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Old October 10th, 2017, 04:22 PM   #1
Michael75
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Name: Michael
Join Date: January 25, 2014
Location: Ireland
Age: 17
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Default Advice needed

Right this is like my fucking third time typing this out from scratch because I’m that fucking confused

I cut for the first time Sunday. Everything is going great for me, I’m physically fit, school is going well, I’ve a car, motorbike, loving family, ot family problems, a girlfriend who i love… ah theres the problem
I think i love her too much. Last Sunday we fought, a proper fight. First time since we started going out (march) i felt so bad because i could’ve prevented it. I’ve been in shit from since last week anyway for some reason, and sunday didn’t help it. So i cut. The scary thing is it helped, i felt like the worries had gone with the blood. The worrying part is i think it fucking helped at the time and I'm afraid i might do it again if things get bad again, But now I’m even worse, i feel so guilty, i always told myself id never do that but i did it, never mind over a fuckng girl. I love her so much, its not teenage naivety i know what i fucking feel and i don’t need to look anymore. She claims that she feels the same but I’m not sure, i cant convince myself that she does. Anyway. She used to cut, and i know how i felt when she admitted it,i felt physically sick. How the fuck would she feel if she learned i cut because of her? I cant talk to anyone. Two of my close friends aren’t close anymore, theres another lad I’m really close to but i just cant tell him because i know even though he’ll support me he’ll basically tell me to wise up but its not that simple.
I obviously don’t wanna tell the girl because it’ll kill her and may seriously impact our relationship, but the guilt is too much i cant stop thinking about it. Obviously she’ll understand because she used to, but I’m afraid it’ll annoy her too much because i did it to do do with her, and she might relapse. I never imaged myself to be talking about my cutting but I’m here anyway. Thing is we’re sexually active, and her parents are going away for a few days over halloween. we’ll be naked for most of the time so she’d bound to see it. The cuts are like on my thighs, like on the sides, basically beside my balls. If she’s down there, and its bright, she’s gonna see. And they won’t be gone by halloween. Plus if she sees them, she’ll get thick even more because i didn’t tell her. Btw I'm not breaking up with her because ill feel so much worse. And i wouldnt say that the relationship is causing mental abuse, because i tend to overthink things myself its nothing to do with her. She's the most important person in my life.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Apologises for the long windedness. Thanks.

- Edit. By the way, my gut instinct is not to tell her, because it'll fucking kill her. But at the same time something is nagging at me just to fucking tell her because she's probably gonna see at some stage, especially during dirt.

Last edited by Michael75; October 10th, 2017 at 04:30 PM.
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Old October 12th, 2017, 10:55 PM   #2
InDarkerLight
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Default Re: Advice needed

I suggest looking around the forums for more help about not cutting but I can tell you that I felt the same (though I was in a worse situation) I cut on a Sunday night and BOOM. My problems went from 100 to 0 in a split second. Thing is, that was just a scratch. A week later and I had a gash in my thigh looking for the same relief. It has been about a week from that and now I have another cut on my thigh and a cut on my wrist. I can only say that the catch with this is the scars, the one thing that, if you continue, won't go away. I notice that you won't really find another reason to cut anytime soon but the worst is when your life gets better for a few days afterward and you think that it was just a bad day but then life sweeps you off your feet and you find yourself emotionless with fresh cuts on yourself. All I can say is not to do it again. As for your girlfriend, I'm sorry to say that I can't really help there. Here are some questions though, do you know how she is in life rn? As long as you know that there won't be a relapse, it might be best to tell her because she will understand the most since she has a history with this stuff. The important part is that she USED to. Maybe she can't help to prevent it from happening again. That's all I have to say.
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Old October 13th, 2017, 05:40 AM   #3
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Default Re: Advice needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael75 View Post
Right this is like my fucking third time typing this out from scratch because I’m that fucking confused

I cut for the first time Sunday. Everything is going great for me, I’m physically fit, school is going well, I’ve a car, motorbike, loving family, ot family problems, a girlfriend who i love… ah theres the problem
I think i love her too much. Last Sunday we fought, a proper fight. First time since we started going out (march) i felt so bad because i could’ve prevented it. I’ve been in shit from since last week anyway for some reason, and sunday didn’t help it. So i cut. The scary thing is it helped, i felt like the worries had gone with the blood. The worrying part is i think it fucking helped at the time and I'm afraid i might do it again if things get bad again, But now I’m even worse, i feel so guilty, i always told myself id never do that but i did it, never mind over a fuckng girl. I love her so much, its not teenage naivety i know what i fucking feel and i don’t need to look anymore. She claims that she feels the same but I’m not sure, i cant convince myself that she does. Anyway. She used to cut, and i know how i felt when she admitted it,i felt physically sick. How the fuck would she feel if she learned i cut because of her? I cant talk to anyone. Two of my close friends aren’t close anymore, theres another lad I’m really close to but i just cant tell him because i know even though he’ll support me he’ll basically tell me to wise up but its not that simple.
I obviously don’t wanna tell the girl because it’ll kill her and may seriously impact our relationship, but the guilt is too much i cant stop thinking about it. Obviously she’ll understand because she used to, but I’m afraid it’ll annoy her too much because i did it to do do with her, and she might relapse. I never imaged myself to be talking about my cutting but I’m here anyway. Thing is we’re sexually active, and her parents are going away for a few days over halloween. we’ll be naked for most of the time so she’d bound to see it. The cuts are like on my thighs, like on the sides, basically beside my balls. If she’s down there, and its bright, she’s gonna see. And they won’t be gone by halloween. Plus if she sees them, she’ll get thick even more because i didn’t tell her. Btw I'm not breaking up with her because ill feel so much worse. And i wouldnt say that the relationship is causing mental abuse, because i tend to overthink things myself its nothing to do with her. She's the most important person in my life.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Apologises for the long windedness. Thanks.

- Edit. By the way, my gut instinct is not to tell her, because it'll fucking kill her. But at the same time something is nagging at me just to fucking tell her because she's probably gonna see at some stage, especially during dirt.
I'm in a similar situation you are. My GF used to cut and when I started talking about my self harm more she relapsed, so I can't talk to her as much anymore. I get what you're saying about not being sure if your feelings are reciprocated. If you aren't comfortable telling her then don't yet, but if she finds out without you telling her it'll be much much worse, believe me since it's what I did. Tell her you aren't sure of her feelings, and that you have recurring problems having faith in that. From my experience people, especially those who've been through mental issues before, will understand. I'm always available to chat as well if it will help.

Also, its best if you don't cut in that place you described, there's major arteries there that are not exactly easy to hit but it's still dangerous. Stay safe. Best of luck to you.

17, Male, Nudist, Depression and Panic Disorder/General Anxiety Disorder. Always trying to help others out with some things I've learned along the way. Feel free to ask me anything.
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Old October 21st, 2017, 02:09 PM   #4
Microcosm
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Default Re: Advice needed

@Michael75,

Doing harm to oneself is only an effective coping method because it rationalizes the pain that you're feeling as a consequence of your own actions. In other words, your brain convinces itself that this pain is your own fault, and therefore that self-punishment is suitable. However, this is the nature of delusion. Delusion can thereby spread into other aspects of your life. That being said, it's important to nip the self-harm situation in the bud before it gets out of hand.

Relationships are always a risk because they almost always involve some degree of disagreement, fighting, and suffering that leaves both people scarred and discouraged. Chances are she's probably feeling the same things you're feeling. This is hard piece of advice to put into action, but here goes: You have to develop self-control and be the bigger man whenever you or she feel the urge to fight. You have to consciously realize that the relationship itself is more important than any quarrel that could be had in the present moment and, by so checking your priorities, leave the room calmly and tell her that the reason is that you are prioritizing the relationship over the fighting as you fear it will harm more than help the both of you.

I hope I have helped here. I really hope that you and her work out and have a fulfilling, mutually beneficial relationship in the future.
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