews sent him the gas bill
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Old April 8th, 2012, 07:59 AM   #1632
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Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound, and never left the house for 5 years.

It is now believed that he called the US Navy Seals himself.

My thought was that they should have locked the door from the outside and left him for life.......

Quote:
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What a fuckin miracle.
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Old April 8th, 2012, 08:24 AM   #1633
Mortal Coil
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The past, present and future all walked into a bar at once.

It was tense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrcharkteeth View Post
Omg I love bread
So dam tasty
Do you know what happens to people who go to the seventh circle of hell?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurt Cobain
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kryptonite View Post
when two old people have sex, they become dust, which is naturally dry.
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Old April 8th, 2012, 10:10 AM   #1634
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Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

Hey I have an easy riddle for you all c:

"A man goes into a prison to visit somebody he knows. The prison guard says that he cannot go in unless the person he's visiting is family. So the man replies, 'brothers and sisters, I have none, but this man's father is my father's son.' The prison guard let's him in. How were the two men related?"

It's simple but makes you think for about five minutes. :p


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Ohhhh.... :/ I feel stupider then a 12 year old who just got a 5 year old pregnant
My diary, come take a bath.
Tumblr

Mikey was here<3
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Old April 8th, 2012, 03:50 PM   #1635
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hes his son?

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Originally Posted by Aotearoa View Post
What a fuckin miracle.
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Old April 10th, 2012, 12:29 AM   #1636
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Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

This has been discussed by staff and is going to be moved to the VT Arcade for relevance and replacement by a more appropriate sticky for this section.

Contact me if you need to talk. I'm always here to help all
you have to do is be honest.

Never Let Go
Act as if it were IMPOSSIBLE to fail.
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The Need For Speed!

R&G Forever until it turns gray...then it will still thrive
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Old April 21st, 2012, 12:52 PM   #1637
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What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives 2 people a great deal of satisfaction?

This is a riddle if you want the answer pm me or make a guess below.


Retired Help & Advice Mod

If anyone wants to add me on PSN feel free to send me a PM.
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Old April 21st, 2012, 01:15 PM   #1638
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Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver Assassin View Post
What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives 2 people a great deal of satisfaction?

This is a riddle if you want the answer pm me or make a guess below.
Sex?
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Old April 21st, 2012, 01:16 PM   #1639
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThunderBolt View Post
Sex?
Nope

If you want the answer pm me.

Feel free to make more guesses


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Old May 6th, 2012, 01:27 PM   #1640
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Here's a joke:

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