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Old April 10th, 2015, 11:45 AM   #1
City Kid
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Default Everything is finally getting back together

I've been suffering from depression on and off for over 2 years. Now is the first time I can say that I think I'm actually getting better.
Everything started in early 2013. I was feeling extremely lonely and hopeless at that time. That feeling only lasted for about two or three months though, then I suddenly got better and was happy for a pretty long time.
Then, about one year later, in early 2014, I was getting bad again. I hated school, I hated my life, I hated myself. In February 2014 I was having my first panic attack ever. That was kinda traumatizing for me and it was the first time I told my parents about how depressed I was. Together, we went to a doctor and asked her about what she thought was best for me. She recommended a psychiatrist who was also a psychotherapist. About one month later, I went to my first appointment with that psychiatrist. But I was somewhat ashamed about the whole thing, which is why I wasn't completely honest and open. Neither to my psychiatrist, nor to my friends. I was in therapy for about half a year, but I didn't get diagnosed with depression back then. When summer came, I was starting to feel better though. At one point in August, I decided that I wanted to quit therapy, which I did. Probably one of the biggest mistakes I ever made.
Just a few months later, in October 2014, I started to get really bad again. But this time it was worse than ever. I had extremely much stress in school and started to hate everything again. It deteriorated until the 28th of February 2015, which I claim to be the worst day of my life. I had another really bad panic attack (it wasn't the second one ever though, I had many panic attacks in the time between February 2014 and February 2015). I got really suicidal. I had been having suicidal thoughts for a long time, but at that day I just couldn't take it anymore. I had already gotten myself a pack of sleeping pills to kill myself with, when I had one last idea. I started cutting myself. In a way it saved my life, because instead of taking the sleeping pills I spent the rest of the day with a razor blade in my hand. Becoming addicted to cutting added to my pile of problems though, which is why I'm extra happy that I can tell you that I became clean only 2 weeks after I started. On that day, which was the 11th of March, I told my father that I was self-harming. Because he was so scared I would kill myself, he drove me to the hospital right away. It was a hospital with a psychiatric ward for children and teenagers, which is where I got diagnosed with severe depression for the first time ever. I didn't stay there though, because I promised that I wouldn't hurt or kill myself. From that day on, everything started to get back together.
I went back to my psychiatrist and for the first time, I was completely open with her. I told her exactly how I felt and, even though it was really hard, also told her I had been suicidal and that I was self-harming. She confirmed the diagnose from the hospital and put me on antidepressants. The next few weeks were still hard because when you are on antidepressants, they only kick in after about 2 or 3 weeks of taking them. But right now, I'm at a point where they finally show their positive effect. I haven't had a panic attack or felt really down for about a week, which is the best I've been for months. I'm also back at therapy and if I should get worse again, I can always go to the hospital I've mentioned before. Plus, I finally told my closest friends about the diagnose. They are more supportive than I ever dared to hope.
So overall, I've still got a hard, long way ahead of me, but for the first time in a long while, I see light at the end of the tunnel. To all of you who are currently struggling with depression: I'm telling you, you can fight through it, you can get better and you can be happy again.
Stay strong. Keep fighting. You can do it. <3

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

City Kid
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Old April 10th, 2015, 12:11 PM   #2
Vermilion
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Default Re: Everything is finally getting back together

It's really good news and that you've properly opened up is a massive step. I'm in a similar situation as you I've been on antidepressants for just over a month. Like you've said to other people you can get though this it's not an easy road but I'm sure you'll get there you'll doing great
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Old April 10th, 2015, 12:30 PM   #3
SethfromMI
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Default Re: Everything is finally getting back together

glad things are beginning to go well for you

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Old April 22nd, 2015, 04:47 AM   #4
KeeganW
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Default Re: Everything is finally getting back together

That is really good, and its great you have your friends to help you too when you need them.
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Old July 18th, 2015, 12:24 PM   #5
City Kid
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Default Re: Everything is finally getting back together

Update, guys.

Since the 10th of June I've now been in a psychiatry for young people who are between 13 and 18 years old. Not even because I got worse again, I just felt like I was stuck at a specific point on my way of recovery.
Going to this clinic was one of the best decisions I ever made. I can't even put in words how much I've learned in there. About myself, about my depression, and about life in general.
I've also made quite a lot of friends in there. It's amazing that I get to meet people who know what it's like to struggle with a mental illness. It makes me feel less alone, less lost.
I almost forgot about the most obvious part, which is therapy. I get to talk to my psychologist basically whenever I want or need to. I also have music therapy, art therapy, ergotherapy and relaxation therapy. All of it is interesting and most of the time quite a lot of fun, too.

I could tell you so much more about how life is getting better, but I've got to get going. On Sunday and Saturday I'm allowed to go home and/or meet my friends, but it's already past 7 pm and I need to be back at 8 o'clock.

Have a nice day!

City Kid
MAD(D) | in recovery since February 2014

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Old September 27th, 2015, 07:08 PM   #6
dysterian
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Default Re: Everything is finally getting back together

Hope you can get through it!
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