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#1 |
Junior Member+
![]() Name: Jessica
Join Date: July 17, 2013
Location: In my head.
Age: 22
Gender:
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Okay, here goes nothing, I guess...
When I was 15, I met this guy. He was so sweet and made me feel really nice. He started telling me he loved me and stuff. He had it bad for me, it seemed. He lived in England somewhere (I forget) and he was 19 at the time. We chatted online a lot and he kept giving me compliments and stuff. But then he started asking for nudes. I thought it was harmless then, I was so curious at that age and he said he loved me so what the heck, right? Wrong. I sent them, took personal pictures for him 'cause that's what he liked. He asked for more and more and I just kept sending. But then one day when we were on cam, he was smoking and told me to finger myself for him. At the time, I didn't know how to...it frustrated me to tears constantly. I thought something was wrong with me. He knew I was 15 and couldn't do it but he told me to try for him anyway. I did it because I liked him a lot. But I struggled and started tearing up 'cause I just couldn't do it. He was smoking more than usual, staring at me with what seemed to be contempt and indifference...frustration maybe. I don't know. After I told him I couldn't do it, he made me a deal: "If you don't do it for me, I'm going to delete you." Of course I was devastated, so I tried my hardest...still nothing. He then said that if I don't do it, he'll post my nudes online. I was terrified. They had my face in them and everything! Still unable to do it for him, he posted them online and showed me. I was horrified and numb and in tears. I tried to masturbate some more to get him to stop ('cause he kept commanding and warning to put more online) but I couldn't. He started calling me names and making it harder for me to obey him. He wanted me to use objects. I just...I really fuckin' couldn't do it. He then proceeded to post my pics on Facebook and showed me. I got so nervous and scared and upset that I asked random people online what to do and I also asked my cousin. He told me it was okay because Facebook deletes that kind of thing. I tried to breathe but I couldn't. Then this guy, who had claimed to love me, proposed something worse... He said that if I didn't successfully finger for him, he would kill himself then and there. I was a mess in tears, begging him to have mercy. I just couldn't do it. And I didn't want him to die. But when I couldn't, still...fuck it hurt so bad...he posted more pics online somewhere where everyone could see and showed me. Then, on cam, before my watery eyes, he took a knife and slit his throat. I couldn't breathe. Blood trickled down his neck and he was a mess...I'm gonna fuckin' cry...I can't go on... ~Please, call me Jess! I wAnT tO cHaNgE tHe WoRlD, iNsTeAd I sLeEp...AlL tHaT i KnOw Is I'm BrEaThInG. AlL i CaN dO iS kEeP bReAtHiNg. AlL wE cAn Do Is KeEp BrEaThInG. [Ingrid Michaelson]
![]() Last edited by Jessiibear; December 5th, 2013 at 07:42 AM. |
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#2 | |
Member
![]() Name: Alejandro
Join Date: May 26, 2013
Location: Clifton, Colorado
Age: 21
Gender:
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![]() Jesiibear your story has moved me to tears ![]() We are all like fireworks. We climb, shine, and always Go our separate ways and become further apart. But even if that time comes, Let's not disappear like a firework, And continue to shine forever! ![]() |
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#3 |
Member
![]() Name: Matt
Join Date: December 10, 2011
Location: My room
Gender:
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I'm really, really sorry to hear that. No one should ever have to go through what you did. I'm not against people sending nudes to each other, but it is always very important to have that trust feature. Even when you do trust each other though, never put your face in it.
I want you to know that it isn't your fault. I have no idea why he would do something like that, but NONE of it could have been prevented by you. He most likely suffered from a form of depression caused by something in his real life, and used you to not feel so belittled himself. If anything, I think it's important to know that even when his real life was so terrible that he wanted to kill himself, he at least always had you caring for him. Think of all the times that I am sure you made him feel better when his life was so bad. It's terrible that he was trying to force you to masturbate for him under these circumstances. I can't tell you why for sure he would do something like that. Please remember though, you are a great person, and that this in no way reflects who you are. I'm sorry, I know I am not helpful to you right now, but if you ever need to talk, I hope you know we're all here for you. Always ready to listen. Need help with your computer? Just ask. I am straight and not curious. Just a FYI Last edited by Manga; July 20th, 2013 at 02:55 AM. |
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#4 | ||
Junior Member+
![]() Name: Jessica
Join Date: July 17, 2013
Location: In my head.
Age: 22
Gender:
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My heart goes out to your friend and, yeah, I'm trying. But when you have no present, the past is all you really have, you know? If that makes sense. Thank you so much for your shoulder, for your ear. It means the world... Quote:
You're a great person too. Thanks for the moral support. My spirits have lifted a little. ~Please, call me Jess! I wAnT tO cHaNgE tHe WoRlD, iNsTeAd I sLeEp...AlL tHaT i KnOw Is I'm BrEaThInG. AlL i CaN dO iS kEeP bReAtHiNg. AlL wE cAn Do Is KeEp BrEaThInG. [Ingrid Michaelson]
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#5 | |
Member
![]() Name: Alejandro
Join Date: May 26, 2013
Location: Clifton, Colorado
Age: 21
Gender:
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Deleting Facebook was a great step to take though. I am glad to hear you are being more cautious now. What I hate to hear is the world has both made us have major trust issues now. Ain't it crazy how you can pour your all into a relationship just to end up hurt by the same ones you trusted. But we can choose to sit in sadness, immobilized by the gravity of our loss, or we can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift we have. Our chance to live our lives to the fullest. So lets not that BS from the past slow us down okay. Look forward to tomorrow and live for today. ![]() We are all like fireworks. We climb, shine, and always Go our separate ways and become further apart. But even if that time comes, Let's not disappear like a firework, And continue to shine forever! ![]() |
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#6 | |
Junior Member+
![]() Name: Jessica
Join Date: July 17, 2013
Location: In my head.
Age: 22
Gender:
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![]() Quote:
![]() ~Please, call me Jess! I wAnT tO cHaNgE tHe WoRlD, iNsTeAd I sLeEp...AlL tHaT i KnOw Is I'm BrEaThInG. AlL i CaN dO iS kEeP bReAtHiNg. AlL wE cAn Do Is KeEp BrEaThInG. [Ingrid Michaelson]
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#7 |
Member
![]() Name: Alejandro
Join Date: May 26, 2013
Location: Clifton, Colorado
Age: 21
Gender:
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Cool
![]() We are all like fireworks. We climb, shine, and always Go our separate ways and become further apart. But even if that time comes, Let's not disappear like a firework, And continue to shine forever! ![]() |
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#8 |
Member+
![]() Name: Nicholas
Join Date: April 11, 2013
Location: USA
Gender:
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I could not even begin to comprehend what you went through. Just keep your head up and move on...
![]() 17, USA, aspiring strongman competitor, metal head ![]() R.I.P Cousin Tim. 1985-2014. |
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#10 |
Member++
![]() Name: Yugen
Join Date: July 26, 2013
Age: 19
Gender:
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Wow. I'm so so so sorry. I'm just absolutely speechless.
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#11 |
Junior Member
![]() Name: Adam
Join Date: September 4, 2013
Location: Australia
Gender:
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Keep your head up Jessie!! This story is so sad ;w;
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#12 |
Banned
![]() Name: Tom
Join Date: September 1, 2013
Location: Germany
Age: 22
Gender:
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What he did was wrong just really really wrong and i am sorry and feel fuckin terrible that had to go through something so horriffic and terrible i truly hope that you will be able to recover from it and not be haunted by the memories for your entire life tho i kno this will be hard i really hope will be able to! Maybe you will meet someone who will be able to Forget or something idk
![]() Id like to offer you whatever help i could provide eventhoug it probably would just be talking and idk if i would be of much use! |
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#13 |
Legendary Member
![]() Join Date: July 21, 2013
Location: USA
Gender:
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That is so, so awful, and you didn't deserve to have that happen to you. I don't have much to say but I really wanted to acknowledge that I read this and I care. When he killed himself could you see his face in the cam, or just his neck and chest? It's possible he may have just said it to scare you and changed the webcam to a recording of a special effects video or something like that.
You are a good, strong, beautiful woman and you can get past this, it's happened and there's nothing you can do about that now. Remember that and remember how many people love you. I'm always open to talk if you ever want. val
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#14 |
Member
![]() Name: Rowan
Join Date: July 28, 2013
Location: Devon
Gender:
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I feel really sad now....I'm not quite sure what to say to be honest...stay strong and I hope the future is better for you
Everything is ok in the end,if it is not ok,it is not the end....for all you optimistic people,I myself am a pessamist,feel free to chat to me I promise I'm not that scary |
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#15 |
Junior Member+
![]() Join Date: June 14, 2013
Location: Oregon
Gender:
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............ I am assume he was on drugs.... or extremely drunk. It truly makes me wonder if I am the last one left who is Drug free,std free,smoking free,tobacco free,and eveything else you should not do........ (I know there is others out there but those numbers are falling.....) and omg I would of died from stress from that...SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY YOU WENT THROUGH THAT :,(
Life is like that Shadow that slowly fades away....... 16 Thing i do. Well i like Trolling People Hehahahahah. I like Larp. (Live action roleplay) I would like to meet new people to so please send me a message and i shall get back to you ![]() I AM THE SHOGUNATE, and also a bunny slayer but that's a minor title. |
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#16 |
VT Lover
![]() Name: Charlie
Join Date: August 30, 2012
Location: The "Tech Capital of the World" which for some reason, still has shitty internet speeds
Age: 21
Gender:
![]() Blog Entries: 3
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my god
that is hideous i can't even imagine how horrible that is. I am so sorry that you went through that. have you told anyone else about it offline? Like a parent? Perhaps you should seek professional help. Stuff like that can be really mentally damaging and a psychologist or therapist could help a lot. It's really good that you've gotten it off your chest here. I know how hard it can be. You're strong ![]() |
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#17 |
New Member
![]() Name: Emily
Join Date: September 26, 2013
Location: Minnesota
Age: 20
Gender:
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wow, that's a pretty shocking ending. Hope you can get past this and look to the future.
15 - Minnesota - Bi/Curious |
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#18 |
Member
![]() Join Date: November 24, 2013
Location: Planet Earth
Gender:
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I'm really sorry for you. I hope you manage to get past this... Remember, you didn't kill him. He was a creep, and there's nothing you can do about it. He's a horrible person, and I think down in hell he regrets what he's done, abusing such a beautiful young soul. I really hope you manage to recover. If you ever date again, I wish you the best of luck in finding a great guy.
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#19 |
Nice Poster
![]() Name: Anonymous ...no really...
Join Date: September 27, 2013
Location: The Neverlands
Gender:
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Hmmm, I would say he just faked that to wreck your emotions. Used an editor program. And he's a total aswipe for all of what he did! But saying he did actually kill him self. Then he was really screwed up!
This is in no way your fault! The guy was either an ass face or totally nuts. II'm sorry you had to go through that ~I do not try to give advice as much as I do just point out facts as I have found people like to make their own decisions in life, not be told what one is best to make~ Please excuse my typos. I'm usually on my phone and it has issues.
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#20 |
Junior Member+
![]() Name: Jessica
Join Date: July 17, 2013
Location: In my head.
Age: 22
Gender:
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Just want to thank all of you for your replies, I appreciate the support. I never stop thinking about it. I didn't tell anyone offline because I didn't see a point in that. Especially now, three years later.
There is no way it was fake. How could that be? He preformed all of it right before my eyes. The cam didn't skip or anything and I saw his face the whole time. I'm trying to "forgive and forget" but that shit's harder than people make it seem! Like wow! It's that, plus so many other things that just haunt me. But I'm trying. Love you all. ~Please, call me Jess! I wAnT tO cHaNgE tHe WoRlD, iNsTeAd I sLeEp...AlL tHaT i KnOw Is I'm BrEaThInG. AlL i CaN dO iS kEeP bReAtHiNg. AlL wE cAn Do Is KeEp BrEaThInG. [Ingrid Michaelson]
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