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Old March 2nd, 2019, 09:38 AM   #1
Stronk Serb
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Default What the hell happened...

Okay, so a weeks ago I was at this party and got left alone with people I do not know. So this girl (who was very irritating if you ask me) sat next to me. Keep in mind I was drunk, and she drank a little. So she started trying to force herself on me, telling me she loves me, forcefully kissing me, touching me, touching me inappropriately (keep in mind I tried to resist as much as possible and raised my voice sternly to tell her to stop), trying to unzip my pants, trying to drag me into a bedroom, putting her hand in my pants, trying to get me or force me to sleep with her. I'd say it was an attempted rape, because it would be treated as such if it happened to a woman. I remember I heard one guy was leaving so I asked him where he lived, turns out he lived a few kilometers from me so I hitched a cab with him and escaped that insane bitch.
She messaged me a few days later saying she was sorry for kissing me. I gave her a recap of what she did and saying she should be sorry for what she did and I told her how I felt. Used, forced to do something I don't want, humiliated, abused... She replied with 'Abused? You made me upset now'. I blocked her and deleted the number.

Now a few days ago I got a flashback from that night and whenever I think of women I get flashbacks. A friend said it could be possible that the abuse did not really impact my sexual orientation, how much it disoriented it. It's not that I am attracted to men now, but the whole ordeal left me scared of being alone with women and more comfortabpe with men around. When I say alone, alone as no one else around us.

I am thinking of seeing a therapist or something. Anyone of you have any advice?

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Old March 2nd, 2019, 09:48 AM   #2
Pultost
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Default Re: What the hell happened...

I'm sorry to hear that you experienced this, it was definitely abuse, and she had no business doing what she did, glad you blocked her.

I haven't been into a similar situation myself, but seeing a therapist sounds like a good idea so you can sort all this out.

"A shovel is never not useful".

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Old March 2nd, 2019, 04:16 PM   #3
Stronk Serb
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Default Re: What the hell happened...

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Originally Posted by Pultost View Post
I'm sorry to hear that you experienced this, it was definitely abuse, and she had no business doing what she did, glad you blocked her.

I haven't been into a similar situation myself, but seeing a therapist sounds like a good idea so you can sort all this out.
Yeah. Figured as much. I know a guy who was literally raped by a woman. Forced to have intercourse with her against his will. He is still pretty scarred. Feels bad man.

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Old March 2nd, 2019, 04:24 PM   #4
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Yeah. Figured as much. I know a guy who was literally raped by a woman. Forced to have intercourse with her against his will. He is still pretty scarred. Feels bad man.
That's messed up, I'm so sorry he had to experience that. Rape is just as bad no matter who's doing what to whom. I hope he's getting support and help after what happened.

"A shovel is never not useful".

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Old March 2nd, 2019, 04:35 PM   #5
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Default Re: What the hell happened...

I’ve found that for either gender it’s always more likely to happen when alcohol and drugs were around or used that places one in more danger of this than just being in the presence of the opposite sex.

No doubt you’re still in shock I think, but I think you’ll be okay in the long run.
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Old March 2nd, 2019, 08:45 PM   #6
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Default Re: What the hell happened...

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Originally Posted by Uniquemind View Post
Ive found that for either gender its always more likely to happen when alcohol and drugs were around or used that places one in more danger of this than just being in the presence of the opposite sex.

No doubt youre still in shock I think, but I think youll be okay in the long run.
Would you have made these same comments if the victim had been a woman?
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Old March 2nd, 2019, 08:46 PM   #7
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Default Re: What the hell happened...

I'm sorry this happened to you. It was wrong.
You might consider going to the police; I don't know what the situation is in your country.

I may be helpful to see a therapist.

I wish you all the best.
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Old March 2nd, 2019, 11:59 PM   #8
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Would you have made these same comments if the victim had been a woman?
Yes it applies to both genders, and all sexual orientations, and is actually backed up and repeated information in all sexual assault trainings/education I’ve ever seen.

Alcohol being the number one date rape drug is true.

I never victim blamed anybody here if that’s what you’re implying.

——
Therapy is a good idea, but it tends to be a pricey thing.

But also fast track therapy (the goal of it) is to teach coping methods and strategies to keep moving with life, and that does include sometimes extraction of a bad environment that is allowing one to stay entrenched in a dangerous culture.


And to put this matter in a more grey area, his assailant here could’ve had a dissociative identity disorder- aka: multiple personality, or a bunch of complicating factors. Or she was just irrationally high from her own substances taken.

Last edited by Uniquemind; March 3rd, 2019 at 12:05 AM.
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Old March 3rd, 2019, 02:26 AM   #9
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Default Re: What the hell happened...

I definitely agree that I think you’re still in shock from the situation, and suffering from some sort of post traumatic stress from the situation as you have these feelings of anxiety and distress when left alone around women.

In that situation I think you did the best thing just avoiding her and blocking her when she blatantly tries to gaslight you over message.

I like an idea of a police investigation but I doubt there’s much that can be done; they’re still very prejudiced against male sexual assault investigations (at least in the UK) plus - I’m not trying to offend here - but there’s no hard solid evidence that she did what she did, just eye witness testimony. And if it’s at a party, everyone’s probably drunk or high and were probably not trying to pay attention. It might be worth a try, but I think your focus should be on trying to sort out your mental distress through therapy rather than try and get justice.
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Old March 3rd, 2019, 08:07 AM   #10
Stronk Serb
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Default Re: What the hell happened...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pultost View Post
That's messed up, I'm so sorry he had to experience that. Rape is just as bad no matter who's doing what to whom. I hope he's getting support and help after what happened.
Yeah, he doesn't talk about it, but when I am around I try to not make the main triggers and just be good to him, no matter what.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uniquemind View Post
I’ve found that for either gender it’s always more likely to happen when alcohol and drugs were around or used that places one in more danger of this than just being in the presence of the opposite sex.

No doubt you’re still in shock I think, but I think you’ll be okay in the long run.
I think so too. I mean it wasn't as bad as if I was actually forced to have intercourse. It will take less time ti get it over with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zika View Post
Would you have made these same comments if the victim had been a woman?
Please, do not turn this into another debate, I think we are all on the same page here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zika View Post
I'm sorry this happened to you. It was wrong.
You might consider going to the police; I don't know what the situation is in your country.

I may be helpful to see a therapist.

I wish you all the best.
I don't think anything would happen. Plus I did not know any of the possible witnesses, and we were all really drunk.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uniquemind View Post
Yes it applies to both genders, and all sexual orientations, and is actually backed up and repeated information in all sexual assault trainings/education I’ve ever seen.

Alcohol being the number one date rape drug is true.

I never victim blamed anybody here if that’s what you’re implying.

——
Therapy is a good idea, but it tends to be a pricey thing.

But also fast track therapy (the goal of it) is to teach coping methods and strategies to keep moving with life, and that does include sometimes extraction of a bad environment that is allowing one to stay entrenched in a dangerous culture.


And to put this matter in a more grey area, his assailant here could’ve had a dissociative identity disorder- aka: multiple personality, or a bunch of complicating factors. Or she was just irrationally high from her own substances taken.
I do agree that some people take to alcohol and drugs worse than others. Police is of no use, but a friend of mine can get me into reputable therapy for like 6$ per session which is dirt cheap even for Serbia's standards.

I know one of my exes was a rape victim and in the beggining would be very stressed when she was with me alone, for example at my place. I noticed kind of a pattern I could compare. Despite breaking up on bad terms, I hope she is getting the help and copings needed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yeehaw View Post
I definitely agree that I think you’re still in shock from the situation, and suffering from some sort of post traumatic stress from the situation as you have these feelings of anxiety and distress when left alone around women.

In that situation I think you did the best thing just avoiding her and blocking her when she blatantly tries to gaslight you over message.

I like an idea of a police investigation but I doubt there’s much that can be done; they’re still very prejudiced against male sexual assault investigations (at least in the UK) plus - I’m not trying to offend here - but there’s no hard solid evidence that she did what she did, just eye witness testimony. And if it’s at a party, everyone’s probably drunk or high and were probably not trying to pay attention. It might be worth a try, but I think your focus should be on trying to sort out your mental distress through therapy rather than try and get justice.
I do not want to press charges or anything, just get the whole thing over with. Even if I can get her charged and sentenced, I would spend too much time getting her to pay a small fine or spend a few weeks in jail. It's not worth it, really. I do not think the Serbian law recognizes attempted rape for both men and women as victims, so it would be a sexual harassment charge.

Still, the thing that mostly grinds my gears is that finally after getting over a nasty breakup and a nasty situation I was in, mentally, this happens.

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Old March 3rd, 2019, 08:14 AM   #11
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Default Re: What the hell happened...

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Last edited by Zika; March 3rd, 2019 at 08:19 AM.
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