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Old October 28th, 2015, 09:21 PM   #1
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Name: Willow
Join Date: October 28, 2015
Location: new york
Gender: Female
Default flare ups(?)

Hey, I'm willow,
So, okay so i was diagnosed at 10, been through the whole prescription works (Ritalin, adderall, generic, therapy, ect, ect) and its all done basically b.s. and it makes me feel like not me like im trapped. Like adderall, yes, extremely helpful, totally makes me focus and i get everything done, but like i also lose my sense of humor and im irritable and even though i do accomplish all everything like i feel like im cheating or something like i feel like its not really me doing it.
I just dont dig it.
Anyway, this is my first semester at college and decided that i wasnt going to take meds and see what happens and school work wise, im fine. The work takes longer sure, (like it just took me three hours to read 35 pages in a book) but like i can make the time to take the time to get it done.
The problem is that like I cant stop thinking. Ever. Unless im drunk. And its driving me crazy.
Like, I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend whom ive been in love with for like 2 years now and we only get to see each other like twice a month because shes goes to another college. And a couple of weeks ago it was the first time id seen her in a long time and we were hugging and kissing and it was supposed to be a nice moment and then i just started thinking about like what would happen if european explorers had ever traveled to the Americas. Like it ruined the mood and it was so stupid and its all the time. I can just never stop thinking unless ive been drinking and alcoholism isnt socially acceptable so thats not the solution.
And like today i was trying to calm down so i started counting in intervals of 10 but then like. i started thinking at the exact same time? like is that even possible? like was counting and while i was counting i started thinking about something i was going to say to my girlfriend but i was still counting while having this inner dialogue.
its just so frustrating and i cant talk to anyone of my friends here because they just hear adhd and ask if ill sell them adderall and i cant talk to my girlfriend because she just thinks i should start taking meds again.
idk. it feels good just to type this out honestly.
If anyone has any advice or wants to talk im all ears(:
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Old November 4th, 2015, 06:23 PM   #2
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Join Date: August 30, 2015
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: flare ups(?)

I dunno what to say. I remember when i was smaller and i used to think how weird it was that i was thinking about something ALL THE TIME, just thoughts continuously flowing through my head, nonstop, never finding a moment of silence. But that went away as i grew a bit older, now i think how utterly weird it is that i can sit down and there isn't a single thought in my head.

Sorry, i wish i could be of more help.

I would really recommend though to engage in extracurricular activities, do things you are passionate about and really like.
I would also recommend to take up sports, it sounds clich, but it REALLY does make you feel so much better. I took up rowing at university, it made a huge difference in my wellbeing.

Also what the fuck are you doing around people who when you tell them about how you feel ask you to sell them adderall?
I can't stress this enough, but life is too fun to be wasting it around people you don't completely like.

I think we need to give away with a view that having a disorder is inferior, as compared to not having one is being superior. It is indeed true that a person with adhd/dyslexia operates/thinks differently, that is however not to say that one is better than the other.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

I do not think medication can work as a long term solution. You are the way you are. The way life is now with medication does not seem to be satisfactory for you. Try to face the world without medication, however the world may be and see for yourself whether it is ugly or beautiful.

p.s. I think the world is beautiful.

Last edited by Albee; November 4th, 2015 at 06:28 PM.
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