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Old March 8th, 2010, 11:12 PM   #1
AverageS
New Member
 
Name: Seth
Join Date: January 19, 2010
Location: Eastern US
Gender: Male
Default done, I hate my life

I fucking hate my life. Im a teenage boy and I just spent the last 20 minutes crying... that didn't help at all, that just makes me feel like Im a pussy and dislike myself even more. I want it to be like when I was really little. Kindergarden wasnt to bad but I was constantly bullied and even beat up a few times in 1-5 so I switched schools. 6th grade sucked, i didnt know anyone and had hardly any friends, only one really close. In 7th grade I got in trouble A LOT and was almost kicked out of my school, sent to counselors etc. This had the side effect of people thinking I was funny and that was nice, but 8th grade was pretty similar to this. Now I'm at about 3/4th of the way through my freshmen year and I fucking hate everyone at my school. I've gone to private schools my whole life, as did my brothers, and my family is really poor, cant really pay the bills, Im not sure what my parents do. All the kids there are really well off. I have never been on a vacation except when one of my "friends" took me on one with him. Everyone I know goes on vacations and such all the time, or if we hang out on the weekend they have all kinds of money to do things with "oh, my parents just gave me 25 dollars, just like they do every time I go out" I have no money to do things with... I have to spend my own. I've tried to get a job but no one wants to hire a 15 year old kid, didnt really think they would. I cant do anything I want to at school. I love to play soccer, but since I havent been playing on club teams my whole life I cant get on the schools team because they are so good... I doubt my family could even afford a club teams fees. I also think the drum line looks cool, but again my schools is too good and I would be making a fool of myself. I have also recently lost my faith. I hate that, Im raised in a religious family but I just doubt my faith so much, and even when I did have faith dying was my greatest fear and now thats just worse with me having a pretty good feeling that Ill just be gone... I dont like my "friends" They all belittle each other for fun, we cant just laugh and have a good time, we have to fuck with each other and be dicks, and after being bullied and a loner most of my life that gets to me real quick, and when I get mad they dislike me and my rep just gets worse. I just hate living my life, there's nothing I enjoy doing. Since I cant really do anything that I want to (soccer) and I hate the kids I go to school with Im stuck playing xbox with my friends, or computer games. Too bad my computer sucks and is from 2003 and freezes up, or that it just loses connection. It's also too bad that all these "friends" just talk shit about each other on xbox and get the biggest egos possible. I fail at being a geek and at being athletic/social, FUN. So to sum it up
1. I haven't been able to do things others kid always have (vacation)
2. I got bullied through most of grade school, and when I wasnt I was in trouble, so I hated grade school life
3. My family cant afford shit so Im stuck with the crappy hand me downs n such that I have, and the things I do have dont even work properly
4. I'm losing my faith
5. I cant do any school activities I want
6. I dont like the majority of my friends, I dont feel any real association to them
7. I cant stand going to school
8. As Im typing this I should probably be going to bed but thats not going to happen tonight

This is really messily typed and a bitch fest, but I really do hate my life and feel like Im reaching a low... I just sat there and cried while everyone else in my house slept. I had to make myself stop and get on here and do something. I just couldnt stop thinking about not having any real close friends, and how I've never really enjoyed my life since I've been in school...

On a side note, I'm just curious if this is plausible as Ive always wondered. I've always had a soft spot for kiddy things, not in a weird way, but in the sense of I find things to be adorable and such really easily. Im thinking maybe its because things like this are associated with early childhood and thats the only part of my life where I think I was truly that happy and wasnt sad about anything. (Im talking about when I see stuffed animals from my childhood/books my parents would read my I just kind of melt and such, I Dont tell anyone I know because Im sure they would make fun of me)
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