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Old December 23rd, 2013, 06:15 PM   #1
Natsuki
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Join Date: August 10, 2013
Gender: Male
Default Psychological Abuse

I haven't posted here in quite a while, but I don't know where else to turn. I've been in a relationship with a girl for over a year now, but these past 4 or 5 months have been hell. We used to be really close and she loved me so much, but now all she does is hurt me. Let me first say that I'm not putting all the blame on her. I consider myself to be a bad boyfriend and I've lied and hurt her many times. She always asks me to change myself and become stronger for her and I always say I will, but I never do. There's a lot of things she doesn't like about me, but one of the biggest problems is that I never talk when we're on video or voice chat. It's not that I don't want to talk to her. I just have a really difficult time coming up with stuff to say. She also doesn't like the fact that I'm on disability and doesn't consider what I have to be a disability and she tells me I should go and find a job.

I agree with her on that. I really do need a job. I just never try hard enough to get one. Last week I thought things were finally good between us again because she was being incredibly nice to me and made me feel so happy. It was the best feeling I've had in a long time. Yesterday things went back to the way they used to be though and she was yelling at me again. She's bipolar, so she has mood swings a lot. I forgive her for that, but it hurts so much when she goes from loving me to hating me.

I can't stand this pain she puts me through. Today for the first time in my entire life I started cutting myself to relieve the pain while drinking a bottle of alcohol. The stinging pain in my arm actually feels good. I shouldn't like it, but it's a nice release. The logical thing to do at this point would be to break up with her, but it's not that easy. I consider her to be my soulmate and I'd do anything for her. I love her more than anything. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but she doesn't feel the same. I know I should just let her be free, but I'm scared of being alone. I don't want to be lonely and depressed again like I used to. I just don't know what to do.

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