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Old June 1st, 2018, 10:01 PM   #1
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Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
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Blog Entries: 4
Default Beyond 100 days

I posted in the no self-harm calendar that I haven't self-harmed for more than 100 days now.

I should be happy since this is a great accomplishment for me I never had such a long period of not hurting myself since I joined this place.

Weird enough I'm not happy or proud at all. I used self-harming to let go off too many emotions bottling up in me and not needing it just means there are no emotions in me at all. I feel drained, numb and sorta dead to everything. It just means my depressions have taken over way too much and drowned out all other feelings or anger issues I usually have.

So no self-harming basically just means I'm deep down in a black bottomless pit. Usually my emotions are running wild but now not anymore. This would be a good thing if I felt "normal" but it just means I'm feeling constantly bad.
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Old June 1st, 2018, 10:34 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 27, 2016
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Age: 18
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Default Re: Beyond 100 days


Having no emotions at all isn't due to not self-harming, per se - it's the negative build-up of emotions that leads to harming yourself, not vice versa. I think the numbness you have now is the result of the absence of a behavior that's been an ordinary part of you for a long period of time. That void has to be filled with something else, preferably a healthier alternative to give you purpose, something you'll look forward to. Sometimes I think of how long it's been since I've self-harmed and just get this awful detached feeling that lingers for a while because when I get depressed or really anxious, I miss it. Filling your time with meaningful things and channeling your emotions in other ways is better than doing nothing (even though that's probably all you feel like doing). Substitute a good for an evil.

I'm happy you've made it this far. If you need to get your emotions out, I'm here for you and suppoot you always.

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