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Old January 5th, 2017, 08:22 PM   #1
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Jinglebottom's Forum Picture
Join Date: October 20, 2015
Location: Lebanon
Gender: Male
Default There's nothing worth living for.

I know I've said that I've gotten over the suicidal feelings that have been plaguing me non-stop for years. Yeah, that was a lie.

I'm worthless, a disappointment, there's no point. I'm never going to achieve something worthwhile, or contribute to anything in our world, I'm never going to make my parents and family happy, because I'm nothing but a failure, a failure that keeps on failing. They deserve better than me, I'm never going to make them proud, I bet they hang their heads in shame whenever someone mentions me. I honestly feel like I have nothing that makes me feel happy any longer, I just spend my days laying in bed, secretly hoping I die (I'm too cowardly to actually commit suicide, but given the opportunity I would gladly relieve everybody of my worthless, pathetic presence). I'm never going to find happiness in my life, I'm always going to be insecure, lonely, mentally unstable, irritable, I'm always going to wonder, "what went wrong?". I've stopped taking care of myself, I don't have the motivation to do anything any longer, all I do is put on a fake smile and act like it's all sunshine and roses in front of my family and friends. If they found out I was gay they would throw me out the way you take out the trash.
I always feel excluded, unloved, lonely, isolated, I can't tell anyone anything, I can't vent, I have no shoulder to cry on if needed, no one who supports me or cares about me more than superficially.
I truly believe there's no place for me in this world. I'm passionless, self-hating, my life has no meaning, I will never amount to anything, I'm going to die feeling the same way I feel right now, miserable. I wish it would all end, I really do. I can't even cry.

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