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Old April 21st, 2018, 03:06 PM   #1
bougainvillea
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Name: shanie
Join Date: December 3, 2015
Age: 17
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Default Iím tired.

Itís just one of those nights. I had a shitty day at work, my legs are killing, I slept shitty last night and although I have to get up at 5am tomorrow for work itíll probably just be a direct repeat.

Every night kinda feels like this recently. Internally Iím so stressed out about my school deadlines, I have a 10hr exam starting on April 30th, coursework deadlines and tests are coming up before that when I should ideally be revising for this exam. Yet I have no motivation to change it. I get home from school, eat a bit of dinner, chill with my bf and play video games, i.e. no work gets done so I stress out even more, yet Iíd still stress out equally as much if I actually tried to do any schoolwork at home, which is something I want to grow out of.

Iím extremely fragile to mood changes this past week or so as well. Iíll feel okay and then 1 small thing, like the pressure to answer a non-serious question from family or friends, or Iíll remind myself of my deadlines and Iíll be done for the rest of the night. Inconsolable, crying, screaming breakdowns. This week Iíve relapsed from cutting a couple of times and I hate myself even more for doing it because I know it solves nothing but Iím addicted almost.

I feel so pathetic. My boyfriend doesnít deserve this emotional baggage because itís him that I have to cry to every night when heíd rather see me happy. No one else sees me like this because I just have to put up a mask and hope that no one questions it. Iím scared that heíll leave if I continue this because he deserves better.

Iím just kinda ranting outwards here, idk whatís even happening really. I just feel numb. And I really, really want to get to sleep but my brain wonít shut up. I just wanna stay in bed all day and do nothing for the rest of eternity and hopefully just fade away from everyoneís memories so they donít have to cope with my shit anymore.

bougainvillea - help and advice moderator

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Old April 24th, 2018, 06:35 AM   #2
Ilove318
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Name: Nirvana
Join Date: January 5, 2018
Location: Camelot
Age: 14
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Default Re: Iím tired.

I am so sorry to hear this. I canít say much about work, but I think you should take some time to yourself. Forget about everything and spend a day pampering yourself. After that, with a fresh mind, you can study and stuff. Otherwise, is it possible for you to take some time off work? And you can talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about your episodes. Maybe you can get help together? I donít know, but I hope this helps.
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Old April 25th, 2018, 10:17 PM   #3
RyanIsGay24
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Join Date: March 14, 2018
Location: Indiana
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Default Re: Iím tired.

I think you need some alone time to just let your mind rest, take a day off work and sleep in a bit. Hopefully, you'll feel a bit better and could maybe get started on your school work. You should also try to eat full and healthy meals, especially for breakfast. It will make you give you more energy and make you more content throughout the day. I know this probably wasn't much help but I hope you feel better and good luck on your exams!
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Old April 25th, 2018, 11:45 PM   #4
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Default Re: Iím tired.

Hey,

I feel you mate. It sucks when the weight of the world feels like it's on your shoulders, when your legs just feel like spilling and you want to just lay on the floor.

Just take it in for awhile. Breathe. Think. If you have to, just lay down flat and process. We move too fast sometimes and it fucks everything up.

Look, the same thing happens to me. It has literally gone to the point where I put myself under so much duress that my blood pressure boils, I get nervous, jitter, and ultimately faint or endure minor episodes of chest pain. I've gone to four doctors in two days. It's not good to keep it in.

Talk to someone. Look back on your past accomplishments. Do what makes you happy. Do what keeps you sane. Asking for help is better than doing nothing about it (which is why I failed my geometry class lol).

Anyways, just take care of yourself. Things are just easier when you take them in strides. You'll be okay. Just take some time to reminisce/relax. We all just need that at some point.
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