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Old July 19th, 2013, 01:04 PM   #1
Jessiibear
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Name: Jessica
Join Date: July 17, 2013
Location: In my head.
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Unhappy Just Getting It Off My Chest...

Okay, here goes nothing, I guess...

When I was 15, I met this guy. He was so sweet and made me feel really nice. He started telling me he loved me and stuff. He had it bad for me, it seemed. He lived in England somewhere (I forget) and he was 19 at the time. We chatted online a lot and he kept giving me compliments and stuff. But then he started asking for nudes. I thought it was harmless then, I was so curious at that age and he said he loved me so what the heck, right?

Wrong.

I sent them, took personal pictures for him 'cause that's what he liked. He asked for more and more and I just kept sending. But then one day when we were on cam, he was smoking and told me to finger myself for him. At the time, I didn't know how to...it frustrated me to tears constantly. I thought something was wrong with me. He knew I was 15 and couldn't do it but he told me to try for him anyway. I did it because I liked him a lot. But I struggled and started tearing up 'cause I just couldn't do it. He was smoking more than usual, staring at me with what seemed to be contempt and indifference...frustration maybe. I don't know. After I told him I couldn't do it, he made me a deal: "If you don't do it for me, I'm going to delete you." Of course I was devastated, so I tried my hardest...still nothing. He then said that if I don't do it, he'll post my nudes online. I was terrified. They had my face in them and everything!

Still unable to do it for him, he posted them online and showed me. I was horrified and numb and in tears. I tried to masturbate some more to get him to stop ('cause he kept commanding and warning to put more online) but I couldn't. He started calling me names and making it harder for me to obey him. He wanted me to use objects. I just...I really fuckin' couldn't do it. He then proceeded to post my pics on Facebook and showed me. I got so nervous and scared and upset that I asked random people online what to do and I also asked my cousin. He told me it was okay because Facebook deletes that kind of thing. I tried to breathe but I couldn't. Then this guy, who had claimed to love me, proposed something worse...

He said that if I didn't successfully finger for him, he would kill himself then and there. I was a mess in tears, begging him to have mercy. I just couldn't do it. And I didn't want him to die. But when I couldn't, still...fuck it hurt so bad...he posted more pics online somewhere where everyone could see and showed me. Then, on cam, before my watery eyes, he took a knife and slit his throat. I couldn't breathe. Blood trickled down his neck and he was a mess...I'm gonna fuckin' cry...I can't go on...

~Please, call me Jess!

I wAnT tO cHaNgE tHe WoRlD, iNsTeAd I sLeEp...AlL tHaT i KnOw Is I'm BrEaThInG. AlL i CaN dO iS kEeP bReAtHiNg. AlL wE cAn Do Is KeEp BrEaThInG. [Ingrid Michaelson]

Last edited by Jessiibear; December 5th, 2013 at 07:42 AM.
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