Jokes and Riddles

Originally Posted by MoveAlong

I don't think that was really funny, expecially on a forum with a eating disorders forum...

I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I really just chose those comics at random.

Originally Posted by SubliminalTim

Really? I laughed my ass off.

Did you notice that what I said was an opinion?

Originally Posted by MoveAlong

Did you notice that what I said was an opinion?

Absolutely, so I disagreed with it.

Anyhow, two blonds were driving down the highway to Disney Land. At some point, they came to a fork in the road. The road sign said, "Disneyland Left".

So they went back home.

^^ Thats pretty funny

Originally Posted by MoveAlong

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world.

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

yo mamas so fat i drove around her and got lost twice

yo mama's so fat every time she turns around its her birthday

yo mamas like a shotgun, one cock and she blows

yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks all day and gets laid in the closet.

Aw naw, how cruel Ant

Originally Posted by Chrono

yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks all day and gets laid in the closet.

Oh snap! :O

Yo mama's so dumb she thinks Dickie's is condoms for kids.

That's all I got : /

Yo moma's so stupid and cheap she steals samples!

Yo mama is like a bowling ball.. picked up, fingered, and thrown back in the gutter.

Yo mama is like a Dirt Devil, she sucks and she blows.

Yo mama is so fat, she's like a trampoline, she's big enough to jump and down on.

(I wish someone would say one of those to me again.. haha..)


wow..

This is so lame

Gay Parrot

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."

"What?" asks the guy.

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.

"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"

"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."

You're right. That is lame.

Here's an even lamer one

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

Lmao that is great

So these two Irishmen walked out of a bar

Originally Posted by Dáñté

Lmao that is great

So these two Irishmen walked out of a bar

Ahahahaha! I wonder what Alex has to say about that.

Hahah funny Anthony!

Ok so I made this completely on my own, and I want to see if someone can guess what it means!



Hint: what would you do for it?