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Old July 25th, 2018, 08:43 AM   #1
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Join Date: July 25, 2018
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Default What am I going through?

I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, and it’s just a silly part of puberty - but I’ve just been going through some really confusing emotions recently. I don’t really know how to write this, but for the past 3 months i’ve been having mood swings. Yes, I know, mood swings; part of puberty. But I’ve gone from feeling so so suicidal and like I don’t have a place in life and that everything is horrible, to feeling completely fine. And every time I think about asking for help, I change my mind because suddenly everything is fine and I don’t need help, i’m perfectly fine. And when i’m feeling fine, I get so confused about it - how could I ever feel suicidal, when right now i’m feeling fine? and vice versa - when i’m depressed I can’t ever imagine how i could’ve felt alright literally an hour ago.
This happens several times throughout a day and usually, it isn’t caused by anything. It’s like a switch just goes off.

I’m sorry if this sounds stupid, or if I haven’t articulated myself well or so on, but I feel so hopeless right now and I don’t know if it’s just puberty or if i’m actually going through something other.

Edit: I don’t know what is happening. Really. I’ve had bad days and every single bad day I’ve said the same thing. I don’t see the point in living. There is no future. Right now I feel an impulse to strangle myself. But I won’t, knowing that strangling yourself doesn’t do anything - you knock yourself out before you can die. But it’s fine. Because I know tomorrow i’ll wake up and feel fine. I’ll feel fine, I’ll forget how I could even feel this way again.
And I’ll have my days where I feel like I belong somewhere else. Delusions; thinking that I don’t belong here, that I belong somewhere else - amongst nature. I will feel like I have a higher cause than humanity, and all the bullshit that I know is crazy talk - but don’t care, because it feels ever so real in the moment. But the thing is, I don’t want to feel fine. I don’t want to feel like everything is okay, because it’s not. I want to address how i'm feeling, but I can’t when the problem just seems to phase out.
Sorry. rant over. I needed to write down my feelings before there’s a clean slate and this happens all over again.

Last edited by cheesecake145; July 28th, 2018 at 12:09 PM. Reason: New thoughts.
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Old July 25th, 2018, 09:38 AM   #2
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Join Date: March 14, 2018
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Default Re: What am I going through?

Well, you didn’t mention anything the sounds like mania but I think you may have bipolar disorder or another mood disorder. Trust me, you aren’t supposed to be feeling this way but you can get help. Tell your parents and have them set up a visit with a psychiatrist. They will help u regardless if you do actually have a mood disorder, which keep in min, you may not. I’m sorry you been feeling like this and hope and pray you get better.

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Old July 25th, 2018, 09:51 AM   #3
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Default Re: What am I going through?

Mood swings are to be expected during puberty, but at the level you're having them, there's a deeper issue. Suicidal thoughts aren't something to brush off. It doesn't matter if they're short-lived; who's to say you wouldn't try to act on them before your mood could pick up again? Definitely talk to your parents or someone else you trust and let them know how you're feeling. Best of luck getting the appropriate help, and keep us updated. <3

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