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Old August 10th, 2013, 02:05 PM   #1
Gen-Kun
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Name: Cristian
Join Date: June 2, 2013
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Gender: Male
Default I'm cool on the outside, but hurting in the inside.

For the past several months, I've been an emotional wreck. I'm 15, and I'm contemplating several feelings at once. Being happy makes me feel ready to do anything. Fear makes me feel insecure. Among the several thousand emotions, both loneliness and lovesick do the most mental damage to me.

First, I'll cover loneliness. Throughout my life, I've had a hard time making friends. I've had friends in my life, all of which were kind to me, and are some of the coolest people I've been around. However, just as I become emotionally attached to these people, I suddenly have to move. I've moved 3 times in my life. From California to Utah, back to Cali, to Texas. I've been the new kid at my school 3 times, and I hate it. I spent Freshman year alone for the most part. I did make some gamer and nerd friends, but I'm mostly a loner. I like being alone sometimes, as it gives me time to think by myself, and get some work done, not to mention getting some relaxation. I'm also very different from most people at my school. Whereas many guys are athletes, I'm a nerd, who happens to be a gamer, and interested in things that other guys won't give a thought about, such as cartoons and comics. When it comes to the girls... this leads into my next hurting emotion.

As I mentioned, lovesick is the other emotion that's tearing me apart. I've never had a girlfriend in my life, nor have I had any emotional attachment to any girl before. Time to go back to the sea of changes called "Freshman year" again. When I was walking by myself in the hallway at the beginning of the school year, I ran into one of my classmates. This guy was cool with me, and I was cool with him. Upon running into this guy, I heard another voice. This voice was soft and sweet. I heard the voice say "Hi." I looked next to the guy, and saw a brunette girl. Nervous, I took off my Sonic hat and said "H... hi," in that quiet and scared manner. She introduced herself to me, and I introduced myself to her. That was the only time we've talked for more than one minute. Whenever I walk into in the hallways, she just says "Hi, Sonic." I usually respond with a simple wave. Since then, I've always wondered what it was that made this girl notice me. I just assume it's just a friendly thing, which I'm 100% cool with. She's always with different guys, or I think she's with someone, and while I'm not envy, I sure do feel... jealous. I don't love this girl, but I do have some pretty strong feelings for her. I mean, do you know how odd it feels to be attracted to the secretary of sophomores? It's pretty weird.

Why am I mentioning this? Well, this is an example of a girl who isn't my type. She's an extrovert and enthusiastic, while I'm an introvert and lonely inside. My type of girl would have to be a gamer. Not only does she have to be a gamer, but she has to love me for who I am. It doesn't matter than I'm a nerd or am interested in stuff that's not normal for guys (I'm a Brony,) she'll love me for them. Sadly, at age 15, every teenage girl I've ever known go for the jock or jackass. They don't go to me not only because I'm different from most guys, but I'm also a shy guy, not really saying anything to girls. Sometimes I wish I had a mask to cover my face, preferably white with a mouth hole and two eye-holes. I know it's more than likely not my time to introduce myself to girls yet, but I can't help but feel envious and depressed.

For the first few months, I've thought of these feelings, but usually just brushed it off as puberty casting one last spell on me. Since the beginning of this month, I've been feeling sick. My stomach usually hurts, I'm getting more headaches, and occasionally, my heart sometimes hurts me. In both curiosity and freight, I researched what loneliness can do to someone, as love-sickness can stem from loneliness. From my research, I've discovered that I can have an increased risk of getting cardiovascular disease, and can have some fucking terrible physiological problems. I'm at the point where I'm frantically going back and fourth wonder if this is puberty wanting to get one more jab at my emotions, or if I really am going crazy. If I feel it's not puberty doing this to me, I'll ask my parents to take me to a doctor to get me some treatment. I need help. Someone... help me.

15 year old living in Texas, retro video gamer (Sonic and Mega Man, mainly) looking for a soul mate (gamer girl,) and Brony.
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Old August 21st, 2013, 05:52 AM   #2
Versae
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Name: Angel Stalker
Join Date: August 15, 2013
Location: Philippines
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: I'm cool on the outside, but hurting in the inside.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gen-Kun View Post
For the past several months, I've been an emotional wreck. I'm 15, and I'm contemplating several feelings at once. Being happy makes me feel ready to do anything. Fear makes me feel insecure. Among the several thousand emotions, both loneliness and lovesick do the most mental damage to me.

First, I'll cover loneliness. Throughout my life, I've had a hard time making friends. I've had friends in my life, all of which were kind to me, and are some of the coolest people I've been around. However, just as I become emotionally attached to these people, I suddenly have to move. I've moved 3 times in my life. From California to Utah, back to Cali, to Texas. I've been the new kid at my school 3 times, and I hate it. I spent Freshman year alone for the most part. I did make some gamer and nerd friends, but I'm mostly a loner. I like being alone sometimes, as it gives me time to think by myself, and get some work done, not to mention getting some relaxation. I'm also very different from most people at my school. Whereas many guys are athletes, I'm a nerd, who happens to be a gamer, and interested in things that other guys won't give a thought about, such as cartoons and comics. When it comes to the girls... this leads into my next hurting emotion.

As I mentioned, lovesick is the other emotion that's tearing me apart. I've never had a girlfriend in my life, nor have I had any emotional attachment to any girl before. Time to go back to the sea of changes called "Freshman year" again. When I was walking by myself in the hallway at the beginning of the school year, I ran into one of my classmates. This guy was cool with me, and I was cool with him. Upon running into this guy, I heard another voice. This voice was soft and sweet. I heard the voice say "Hi." I looked next to the guy, and saw a brunette girl. Nervous, I took off my Sonic hat and said "H... hi," in that quiet and scared manner. She introduced herself to me, and I introduced myself to her. That was the only time we've talked for more than one minute. Whenever I walk into in the hallways, she just says "Hi, Sonic." I usually respond with a simple wave. Since then, I've always wondered what it was that made this girl notice me. I just assume it's just a friendly thing, which I'm 100% cool with. She's always with different guys, or I think she's with someone, and while I'm not envy, I sure do feel... jealous. I don't love this girl, but I do have some pretty strong feelings for her. I mean, do you know how odd it feels to be attracted to the secretary of sophomores? It's pretty weird.

Why am I mentioning this? Well, this is an example of a girl who isn't my type. She's an extrovert and enthusiastic, while I'm an introvert and lonely inside. My type of girl would have to be a gamer. Not only does she have to be a gamer, but she has to love me for who I am. It doesn't matter than I'm a nerd or am interested in stuff that's not normal for guys (I'm a Brony,) she'll love me for them. Sadly, at age 15, every teenage girl I've ever known go for the jock or jackass. They don't go to me not only because I'm different from most guys, but I'm also a shy guy, not really saying anything to girls. Sometimes I wish I had a mask to cover my face, preferably white with a mouth hole and two eye-holes. I know it's more than likely not my time to introduce myself to girls yet, but I can't help but feel envious and depressed.

For the first few months, I've thought of these feelings, but usually just brushed it off as puberty casting one last spell on me. Since the beginning of this month, I've been feeling sick. My stomach usually hurts, I'm getting more headaches, and occasionally, my heart so, sometimes hurts me. In both curiosity and freight, I researched what loneliness can do to someone, as love-sickness can stem from loneliness. From my research, I've discovered that I can have an increased risk of getting cardiovascular disease, and can have some fucking terrible physiological problems. I'm at the point where I'm frantically going back and fourth wonder if this is puberty wanting to get one more jab at my emotions, or if I really am going crazy. If I feel it's not puberty doing this to me, I'll ask my parents to take me to a doctor to get me some treatment. I need help. Someone... help me.
First of all, I like your name. Kun is big bro in Japanese I think.
So, about girls, don't worry, girls in that age are a little bitchy but don't worry not all of them. And don't be picky. I think a girl who loves you real is enough. And you don't have to be lonely all the time, it'll kill you slowly. And the doctor thing, I mean yeah you could go there but they'll just drug you and make you sleep and feel worthless. So I think all you need is a friend. a friend who'll talk to you about your feelings and not just about games. Maybe it's just not the right time for relationships right? I mean, maybe the girl that was for you is far away from you right now and there's a certain time you'll meet. Just not now. So yeah, goodluck! And btw, what's brony?

The Girl with the Darkest Secrets
http://ynahayawan.tumblr.com/ This is my Tumblrblog.
Please visit and even follow. It holds the real me.

A heartless person once cared too much
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Old August 22nd, 2013, 01:38 PM   #3
ToxicApple69
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Name: Imran Basayev
Join Date: August 21, 2013
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Default Re: I'm cool on the outside, but hurting in the inside.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Versae View Post
First of all, I like your name. Kun is big bro in Japanese I think.
So, about girls, don't worry, girls in that age are a little bitchy but don't worry not all of them. And don't be picky. I think a girl who loves you real is enough. And you don't have to be lonely all the time, it'll kill you slowly. And the doctor thing, I mean yeah you could go there but they'll just drug you and make you sleep and feel worthless. So I think all you need is a friend. a friend who'll talk to you about your feelings and not just about games. Maybe it's just not the right time for relationships right? I mean, maybe the girl that was for you is far away from you right now and there's a certain time you'll meet. Just not now. So yeah, goodluck! And btw, what's brony?
A brony is a male who watches My Little Pony
Source: I'm a brony
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Old August 22nd, 2013, 08:03 PM   #4
Versae
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Name: Angel Stalker
Join Date: August 15, 2013
Location: Philippines
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: I'm cool on the outside, but hurting in the inside.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToxicApple69 View Post
A brony is a male who watches My Little Pony
Source: I'm a brony
Oh. Well I think nothing is weird in that. I mean, I watch wrestling and others which they say is socially for guy only but no, anyone can watch that same thing in My Little Pony.

The Girl with the Darkest Secrets
http://ynahayawan.tumblr.com/ This is my Tumblrblog.
Please visit and even follow. It holds the real me.

A heartless person once cared too much
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