I feel nuts!

So like idk here I am again complaining! I feel like I don't have a grasp on things! I feel like when I talk about my experiences with my mental health or familial problems i'm lying. I'm so frustrated! I'd rather live in my lala land but i'm 18. Dumbass you can't do that any more! My thoughts are scattered and i just want to feel normal. I feel like a liar like what if my mom isn't verbally abusive what if I go to the hospital and they deny my worries! I'm going crazy I don't wanna go to the doctors. I feel like i'm losing myself. Cause I've been told many things like "you're autistic" or "you're dyslexic" and now "you're an indigo child" i'm sorry mother that doesn't help me! I'm so conflicted Ma I come to you to talk and you agrue out of the clear blue or correct what i said although what i said wasn't wrong does not make me want to talk to you!

Sorry about this post guys i just feel uncertain about my point of view almost like i'm making shit up and idk of i have adhd or autism or i'm a "indigo child". Or if i'm verbally abused or if i'm just emotionally sensitive to words. I'm gonna just try and clear my mind and hope it stays that way

Firstly, indigo children are a new age myth. Ok? Good.
Secondly, you need to see a Phyciatrist about these thoughts, a shrink is the only person who is cabable of giving you real answers.
Also, Try to stay away from your mom whenever you can, she's clearly not good for you.

U don't want to go to the doctors
but it would b a good idea at least
to give u something to calm ur
nerves. I think the problem might
b anxiety.

I think a lot of what you're experiencing is anxiety. I myself suffer from anxiety disorder, and I feel disconnected and like I'm not quite in touch with myself a lot. Try to clear your head as much as possible! Obviously, I don't know what will work best for you, but I can say that for me, whenever I start thinking something like that, I correct myself, and I find that eventually I quit having those thoughts so often and feel more connected.

Best of luck to you, I hope things get better!