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Old June 10th, 2019, 04:23 AM   #1
arnorway
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Default stares

i donít even know you, but i remember your stares. i really wanted to go swimming with my family. but i canít. yes, because of you! when i grabbed my swim shorts, your faces came to mind. i can clearly see them, like youíre right in front of me. nope, no swimming for me. no, mom, i just donít feel like it. yes, bro, iím sure. have fun, iíll just be by myself at home. why did i think of them? and why did i look in the mirror?
i hate those stares, both from others, as well as my own when i am in front of a mirror. yes, i can count my ribs by just looking. the end of my rib cage is clearly visible, as are my hip bones. and yes, i am sick of it! sick of having to drink these smoothies every day. sick of having to go to my family doctor every month to get weighed and measured, sick of celebrating that i finally have 40 kilos! and sick of the stares. yes, i have a healthy appetite. no, i am not sick. donít look at me thinking i need to eat more. and donít look at my parents and think they donít feed me
just don't!

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Old June 10th, 2019, 04:36 AM   #2
Pultost
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Default Re: stares

I'm sorry to hear that you have to experience that shit. Many people seem to lack manners, unfortunately. :/

"Hang in there" is the last thing you should be saying to a suicidal person.
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Old June 10th, 2019, 08:03 AM   #3
arnorway
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Originally Posted by Pultost View Post
I'm sorry to hear that you have to experience that shit. Many people seem to lack manners, unfortunately. :/
thanks
in the end, i did go swimming today. i wrote this in the morning, even though i posted it closer to lunch. felt really bad about it, but i talked with dad over lunch, and we did join my mom and brothers afterwards at the pool

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Old June 10th, 2019, 09:00 AM   #4
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Default Re: stares

Quote:
Originally Posted by arnorway View Post
i donít even know you, but i remember your stares. i really wanted to go swimming with my family. but i canít. yes, because of you! when i grabbed my swim shorts, your faces came to mind. i can clearly see them, like youíre right in front of me. nope, no swimming for me. no, mom, i just donít feel like it. yes, bro, iím sure. have fun, iíll just be by myself at home. why did i think of them? and why did i look in the mirror?
i hate those stares, both from others, as well as my own when i am in front of a mirror. yes, i can count my ribs by just looking. the end of my rib cage is clearly visible, as are my hip bones. and yes, i am sick of it! sick of having to drink these smoothies every day. sick of having to go to my family doctor every month to get weighed and measured, sick of celebrating that i finally have 40 kilos! and sick of the stares. yes, i have a healthy appetite. no, i am not sick. donít look at me thinking i need to eat more. and donít look at my parents and think they donít feed me
just don't!
I know how you feel but Iím the opposite bc Iím getting fatter. Except you did go swimming, I didnít. And Iím not gonna bc I canít taj my shirt off in public.

Come to America we have no problem making ppl fat. No more smoothies for you.
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Old June 10th, 2019, 09:28 AM   #5
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Default Re: stares

awww hugs for you Arne

I know it’s difficult to deal with other people like that. It’s a good step to be able to vocalize or write down how you feel and what you are thinking...even if it’s just to get it out there and get it out of your system. I wish people realize how they make others feel when they are being obviously uncomfortable to be around. That doesn’t do anything but make problems worse. I’m here if you ever need to chat (you know that). I’m proud of you for being able to talk about it

ĒI'd far rather be happy than right any dayĒ -Douglas Adams

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Old June 10th, 2019, 10:21 AM   #6
arnorway
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Originally Posted by Caycedilla View Post
awww hugs for you Arne

I know itís difficult to deal with other people like that. Itís a good step to be able to vocalize or write down how you feel and what you are thinking...even if itís just to get it out there and get it out of your system. I wish people realize how they make others feel when they are being obviously uncomfortable to be around. That doesnít do anything but make problems worse. Iím here if you ever need to chat (you know that). Iím proud of you for being able to talk about it
thanks

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Old June 10th, 2019, 12:15 PM   #7
Pultost
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Originally Posted by arnorway View Post
thanks
in the end, i did go swimming today. i wrote this in the morning, even though i posted it closer to lunch. felt really bad about it, but i talked with dad over lunch, and we did join my mom and brothers afterwards at the pool
I'm glad you went swimming anyway, screw the others!

"Hang in there" is the last thing you should be saying to a suicidal person.
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Old June 10th, 2019, 12:47 PM   #8
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Default Re: stares

As usual nothing clever to say apart from the fact that there are plenty of people who love you the way you are.
Tbh never seen a photo and not asking but just know you are kind and thoughtful and thats what people who know yku notice. Does that stop the stares hurting ..of course not but just let that thought creep into your mind when you sre feeling down.
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Old June 10th, 2019, 01:03 PM   #9
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Ignore them. That is what I did when I was also really skinny. I'm still skinny but a less than I used to be.
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Old June 10th, 2019, 06:00 PM   #10
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Default Re: stares

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArfyMcPeesh View Post
I know how you feel but Iím the opposite bc Iím getting fatter. Except you did go swimming, I didnít. And Iím not gonna bc I canít taj my shirt off in public.

Come to America we have no problem making ppl fat. No more smoothies for you.
Judging from what goes on in school and what's used in advertising,
overweight people are like the most ridiculed and, bullied and discriminated against.

If someone's not attracted to someone else, that's fine. But why make an issue of what they look like?
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Old June 10th, 2019, 06:46 PM   #11
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Default Re: stares

Huge hugs to you, Arne It is sooo hard to shut those thoughts out, I know. I am so glad you found the courage to talk to someone about your struggles and that you persevered and still went swimming! Brave friend.

So long and thanks for all the fish!
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Old June 10th, 2019, 11:11 PM   #12
arnorway
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Default Re: stares

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adamant View Post
As usual nothing clever to say apart from the fact that there are plenty of people who love you the way you are.
Tbh never seen a photo and not asking but just know you are kind and thoughtful and thats what people who know yku notice. Does that stop the stares hurting ..of course not but just let that thought creep into your mind when you sre feeling down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by karacoustic View Post
Huge hugs to you, Arne It is sooo hard to shut those thoughts out, I know. I am so glad you found the courage to talk to someone about your struggles and that you persevered and still went swimming! Brave friend.
thanks a lot, both of you

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Old June 11th, 2019, 01:18 AM   #13
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Default Re: stares

After reading your post Arne it reminded me when I had really bad acne breakouts on my forehead and cheeks. I was so self conscious and had to endure the stares, name calling and comments. It lasted for two years and thank God my parents were able to get me the help I needed. Shots, antibiotics, creams and laser. My face is clear. When I would go home crying and depressed my Mom, Dad and Brother were there for me and a handful of real friends. That helped me so much along with some counseling. It's so sad that people can be so mean, but we cannot let them control our lives. No one has the perfect body, we all have some sort of defect. I'm so proud of you that you said screw it and went swimming. Thank you for sharing your experience with all of us.
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Old June 11th, 2019, 01:50 AM   #14
arnorway
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Default Re: stares

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Originally Posted by nicktheman2003 View Post
After reading your post Arne it reminded me when I had really bad acne breakouts on my forehead and cheeks. I was so self conscious and had to endure the stares, name calling and comments. It lasted for two years and thank God my parents were able to get me the help I needed. Shots, antibiotics, creams and laser. My face is clear. When I would go home crying and depressed my Mom, Dad and Brother were there for me and a handful of real friends. That helped me so much along with some counseling. It's so sad that people can be so mean, but we cannot let them control our lives. No one has the perfect body, we all have some sort of defect. I'm so proud of you that you said screw it and went swimming. Thank you for sharing your experience with all of us.
thanks for your support, but also your share
thankfully i rarely get any name calling, but stares are bad enough for me as i already have another bunch of stuff to deal with. really looking forward to tomorrow as well, when i have therapy

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Old June 12th, 2019, 11:16 AM   #15
arnorway
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Default Re: stares

was at therapy today. obviously there's not "fix" for it, but i did talk about it the entire session and feel better now, after having talked about it twice and having been able to sort my own thoughts on it

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