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Old April 11th, 2014, 03:32 PM   #1
CosmicNoodle
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Name: Joe
Join Date: July 21, 2013
Location: Yo mamas ass
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 3
Red face Soon I will be officially insane.....im scared....

Let's start from the top, I suffer from depression, extreme anxiety to the point I am convinced people are outside my house trying to get in at me, panic attacks, and what could possibaly be bipolar disorder. I also have a long history of Suicidal thoughts and have attempted the worst more than once. I have a mental illness, my doctors and phyciatrists are sure of that.
I have known I wasn't quite *right* for a long, long time, but come next week a team of phyciatrists will sit down and tell me exactly what's "wrong". I'm " ill" right now, but by next week it will be official, there will be a lawful doctors report proving I am broken.

Oddly, I know I'm "insane" right now, but just something about it being made official is fucking terrifying, enough so to trigger panic attacks. Did anyof you find being diagnosed scarey because its official, despite knowing your odd before hand?

My group of friends, and a few people in my class know what's wrong with me so they understand if I have a funny turn, but something about it being official, the government, doctors, my college, my extended family knowing about it. Having a bit of paper that's basically says "your mind is a broken, scarey, twisted place" is terrifying.

I suppose at the end of the day it could be 1000% worse, I could be missing a limb or have cancer, but something about the hole thing is just starting to scare me lately.
Im just scared and just wanted to let of steam and have a rant.
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