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Old February 25th, 2010, 11:38 AM   #1
Asylum
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Name: Songül
Join Date: December 1, 2009
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Default socially awkward... (rant is long)

i'm socially awkward... i wasn't always this way.. i used to be happy and oh you couldn't shut me up when i was little.. i was anoying... now i'm depressed and i find it difficult to interact in normal conversations even with people i know... i guess it could be from being bullied and hurt for so long... at my old school i had no one to talk to... i coulnd't go otuisde to recess or eat lunch because my class mates were horrible, i used to go down to the fifth grade room and clean the teacher's rooms. when i did go outside because i had one person i talked to Mollie (she wasn't really a friend..) i would regret going otuside... its not like i didn't try making friends oh no i did... it all started with one girl... Claire.. i had friends, but they were her friends too... she hated me, we had the same pshyciatrist for awhile, and our moms were friends so they told each other what was going on. well anywya.. she would come up to me and yell at me for tlaking to her firends, they are my friends too i'd reply, i didn't want to lose my friends... and whn i didn't stop tlaking to them, she made fun of me, told people i was weird, made nasty rumors... soon enough, no one wanted to talk to me... she left after the 5th grade, and made sure i had no one.. however the problem wasn't just in shcool... she lived right across the street... turned my friends away from me in my own neighborhood... she would make fun of me down me, tke my money, and other things.. tell me not to tell anyone or else she owulnd't be my friend... we had girl scouts together.. that wasn't fun.. in the 4th grade i lost my only friend monika and she became popular nad a jock... 5th grade i lost two other friends i made paige and kaitlin for sticking up for people they would make fun of... also i'd sit with this one girl who had no one to sit next to in math class... people thought she was weird... so i went over and sat next to her and tlak to her... she left the next year... middle school because of all listed above ^ i had no one.. if i talked to someone, i'd be giving nasty looks, like why are you tlaking to me? i wasn't one to cheat either... i was the only one to not cheat at all on any test... when i'd hear the whispers ofthe right answer... i'd feel guilty if i put it down, even though i knew the answer ahead of time to be correct, so i'd mark it as a wrong answer.. besides that teacher would yell and scream at me. My music teacher at my school specifically... she hated me.. i was smarter then her at music and she hated it... she really had no idea... i had been a mucisian since age 5. i knew what i was talking aobut. i've been taking theory since then too and music history.. i know my music.. and to be marked wrong in the 5th grade for soemthing simple that was correct? was dumb... not only that but hse would rip up art projects and scream and tell us to do it over or that we sucked and needed to try harder. she had hit a student a year ahead of me... always frustrated because i was the last one to turn it in.. i'd spend hours on mine.. all my teachers wouuld yell and scream. people would make fun of my because my dad is Jewish.. they said he crucified our Jesus! .... no... that was the Romans... i hate ignorant people.. God's chosen people the Jews?!?! ever hear of that? they aren't even religious people juts trying to pick on me... i also got pushed and shoved a lot in school.. wasn't fun.. now in high shcoool i am still bullied, but i think why i'm so socially awkward si because i really didn't talk to people in middle school... i had no one to tlak to... i jsut answered the quesitons... it was school and work... it is mostly girls who have ever hurt me... guys have too, but for the most part it was girls.. even when i was 3 i was geting hurt. one girl put me in the hospital at age three for her abuse towards me... she held my down and chocked me.. mom found me and took me to the hospital, my eyes were bleeding..the docotr said that was a result of either her scratching a blood vessel in my eye, or form chocking me... i had scratces all over. it wasn' good... i've also been punched by a guy.. he was my neighbor and this was at school, what did the teacher say when i came up to her crying... suck it up... he was a year ahead of me, and i a second grader.... my nose was swollen.. i prayed to God everyday that he would send me 1 person... all i needed was one person just to talk to... Molly never stuck up for me... she never talked to me... i prayed my parents would take me out of that school and i cried every night, but i was never taken out.. my sister was too... oh we don't want her going through what you went through... it took you 9 years to realize that?!?!?! i cried every night to take me out!!! arghh... my sister has never had problems with friends.. never!!!!! i'm a bit jealous.. she is very social and very popular... never once been hurt by someone, she is lucky..

so for the last 2 year i had my first girl friend (friend). it was great.. i thanked God so many times... then she hurts me.. goes around tellign my bofriend and my best friend that i am a slut... and telling other peple... trying to turn people against me... as you can tell we are not friends this year... she was the only girl i've ever felt comfortable or close with... and she is gone... i've had more drama with girls this year though mostly from the girls in my photography clss.. they ditched me on our field trip, of course we were far away from home... so i had no idea of the area.. it scked... besides that jsut pushing and the usual girl drama that happens.. this one girl told me she was pregnant, i wasn't close friends with ehr... but i blieved her and i tried to get her help... i was kind to her while others weren't... and guess what she made up her pregnancy for attention... not only that.. she spread rumors that my mother and i were getting her an abortion!!! my family is christian, not only that but everone in my faimly finds abortion morally wrong... so we got highly offended as you can possilby imagine. just lts of drama, and i arghh its hard to deal..
i do have people that i can talk to now.. i have friends... but i feel like i'm too cautious aorund them... like i'm very self concious around people now.. paranoid about things i say and everything... arghh its so hard to explian.. like i even have had times tlaking to my boyfriend... i trust him... i really do.. i don't knwo its always that... thngs are good now... wait... they can't be ok.. nope somehting bad will happen... i know they wouldn't d oanything but arhh i dont' know why i'm like this...
i've poststed other rants about my life but this was more of a why i'm socially awkard i think rant... i'm sorry it was so long...
it just seems whenever i'm nice to someone i get hell for it... i end up losing everyone...
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Old February 25th, 2010, 11:41 AM   #2
Magus
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Name: Fae, The Witch
Join Date: February 22, 2010
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Age: 26
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Default Re: socially awkward... (rant is long)

What can I say...I am breathless....
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Old February 25th, 2010, 10:50 PM   #3
CuriousDestruction
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Default Re: socially awkward... (rant is long)

as am i, PM me if you ever wanna talk Yuki
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Old February 26th, 2010, 11:59 PM   #4
Asylum
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Name: Songül
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Blog Entries: 7
Default Re: socially awkward... (rant is long)

thanx Michael
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Old February 27th, 2010, 12:16 AM   #5
Iron Man
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Default Re: socially awkward... (rant is long)

That is terrible. I have heard of people being bullied by other students about anything, even religion. But I have never heard of teachers doing this. It makes me sick. We are all humans, we all have feelings. We are no different from anyone except for beliefs (and dna). Bullying does cause some people to become isolated because they can`t handle the constant harassment and ridicule. This can be helped with therapy or even switching schools and starting over. Don`t lose hope Yuki. Remember that when 1 door closes, 2 others open.



"Its not the top that's douchey. Its the person wearing it."
-Charles, on striped tank tops.


I own Harry Styles.
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Old March 1st, 2010, 07:55 PM   #6
Asylum
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Name: Songül
Join Date: December 1, 2009
Location: Istanbul, Turkey
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 7
Default Re: socially awkward... (rant is long)

thanx Skyler
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