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Old February 15th, 2010, 08:55 PM   #1
screamtobeheard
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Name: Amanda
Join Date: February 6, 2010
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Unhappy I'm so lost...

I feel like I've fallen into a black hole again.
I went about three days without cutting...I was so happy, it was insane. I was scared though, that I'd fall. And I did. Just all of a sudden my good mood went downhill and here I am, almost 30 cuts later. I gave myself whiplash with that mood swing and I still have little mini ones. I'll be upset one minute, and flaming with anger the next. Then I feel like nothing. I'm almost scared I'm gonna have another random upswing and fall back down again.

Does anyone else ever have just that feeling like there's a hole in your chest or your stomach, literally? I can physically feel it but my pain is emotional. I don't understand it and I don't like not understanding things. Especially about myself.

I always have to cry when there are people around, so I hold back the tears but then when I'm alone they don't come. I feel too numb for that.

I'm really scared someone's going to find out everything. What if my parents notice one day that there are cuts and scars all over my body? I don't want to end up in a hospital, I don't think I could take that...

I'm so confused. Does anyone else feel like this?
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Old February 15th, 2010, 11:05 PM   #2
Watchfulness
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Join Date: October 24, 2009
Age: 29
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: I'm so lost...

If I do have such negative feelings, I tend to ignore such feelings.
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Old February 16th, 2010, 12:27 AM   #3
CuriousDestruction
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Name: michael
Join Date: June 1, 2009
Location: bay area, california
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Default Re: I'm so lost...

i feel that way a lot. sometimes the world just seems really cold. it seems smaller and smaller and until it crushes you. i'm sorry you feel that way now. PM me if you wanna talk.
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Old February 16th, 2010, 01:56 AM   #4
munchausen
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Name: Damian
Join Date: December 30, 2009
Location: UK
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: I'm so lost...

I know what it's like not to be able to cry. It's been over 10 years now.

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