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Old February 25th, 2011, 03:39 PM   #1461
Death
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The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron's health care proposals.


* The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

* The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

* The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

* Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

* Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

* The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

* The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn’t hear of it.

* The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

* The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

* The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

* In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in London.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Donkey View Post
Perhaps the entire argument [the death penalty] can be summarised in just a sentence.

We kill people who kill people to show others that killing is wrong.
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Old March 2nd, 2011, 07:52 PM   #1462
Sith Lord 13
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*preps for the death threats*

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
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Old March 2nd, 2011, 09:40 PM   #1463
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Real men pee sitting down.

Last edited by Memory; March 2nd, 2011 at 09:44 PM.
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Old March 13th, 2011, 12:32 PM   #1464
Sith Lord 13
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What do you tell your girlfriend with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit her.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let the b!tch do the ironing in the dark.

What do a woman and a condom have in common?
They're both either in your wallet or on your d!ck.

What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What's the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes silence.

What's a man's idea of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

How can you tell which is the head nurse?
The one with the dirty knees.

Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her t!ts went.

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
Puppy <3 Kitty
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Old March 13th, 2011, 06:39 PM   #1465
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sith Lord 13 View Post
What do you tell your girlfriend with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit her.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let the b!tch do the ironing in the dark.

What do a woman and a condom have in common?
They're both either in your wallet or on your d!ck.

What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What's the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes silence.

What's a man's idea of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

How can you tell which is the head nurse?
The one with the dirty knees.

Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her t!ts went.

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Ahahaha, those are really good

If your day's been shitty, watch Marcel The Shell with Shoes On. Always makes me feel good about myself.
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Old March 14th, 2011, 11:43 AM   #1466
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A criminal who has successfully pulled off many crimes eventually gets caught and given the death sentence. The judge, who is impressed with his elusiveness, tells the criminal that he can choose how he would like to die. Given the criminal's intelligence, how does he choose to die?

If you would like to know or guess the answer, feel free to PM me, no matter how old this becomes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Donkey View Post
Perhaps the entire argument [the death penalty] can be summarised in just a sentence.

We kill people who kill people to show others that killing is wrong.
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Old March 15th, 2011, 10:09 AM   #1467
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Death View Post
A criminal who has successfully pulled off many crimes eventually gets caught and given the death sentence. The judge, who is impressed with his elusiveness, tells the criminal that he can choose how he would like to die. Given the criminal's intelligence, how does he choose to die?

If you would like to know or guess the answer, feel free to PM me, no matter how old this becomes.

DEATH BY SNU SNU!

Dead God's Pad
Where I do whatever I feel like.


Thank you Rith for the Sig! ^__^
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Old March 15th, 2011, 01:22 PM   #1468
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riu-chan View Post
image
DEATH BY SNU SNU!
Not quite the answer I had in mind, but I suppose this is good too.

A blonde was speeding when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer, who, incidently, was blonde, asked for the driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "Now why didn't you tell me you were a police officer? You're free to go."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Donkey View Post
Perhaps the entire argument [the death penalty] can be summarised in just a sentence.

We kill people who kill people to show others that killing is wrong.
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Old March 15th, 2011, 10:15 PM   #1469
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Two saggy boobs were talking.
One said to the other "you better perk up, or somebody will think were nuts!"
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Old March 18th, 2011, 12:16 AM   #1470
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Why did simba's father die?
He couldn't MUFASA.
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Old March 18th, 2011, 12:35 AM   #1471
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What did the two tampons say to each other? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Brighter.Tomorrow View Post
Hello again VirtualTeen. you blackhole.

No tears to cry
No feelings left
This species has
Amused itself to death
Last.FM
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Old March 18th, 2011, 01:03 AM   #1472
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what's invisible and smells like carrots?

rabbit farts.
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Old March 20th, 2011, 08:00 AM   #1473
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If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
Puppy <3 Kitty
http://i853.photobucket.com/albums/ab93/Kaius10/Alex-1.png
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Old March 21st, 2011, 12:40 PM   #1474
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Quote:
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Thank you Siobhan <3
Connor: We're not mean, you're just Canadian.
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Old March 25th, 2011, 08:48 AM   #1475
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The Duck Song. YouTube that shit up.

[CBF posting it here]

I never wanted anybody more than I wanted you The only thing I ever really loved was hurting you.
ORIGINALLY Affiliations
Pizza for Caitlin!
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Banned because Pikachu is a wild pokemanz.
Quote:
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If anime comes to life for you, it's a sign of LSD.
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Old March 27th, 2011, 07:57 AM   #1476
Sith Lord 13
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If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
Puppy <3 Kitty
http://i853.photobucket.com/albums/ab93/Kaius10/Alex-1.png
~Kyle Was Here, and Was Awesome~
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Old March 27th, 2011, 07:58 AM   #1477
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She's orange do you think she knows what a kitchen is?

Quote:
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VT turned me lesbo acid wankers wtf.
~Laura Was Here~
Retired Gmod
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Old March 27th, 2011, 08:00 AM   #1478
Sith Lord 13
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Name: Alex
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Default Re: Jokes and Riddles


If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
Puppy <3 Kitty
http://i853.photobucket.com/albums/ab93/Kaius10/Alex-1.png
~Kyle Was Here, and Was Awesome~
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Old March 27th, 2011, 08:19 AM   #1479
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What is the best part about a blowjob from your wife?

Five minutes of silence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Donkey View Post
Perhaps the entire argument [the death penalty] can be summarised in just a sentence.

We kill people who kill people to show others that killing is wrong.
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Old March 27th, 2011, 08:39 AM   #1480
Sith Lord 13
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Name: Alex
Join Date: March 28, 2010
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Default Re: Jokes and Riddles


If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I can't promise I'll solve your problem but I'll do my best to help.
"You're all clear kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!" - Han Solo
Awesome People: Country-Cowgirl, Goose, RodeoGirl, Maliza, ShatteredWings Thanks to Kaius for the awesome sig.
Puppy <3 Kitty
http://i853.photobucket.com/albums/ab93/Kaius10/Alex-1.png
~Kyle Was Here, and Was Awesome~
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