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Old September 25th, 2017, 02:25 PM   #1
auser_name
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Default Shit hit the fan.

Hey, it's been a while since I last posted here and I've been, ugh, I don't even know. Its about my boyfriend I don't love anymore.

Two months ago I met this boy. He's an absolutely amazing boy who I instantly fell in love with. We started dating for a month and a half and things started of well but started to decline pretty fast. The first massive sign was when he told me that he was a jealous person and that he was jealous of me. At first I thought we could work through that, we could make it work. Then he started this thing where he would cause me of doing something I never did and when I proved to him I didn't do anything he would leave me. The morning after I had cried myself to sleep he would phone me and say he was sorry and we should get back together. Well the more he did this the less it hurt and the less happy I would feel the morning after until it got to the point where I just didn't love him anymore.

I started working up the courage to leaving him and then he drops the bombshell. He has Leukaemia. I've stayed with him and supported him the best I can but now my mental health is fading but I feel awful because of it. I feel so selfish of worrying about me when he is terrified that he is going to die. I don't know what I expected to come of this post but I glad I finally got out how I feel. And maybe someone could advise me on how to help my boyfriend more. He's first batch of treatment failed so he's going in for a blood transfusion.
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Old September 25th, 2017, 02:49 PM   #2
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

So sad I'm sorry auser name for the love problems you had that maybe you could have or not worked them out but I know you want to try to.Right now its great you are staying by his side in his desperate battle and he needs you for this.Those fights you had did not lead to this so don't blame yourself for the things you said.Right now just stay by his side weather for love or just friends.
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Old September 26th, 2017, 10:41 AM   #3
auser_name
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Default

He went to the doctors. It's terminal. He says the doctors have given him 12 months to live.

--

I dont know what to do.

posts merged. use the "edit" button next time. ~devotionnel

Last edited by devotionnel; September 26th, 2017 at 10:59 AM.
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Old September 26th, 2017, 11:48 AM   #4
Hermes
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

So as someone who doesn't know this b/f and only has what you have written to go it, it does like this b/f has to be in control of the relationship rather than being equal partners and some of his actions sound like attempts to manipulate you.

How sure are you that the Leukaemia is real? Could he have made it up specifically so you would go easy on him and would do his bidding rather than insist on a more even balance in the relationship?
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Old September 26th, 2017, 05:41 PM   #5
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermes View Post
So as someone who doesn't know this b/f and only has what you have written to go it, it does like this b/f has to be in control of the relationship rather than being equal partners and some of his actions sound like attempts to manipulate you.

How sure are you that the Leukaemia is real? Could he have made it up specifically so you would go easy on him and would do his bidding rather than insist on a more even balance in the relationship?
I don't want to sound like a jerk, so I'm sorry to say that this was my first inclination as well; he sounds very controlling, so is this his ultimate way of doing that to you? Even if it's true, that doesn't mean you have to be his boyfriend. You could be a friend to lend him support. Whether true or not, it sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Just my opinion.
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Old September 26th, 2017, 10:57 PM   #6
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by noah.whynot View Post
I don't want to sound like a jerk, so I'm sorry to say that this was my first inclination as well; he sounds very controlling, so is this his ultimate way of doing that to you? Even if it's true, that doesn't mean you have to be his boyfriend. You could be a friend to lend him support. Whether true or not, it sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Just my opinion.
So to inject some dark humor into the discussion, take him at his word, and if in 12 months the doctor's diagnosis changes, become more suspect of the situation?

I don't mean to offend, it's just that yeah this is a possibility. So I say dabble in a bit of empathy, with an empathetic cap on emotional investment. At a certain point draw a line, and guilt no more about crossing said line.
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Old September 28th, 2017, 10:19 AM   #7
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

Guys, I don't know. But right now I feel like the worst human being alive. Me and my, well, now ex boyfriend used to be part of this online chat group for gay teens. Last night I got a message from one of the other users telling me to back away from my boyfriend, telling me that he was his boyfriend now. After talking to another user they also informed me that my boyfriend told them that my boyfriend had left me. Cut an extremely long story short, we broke up and now I feel like the biggest piece of shit alive.

He phoned me this morning in tears begging me to go back but I could start the relationship again and now all I can think about is how I just abandoned this terminally persona all alone and afraid and now I just feel so fucking awful.
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Old September 28th, 2017, 09:13 PM   #8
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by auser_name View Post
Guys, I don't know. But right now I feel like the worst human being alive. Me and my, well, now ex boyfriend used to be part of this online chat group for gay teens. Last night I got a message from one of the other users telling me to back away from my boyfriend, telling me that he was his boyfriend now. After talking to another user they also informed me that my boyfriend told them that my boyfriend had left me. Cut an extremely long story short, we broke up and now I feel like the biggest piece of shit alive.

He phoned me this morning in tears begging me to go back but I could start the relationship again and now all I can think about is how I just abandoned this terminally persona all alone and afraid and now I just feel so fucking awful.
Well what's done is done. This is a new variable this online chat community you share, so that skews all the advice given before that revelation there.
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Old September 29th, 2017, 04:18 PM   #9
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by auser_name View Post
He phoned me this morning in tears begging me to go back but I could start the relationship again and now all I can think about is how I just abandoned this terminally persona all alone and afraid and now I just feel so fucking awful.
So it seems one way or another he is not being honest with you. Until he is, I don't think you owe him anything. If he is alone as a result of dishonesty then he has brought that on himself.
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Old October 18th, 2017, 06:08 PM   #10
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

He's going into hospital tomorrow. He needs blood transfusions. I'm scared for him. Does anyone know what this implicates. Please im begging.
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Old December 7th, 2017, 11:24 AM   #11
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

I know its been a while but I wanted to post a quick update and ask for your guys opinion. My boyfriend has been going to the hospital for check ups and hes been coming back telling me that his healthy blood count is going up. which Is a good thing right. This means its not terminal right? but last night I found out he was put on oramorph for pain relief which seems like a bad sign. what do you guys think? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Old December 7th, 2017, 04:52 PM   #12
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Default Re: Shit hit the fan.

Well the transfusions are thretment for his illness. So itís good there fighting it, even when terminal. The pain meds he probably needs. Think thatís pretty common. The healthy red or white idk whatís what but if thatís good, then thatís good. Doesnít mean heís outa the woods at all. Sometimes you can show signs of improvement in the short run. Sometimes itís for the long term also. You said he was terminal, thatís usually what that means. But like others have mentioned, if the prognosis. Or diagnosis changes, and based on what youíve said.....have you gone to the doctor with him?
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