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Old December 30th, 2011, 06:51 AM   #1
kidkizzet
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Join Date: March 6, 2010
Gender: Female
Default Just needed to get this out

I don't seem to get hungry. Sometimes I think I get hungry but just pretend I'm not or mistake it for something else. I don't even know, but I don't think it even matters much, not really. These last few months I've been doing really well. I've been eating 3 meals a day and also eating snacks when I'm offered them. I'm never hungry at all and I feel full a lot. I've been eating really well, my relationship with food is a lot better, I'm learning to think about all the good things food does and other stuff. I still exercise a lot, but that's okay because I only exercise when I feel like exercising and it's not down to wanting to burn off calories or anything.

The last week has been scary. It's Christmas, and I've barely eaten at all in the last week. I became aware of this almost immediately when I couldn't eat a single mouthful of food on Christmas eve. I assumed it was just one of those days where I felt full for some random reason. Ever since then I've felt sick whenever I've eaten anything and I've struggled to eat at all. I've been consciously trying to eat but I seem unable to. I don't know whether it's me falling down, back into that horrible place, or something else. I'm just scared that I could be struggling with food again. I don't want a bad relationship with food, but I'm scared that's where I'm headed. Luckily, no one seemed to notice I wasn't eating. I'm consciously trying to eat but it's hard and I don't understand why. What triggered this inability to consume food? I don't want to go back to counting calories, I don't want to go back to making sure I burn all the calories off.

I guess it's good that I'm aware that my current eating habits aren't good. I'm going to try to eat more even if I feel unable to eat because I know I need to eat and that I cant risk going back to where I was. Only two people knew about my bad relationship with food, but I could see they were really hurt by it all and I don't want to hurt them again.

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