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Old March 21st, 2006, 09:28 PM   #1
infextus disease
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Default i have no point, no meaning, no purpose... i am worthless

i just really have no ambitions anymore. i used to have passion in a couple of different things but now nothing.

i dont feel like finishing school, getting up in the morning, or even talking to what friends i have left. in the classes that the teachers dont ignore me in im out casted for being smart.

i dont see what the point is in anything. im not exactly suicidal at this point but i have been in the past... i just dont have any will to keep living.

im tearing my friends down, pushing them away like i always have. ive tried to not push them away but i always do. and ive faked my smiles to keep them happy. but lying to them hurts almost as much as tearing them down.

i cant just isolate myself and disapear.. they wont let me. but im tired of depressing everyone i talk to about this. hell i dont even know why im posting this on here... its not like anyone here really cares either... (thats more of me pushin people away) and it sux cuz i can see it happening but i cant seem to stop it

if you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you shall also suffer defeat ~ Sun Tzu
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Old March 22nd, 2006, 08:34 AM   #2
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just wait it out. i felt that way for years and now with the help of therapy and some medications i am finally better, happy. and now im getting off the meds and im doing fine, so just wait it out and try to get some help.

ps. we do care.

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Old March 22nd, 2006, 07:19 PM   #3
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NO ONE IS WORTHLESS! you would not be in the world if you were worthless! dont ever think that. Make something of your life and help out others, and they will continue the deed.
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Old March 29th, 2006, 08:43 PM   #4
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Jeeze that's worse than my own problems.... Any ways. We do care, many people care. Even if you think that nobody loves you or cares ther is. Don't give up hope. Even in the darkest of times you can find light. Now please, I know we don't really need to know every thing about you but it may help you feel better and help us help you if you tell us exactly what is making you so misrable.
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Old March 30th, 2006, 08:34 PM   #5
infextus disease
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sure no problem... ive been thinking about it enough and well it breaks down to a few main things

first and foremost broken promises/lies: quiet a few of my "friends" have told me "oh yeah ill call you i promise" and they never do. one or two friends doing that very rarely is excusable, all of them doing it all of the time... makes you wounder. just like i wounder why some of my friends seem to aviod me. i mena i shower, i dress well, i dont have any annoying quirks so that leaves it to me/my personality. but w/e same thing as the phone call goes with hangin out on the weekends.

second lack of hanging out with people: at school i hear my friends all talking about parties, or hangin out, or goin to movies and its like everyone is going/invited except for me. like my friend emily, she had a birthday party and i was finally invited the day of by one of her friends who was "shocked" that i wasnt invited. so i dont get it. is it because most of my friends do drugs when they hangout and i dont do drugs, is that what is seperating me from everyone. but as i think of this it cant be other wise the non-drug-doing people would invite me to something wouldnt they?

and now your probibally thinking well why dont you just invite them to hang out with you? and heres the answere in the form of a metaphor: "it is easier for and object in motion to stay in motion" basically it isnt easy for me to just invite somone to do somthing. funny isnt it... oh wait im not laughing......

third... the one that probibally has the most effect: up until early last year my mom and i did not have a great relationship. for years prior to that point she basicaly subliminally told me that i wasnt good enough. if id bring home a report card with a handfull of a's and b's and like one c and one d she would focus more on the lower grades "you did so great here why couldnt you do better there in that class?" but that issue resolved itself late freshman year after a suicide attempt due to the pressure from school and the pressure from home as well as some things going on with friends. how ever the relationship with my mom and i did not get better until after about the middle of sophmore year where she kicked me out of the house calling me an "ungreatful son of a bitch" and "a worthless peice of shit" though this was after me venting to my brother about how she nags and nags about everything un-benounced to me she was home.


but yeah either way it isnt a big deal anymore, i gave up on everything, i gave on caring, having any real emotions, life, a social life... just everything. im not giving in because that would be admiting defeat and using a perminent solution to a temporary problem. no i am only giving up meaning i havnt the energy to keep fighting this depression, nor to keep worrying about this that and the other thing. whats weird is i feel like ive finally found peace with it all as well as myself. things just dont bother me anymore. fucked up aint it?

if you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you shall also suffer defeat ~ Sun Tzu
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Old April 14th, 2006, 04:35 PM   #6
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sounds to me like you need to evaluate your "friendships". your third anecdote confuses me because you say your relationship with your mom is better now because she kicked you out of the house. that doesn't sound like it's better by any means. you should find new friends in my opinion, and not give so much thought to the opinions of people who only want to make you feel bad.
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Old April 15th, 2006, 09:32 PM   #7
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face it nobody's life is perfect we ALL have problems many or not, you should not be looking at your bad problems, i dont mean run away, or anything like that....think of it alll diffrently, think of better stuff....like your grades, your smart thats one amazing thing off the bat, knowledge can lead you to great places.....pushing your friends away?, sure i do it all the time, but less and less, i used to always think i was afraid of losing them like i lost my dad, but then i decided the time you spend with them is awesome and when they are gone it sucks, but rather know them then not?

yeah...but then i still pushed them away and realized it was for attention just to see who really cared, and hey thats fine if you dont feel wanted just to make sure you are since a lot of people have trouble showing they care....

i don't know you since im just starting vt again, but i hope your problems pick up, but dont worry about them, you have your WHOLE life to worry about problems, may as well have fun well you can right?

<3 Katie
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Old April 16th, 2006, 02:14 AM   #8
infextus disease
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ok so well the thing with my mom and such.. i got kicked out i was out of the house for a few days i got a call on my cell saying come home... i was like ok w.e. sure... my father, my mother an i had what my father would refer to as a come to jesus meeting... i dont really get what he means by that but w/e anyways we got shit mostly sorted out at the juncture especially about grades and how much they expect from me.

as of now things are a little shaky... i apparantly had an additude earlier in the week where in ive been snapping at people.... mostly because ive been in my room or out in the garage working on a project (small engines, computers, circutry, or my airsoft gun mods) and its been mostly my mom that will call from across the house to ask me to do something. such as i recall at one point i was in the midst of adding a wireless camera to my RC car, soldering iron in hand and my mom yells from the living room.. other end of the house from my room. she is sitting in her recliner on her computer. she called me out to the living room to hand her the remote sitting on the coffee table not more than 18" from her feet. but yet when i want to talk to her i have to come to her to talk... but if she wants to talk to me i have to come to her...wtf?

i know ive been snapping at my dad n bro, mostly my bro. he is more into computers than i am, my domain is more so on the engine side of things but i do computer stuff anyways. but basically the garage is my domain, where MY tools are. i pretty much know where everything is. so anyways my bro is working on plumming the deck again because the pvc tubing running to the faucet shatterd during the winter. and he is digging through MY tool boxs looking for a tool, i ask what it is that he looking for but he wont tell me. so i basically yell at him askin him what in the f#@$ he is looking for, he finally tells me and i tell him exactly where it is. he finishes up, packs up his tools and other stuff. so hes gone back inside. i walk around back onto the deck and there are the tools i lent him.... any of you mechanics or dads or just plain people who have tools and use them frequently know the kind of aggrivation that comes with this particular act...

as for my dad.. hes turning 50 this year, not what i would say old... but hes getting up there. hes had a habbit for some time and it is either starting to get worse or im noticing it more. but he will come in to the vicinity of where im workin on a project, look at me, look at my project, study it, get a confused look on his face, then says "can i ask a silly question? what are you doin" even though the project is typically very obvious and easy enough to figure out at a quick glance. the other things hell do is be reading the paper, or again watch me working on a project and just be like "hmmm" or "thats interesting" and wont say anything after that. i was nice the first couple of times it happen and told him "dont start sumthin if you aint gunna finish it." now its become more aggitated "dont f-ing start a sentance and take a long ass time to complete it" for when he says thats interesting or "its getting really f-ing annoying having to say what to your hmmm's" it just really bothers me. among other things too but thats the main one.


well this thing is long enough as it is.. if you all wnat more info just ask, i get an email everytime there is a responce

if you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you shall also suffer defeat ~ Sun Tzu
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Old April 17th, 2006, 01:54 PM   #9
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Smile Re: i have no point, no meaning, no purpose... i am worthless

This all happened to me, more or less everything youve talked about. Me and my mum didnt get on that well, but she finaly sorted things out with me. I found the best way to get it trough to ur mum that you dont want her to treat you like a piece of shit is to tell her literaly, "Stop treating me like a piece of shit". She may punish you, if she does you have to just act like you dont really care if shes annoyed with you, but if you do it more than 3 times she should start to see that having a go at you doesnt do anything.

With your social life, you'd be amazed how much i got pissed off wit my best mate. We use to always sit next to each other school, always work together, and it got the the point where he had made some new friends. We always used to hang out at lunch but he started to hang out with them. He would ask me if i wanted to go with him (he always presumed i'd say no) and as soon as i'd say yes he'd either run off to them (literaly) or he just wouldnt tell me where he goes to meet them or he wouldnt talk about the subject. The soloution.... make some new friends. I bet that in your school there must be some people who have the same interests as you, i'm sure.


Ne ways, i got to go and eat my tea so i can't type any more for now.

2 things before i go, 1) People do care about what you have to say here, i do a lot because i went through the same thing, and 2) Your mum may not always like you but she will always love you.

- Never take anything for face value, never trust the system and never put up with an answer that you don't agree with. It's about time people realised the truth of this world.



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Old April 17th, 2006, 02:07 PM   #10
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Default Re: i have no point, no meaning, no purpose... i am worthless

Quote:
Originally Posted by teenhelp
your third anecdote confuses me because you say your relationship with your mom is better now because she kicked you out of the house. that doesn't sound like it's better by any means.
No i can see how things could be better now that he isnt living with his mum. Since my dad moved out we are getting on a lot better. Cause your not around each other all teh time its easier to comunicate and be honest.

You are the author of your own life story.
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Old May 6th, 2006, 03:16 AM   #11
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Default Re: i have no point, no meaning, no purpose... i am worthless

man this is kinda old but i would still love to chime in. Dude i know the exact bulshit your going through, I mean exactly maybe not with ur dad or brother but with ur mom and being rejected for being smart. Nothing I do is good enough for my dad, my dad says the same thing as your mom. These grades are good y cant u have a 99 in math instead of an 82 if u can get it in english u can get it in math too. I swear nothings good enough and he buys me stuff to ground me from it. All he ever does is piss and moan. At school im rejected because people think im smart, its not even that im smart though i just have common sense.... I kind of push people away with my mood swings because im going through puberty... people reject me because when they say something i dislike i go off... I'm just a person that wishes to b isolated i dont want to finish school i dont want to try hard i dont want to do anything anymore. I just want someone to kill me. I've tried suffocating, drownding and anything i can do besides slitting my wrists and hanging to commit suicide from all the shit i recieve in my life.

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always right, if i say your right then what?


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Old June 22nd, 2006, 02:31 PM   #12
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Default Re: i have no point, no meaning, no purpose... i am worthless

No purpose 'ey?.. Then how come it means so much to me that you're still here? I've thought about suicide and stuff, and I'm chronically depressed, but guys like us who hang in there are heroes. We set the example for the other little guys who feel insegnifigant. If it weren't for trouble, there would be no heroes. If it weren't for heroes, there'd be no hope.
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Old September 3rd, 2007, 04:45 PM   #13
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Default Re: i have no point, no meaning, no purpose... i am worthless

i know what do you feel i faked my smiles and my feeling to but i don't care for my friend and my family,i hate them all my mom my bro my sis my best friends my grandma my grandba every body
i only love my dad and i used to love our Maid but i fond that she don't care 4me she only give me time bcuz of all gifts nd takin' her out with me...
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Old November 10th, 2007, 09:25 PM   #14
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Default Re: i have no point, no meaning, no purpose... i am worthless

i had problems like everybody her but if u werent meant to be here why'd ur parents want u here in life so much they dident make u for no reason they wanted to share there life with u

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frankly, id rather stab a fork in my eye than waste anymore energy on you.you locked my thread about the damn beetle that crawled outta my dick wen i was jackin off, and u were a complete ASSHOLE about it.I dont think you should remain.Thats all im gonna say.
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Old November 10th, 2007, 09:28 PM   #15
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Default Re: i have no point, no meaning, no purpose... i am worthless

This is from 2006. There's no reason to bump old threads like this.

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