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Old November 15th, 2019, 05:22 AM   #21
Pultost
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Default Re: Game over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uniquemind View Post
I was in a similar situation around this time last year, itís different even a year later especially if the relationship you had to end was really a good one. I recommend staying single for a little while, I tried to date after my breakup and it has been hit-or-miss, and sometimes you feel guilty for not being fully emotionally invested in new attempts at a relationship with another.

As for staying in touch with your current, Iíd suggest you and him setup backup email accounts exclusively for the purpose of communication in case mobile phone numbers change or other stuff can happen that causes you to lose touch.

Also keep yourself distracted for the months immediately after the breakup with hobbies, shopping, comfort food, and an intense exercise routine; swim and run away your grief it helps; trust me.
Thanks for the advice! Yes, I'm definitely not going to go dating for the hell of it, I need to "digest" this first.

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Originally Posted by Croconaw View Post
Iím sorry to hear that, but not all long distance relationships are doomed. You could have probably made it work, but you will never know now.

However, if both of you are in agreement that it would be better to end things, that is fine. That is better thaun there being a problem in the future and causing a breakup. Maybe the distance will close and you will be able to try again. It shouldnít be too difficult to start up again if you both ended your relationship on good terms.
Thanks. Maybe, but we agreed that maybes weren't good enough for us.

That's what we're thinking too. We're not going to keep one another for moving on and eventually dating others, but like I've mentioned earlier, if we're both single at some point when we're adults and can move about as we please and aren't depending on others for that, we can definitely give it another shot.

"A shovel is never not useful".

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Old November 15th, 2019, 05:45 AM   #22
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Default Re: Game over.

Sorry to hear that, it really sucks. It's a shame because you two had some great times together as so you told me and know each other since very young.

At least is good to know that both of you agreed on it and neither was dumped.




If I were you, I'd do me too

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Old November 15th, 2019, 05:55 AM   #23
Pultost
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Default Re: Game over.

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Sorry to hear that, it really sucks. It's a shame because you two had some great times together as so you told me and know each other since very young.

At least is good to know that both of you agreed on it and neither was dumped.
Thanks. Yeah we go way back which doesn't make it any easier.

Yeah I'm glad that wasn't the case, I think that would've been a lot worse.

"A shovel is never not useful".

-Lee Everett
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Old November 15th, 2019, 03:53 PM   #24
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Default Re: Game over.

As a gag gift, maybe buy a “clone-a-silly” or “clone-a-pussy” sex toy kit? I’ve heard some couples do that for a bit of a laugh and also to help cope for other needs when their missed partner is gone.

The blunt truth is the abrupt lack of sexual-touch, just ending intensifies the loss as well, in some ways couples who aren’t sexually linked yet but have to separate might have it easier innthat regard, but I don’t know for sure as I’ve only been in the former situation.
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Old November 15th, 2019, 04:00 PM   #25
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Default Re: Game over.

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Originally Posted by Uniquemind View Post
As a gag gift, maybe buy a ďclone-a-sillyĒ or ďclone-a-pussyĒ sex toy kit? Iíve heard some couples do that for a bit of a laugh and also to help cope for other needs when their missed partner is gone.

The blunt truth is the abrupt lack of sexual-touch, just ending intensifies the loss as well, in some ways couples who arenít sexually linked yet but have to separate might have it easier innthat regard, but I donít know for sure as Iíve only been in the former situation.
Well I was planning to get him a fleshlight for Christmas, but that's been the last thought on my mind lately, and they're moving on Monday. Guess I could always ship it to him, but that would be awkward for him and his parents.

That part will suck as well, true.

"A shovel is never not useful".

-Lee Everett
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Old November 15th, 2019, 04:15 PM   #26
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Well I was planning to get him a fleshlight for Christmas, but that's been the last thought on my mind lately, and they're moving on Monday. Guess I could always ship it to him, but that would be awkward for him and his parents.

That part will suck as well, true.
Well let me know if you two at least setup special email accounts as a backup communication method.

You would not believe how many of my friends have lost contact with other friends because of stolen or lost or broken phones.



Sometimes old fashion penpal or love letters work just because it makes you stop and think about your prose and what you want to say without the stress of “why aren’t they replying back” that texting kinda makes us expect.

At least you can get lost in new Star Wars movie as a distraction soon.

Last edited by Uniquemind; November 15th, 2019 at 04:19 PM.
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Old November 15th, 2019, 10:24 PM   #27
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Default Re: Game over.

I"m sorry this is happening to you. It sounded like you two had a good relationship. I remember when I read the two of you had been friends since childhood and now you were each others' first lovers. That's such a fairytale start to a relationship.

I never heard you say anything disrespectful of Leif. And I could often tell when your posts in "say what's on your mind" or "send someone a message" threads were about him.

I really don't have anything to add to what others have said, other than offering additional support.

My only thought about 'remaining friends' is it sometimes keeps you from being fully available to enter a new relationship. Though my limited experience with that was not with someone I had been friends with before we became romantically involved.

Please let us know how you're dealing with this, if you'd like.
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Old November 16th, 2019, 05:59 AM   #28
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Default Re: Game over.

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Originally Posted by Uniquemind View Post
Well let me know if you two at least setup special email accounts as a backup communication method.

You would not believe how many of my friends have lost contact with other friends because of stolen or lost or broken phones.



Sometimes old fashion penpal or love letters work just because it makes you stop and think about your prose and what you want to say without the stress of ďwhy arenít they replying backĒ that texting kinda makes us expect.

At least you can get lost in new Star Wars movie as a distraction soon.
Sure, will do.

That's true, it can happen, but in worst case, both my parents and brother got his number as well, and his parents got mine, so unless we all lose or break our phones at the same time, we'll be fine.

Good idea, that could be something to pick up.

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I"m sorry this is happening to you. It sounded like you two had a good relationship. I remember when I read the two of you had been friends since childhood and now you were each others' first lovers. That's such a fairytale start to a relationship.

I never heard you say anything disrespectful of Leif. And I could often tell when your posts in "say what's on your mind" or "send someone a message" threads were about him.

I really don't have anything to add to what others have said, other than offering additional support.

My only thought about 'remaining friends' is it sometimes keeps you from being fully available to enter a new relationship. Though my limited experience with that was not with someone I had been friends with before we became romantically involved.

Please let us know how you're dealing with this, if you'd like.
Thanks, we did, and it pretty much felt like a fairytale at times, almost too good to be true, which eventually turned out to be the case, unfortunately.

Yeah, you thought right. Sure, we didn't always agree about everything 24/7, but none of the few disagreements we had were ever worth mentioning.

I appreciate all support, so thanks.

I can understand that, and it would probably be the case if it wasn't because of one of us moving, it would be weird to see someone else and keep hanging out. And like you said, it's different since we've known each other pretty much our whole life.

Sure, I'll let you know.

"A shovel is never not useful".

-Lee Everett
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Old November 16th, 2019, 07:21 AM   #29
Uniquemind
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Default Re: Game over.

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Sure, will do.

That's true, it can happen, but in worst case, both my parents and brother got his number as well, and his parents got mine, so unless we all lose or break our phones at the same time, we'll be fine.

Good idea, that could be something to pick up.



Thanks, we did, and it pretty much felt like a fairytale at times, almost too good to be true, which eventually turned out to be the case, unfortunately.

Yeah, you thought right. Sure, we didn't always agree about everything 24/7, but none of the few disagreements we had were ever worth mentioning.

I appreciate all support, so thanks.

I can understand that, and it would probably be the case if it wasn't because of one of us moving, it would be weird to see someone else and keep hanging out. And like you said, it's different since we've known each other pretty much our whole life.

Sure, I'll let you know.
Childhood friends to lovers is thought to be a rare phenomena actually. There is data to suggest that the mental imprint towards such people tend to be intimately close but platonic in a way, like siblings that prevents the emotional tenor of the bond to transition into the spark of a romantic one. The difference I can sense between platonic love and romantic, has to do with a dash of carnality.

As my girl friends and I like to joke ďa little bit of rawrĒ.

It is thought that when early humans were more nomadic and tribal, the reason childhood to adult romances are rare, is because children growing up in the same village or group would mean generation upon generation would recycle the same gene pool leading to a lack of genetic diversity and eventually health concerns for the tribeís survival. So there is a impulse to seek independence from oneís original tribe of birth to that of another tribe for a sexual romantic mate to continue the species. These behaviors are also witnessed in other primates species too.

Anyway sorry I went full nerd here.
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Old November 16th, 2019, 05:06 PM   #30
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Default Re: Game over.

Hard to say anything other than i am so sorry as i havent got advice or a shared experience to give.
I guess the only consolation is you will have loads of great memories and who knows in a few years you may be able to get together again to share them.
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Old November 18th, 2019, 03:04 AM   #31
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Default Re: Game over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uniquemind View Post
Childhood friends to lovers is thought to be a rare phenomena actually. There is data to suggest that the mental imprint towards such people tend to be intimately close but platonic in a way, like siblings that prevents the emotional tenor of the bond to transition into the spark of a romantic one. The difference I can sense between platonic love and romantic, has to do with a dash of carnality.

As my girl friends and I like to joke ďa little bit of rawrĒ.

It is thought that when early humans were more nomadic and tribal, the reason childhood to adult romances are rare, is because children growing up in the same village or group would mean generation upon generation would recycle the same gene pool leading to a lack of genetic diversity and eventually health concerns for the tribeís survival. So there is a impulse to seek independence from oneís original tribe of birth to that of another tribe for a sexual romantic mate to continue the species. These behaviors are also witnessed in other primates species too.

Anyway sorry I went full nerd here.
It's alright, you probably have a point. I think it's pretty rare that such things happen as well.

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Hard to say anything other than i am so sorry as i havent got advice or a shared experience to give.
I guess the only consolation is you will have loads of great memories and who knows in a few years you may be able to get together again to share them.
Thanks, I appreciate the support, and yes, hopefully that might happen one day.

"A shovel is never not useful".

-Lee Everett
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Old November 18th, 2019, 04:26 AM   #32
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Default Re: Game over.

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It's alright, you probably have a point. I think it's pretty rare that such things happen as well.



Thanks, I appreciate the support, and yes, hopefully that might happen one day.
How many kilometers distance is between your two families now?

I also have to clarify one thing, it isnít just about cellphones breaking or being stolen either. Itís more often than not a family plan contract getting canceled and oneís family not notifying the other family of the change in numbers that disconnects contact with a distant friend or whomever.

Because of all the telemarketing calls, most people will assume a strange number is spam, and nobody will update anybody of the changes.

Thatís why i recommended email, because itís independent from the cell phone service provider.

The other option is to invite him to VT, but then he sees everything you posted here and you sacrifice a bit of an oasis of privacy and of emotional venting.

But given VT has no admins approving new members, that might not be an option either which is a bummer.
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Old November 18th, 2019, 06:10 AM   #33
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Default Re: Game over.

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How many kilometers distance is between your two families now?

I also have to clarify one thing, it isnít just about cellphones breaking or being stolen either. Itís more often than not a family plan contract getting canceled and oneís family not notifying the other family of the change in numbers that disconnects contact with a distant friend or whomever.

Because of all the telemarketing calls, most people will assume a strange number is spam, and nobody will update anybody of the changes.

Thatís why i recommended email, because itís independent from the cell phone service provider.

The other option is to invite him to VT, but then he sees everything you posted here and you sacrifice a bit of an oasis of privacy and of emotional venting.

But given VT has no admins approving new members, that might not be an option either which is a bummer.
They moved to Bergen, so that's about 460 kilometers, give or take.

True, if things go south between them, it could happen. I might get a Facebook account in a few years and see if he's got one as well by that time.

Yeah I'm not sure that will be such a good idea, and like you said, VT doesn't approve new members anymore, so if he was to sign up he shouldn't hold his breath.

"A shovel is never not useful".

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Old November 18th, 2019, 11:41 AM   #34
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Default Re: Game over.

Really sad to read that. I hope you are strong and make the best of the situation
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Old November 18th, 2019, 01:53 PM   #35
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Default Re: Game over.

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Really sad to read that. I hope you are strong and make the best of the situation
Thanks. Yeah this sucks, but I'm trying to make the best of it and take one day at the time.

"A shovel is never not useful".

-Lee Everett
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Old November 18th, 2019, 03:47 PM   #36
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Default Re: Game over.

Really sorry to hear that, hope things get better for you.
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Old November 18th, 2019, 05:30 PM   #37
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Really sorry to hear that, hope things get better for you.
Thanks, I'm still sad, but things are a bit better now than they were a few days ago.

"A shovel is never not useful".

-Lee Everett
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Old November 18th, 2019, 07:24 PM   #38
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Thanks, I'm still sad, but things are a bit better now than they were a few days ago.
Makes you wonder how couples in the 1700ís and before did it, where months went by without so much as a peep in communication between partners in some parts of the world. But I guess fear of the death penalty for adultery kept couples in line, or if they strayed it was kept secret.

Makes us wonder if modern generations are just undisciplined with our hearts on our sleeves all the time myself included.
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Old November 18th, 2019, 09:09 PM   #39
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Default Re: Game over.

Not to sound so P101 here but....the fleshlight is a really good idea, and prolly any boys best friend, whether or not they wanna admit it or not but....

Absence makes the heart grow fonder....

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Old November 19th, 2019, 08:51 AM   #40
Pultost
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Default Re: Game over.

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Makes you wonder how couples in the 1700ís and before did it, where months went by without so much as a peep in communication between partners in some parts of the world. But I guess fear of the death penalty for adultery kept couples in line, or if they strayed it was kept secret.

Makes us wonder if modern generations are just undisciplined with our hearts on our sleeves all the time myself included.
Yeah it's a wonder that the human race didn't get extinct with all that formality nonsense.

It could be that we're stretching it a little bit too far in the opposite direction, but I still take this time over that one any day.

Quote:
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Not to sound so P101 here but....the fleshlight is a really good idea, and prolly any boys best friend, whether or not they wanna admit it or not but....

Absence makes the heart grow fonder....
Yeah that's what I've heard, so I figured I'd get him one, but now that we're not together anymore it would just be weird.

"A shovel is never not useful".

-Lee Everett
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