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Old December 21st, 2017, 03:35 PM   #1
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Name: Kieran
Join Date: November 11, 2011
Location: England
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 468
Default Hey VT

Due to my life experiences and such whenever i look back to whatever of my past i can remember, I've always suffered from mental health issues, including depression, i just didn't learn what they were until i turned 16, even now i don't think what i learned was correct and i am always learning new things, anywho, depression for me is a normal feeling, some people feel happy all the time, some feel bored, some feel neutrel, my mood is depression

But lately? It's just, god damn it's sucking, for over a week now, at least i think it's been that long i can't really remember, it's just been bad, like my insomnia has got ridiculous, i go through phases of not wanting food at all and even when i try to eat it i can't, then other times i can't stop eating it, my libido is just as bad, i hardly feel like talking any more, i don't wanna be around any one, i feel exhausted, worn down, defeated, like absolute shit, time passes so slow, I'm getting aggitated more, i have no patience, I'm easily upset, i rarely laugh at things now, even things i love that usually make me happy have bought me little to no joy, I've been lacking on caring for myself again, and i can't explain it but this depression, it just feels so much deeper, darker, thicker and just nastier than my usual depression and i just wanna know, how do i get out of it? I've tried all my tricks but they do nothing

I know what the trigger for this has been, well, there's been a lot of shit going on and things have been getting worse in general, but the one big bolder that just came crashing down and crushed me? It was heart break, but i just don't know what to do any more, nothing seems to make me feel better and if it does it's so fleeting and weak, but I'm just honestly getting kinda sick of this, people keep telling me life gets better, I've been told that for years, news flash, it ain't, never has done and it seems like it never will do, I'm sick of suffering over something i never wanted, I'm sick of being treated like shit, I'm sick of how any time i stand up for myself i get treated like shit over that like I'm the bad person still, I'm sick of feeling this way, I'm sick of the suffering, I'm sick of the pain, I'm sick of the constant bads in my life with little good, and even when good comes along it's toxic and ends up harming me, I'm sick of peoples reasonings for me to continue existing is their own selfish needs, i suffer a life time of pain so they don't suffer a momentary one, but mostly what i am sick of, i can't harm myself, I've tried, multiple times, it's like my curse, a person who wants nothing but to die can't even intentionally cut themselves, i feel like that's a good sum up of my life, stuck in a pile of shit with no choice but to take it, and no matter how bad i want out, i can't do so

I just yeah, even friends now have noticed how severe this depression is getting and how long it's going on for and i can tell it's worrying them, but i just, yeah, i wish i could make it all stop, i really do, i don't want to be like this any more, life would be so much more better if it all just stopped, sorry, i guess there is no point to this, no one can offer anything that helps, I've already tried it all, i just yeah, I'm exhausted, with the severe insomnia issues flaring up again and this depression getting so bad and the constant battle I'm in with it, I'm so exhausted, yet none of it stops or gets better
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