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Old February 17th, 2019, 12:41 PM   #1
bigwolf2
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Join Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Brazil
Gender: Male
Default Feeling like I'm invisible

These days I was at PE class and some colleagues were talking to each other. My only "friend" had missed school. I was just standing there while they talked about things I've never experienced - people never invited me to the movies or to parties. I was looking to the ground and tried to say something, but they didn't hear - they couldn't, I'm invisible after all. That's how I feel. I have just one friend. I never go out. I just stay at home.

I still have anxiety, depression, speech problems and can't look at the mirror or seeing photos of myself without starting to cry. I'm almost seventeen and I've got no friends, no social skills and I can't speak my native language without a thick accent. Next year I'll be going to college and this year I will have to sit for the national entrance exams.

I'm feeling very anxious. I feel dumb. What if I don't get an acceptable grade? What if I don't get accepted into a public university? What if I do? I will just stay the same: friendless, lonely, invisible, ugly and unable to speak properly, the only difference being that I'll be the same old invisible me at college.

I've been thinking of alternatives. I've always loved Russian literature. Since I'll be always unhappy, why not try something new at least? Studying something in Russia, like translation, seem like a good alternative venue right? I might be able to translate "Petersburg" by Andrei Bely to Portuguese. Sounds great. The only thing being that, besides not having courage to move (or at least thinking I don't), I'll be still the same old invisible me but living in foreign lands.

I hate myself. I'm lonely. No one I know has ever loved me, the last time I was close to someone was at elementary school. Fate has been hard on me, but I'm also to blame. I think about suicide and how, if I believed in reincarnation, that could mean a new beginning. I truly consider doing it - but no, I'm quite the coward.
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Old February 17th, 2019, 12:57 PM   #2
Natacha
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Name: Natacha
Join Date: November 10, 2018
Location: North of Copenhagen Denmark
Gender: Female
Default Re: Feeling like I'm invisible

If this is what you think of your self, people around you feel your melancoly from far away and they know it's very hard to talk to you then. I see you looking like you want to find a quiet spot in the corner and hide away. That's not the way forward.
I know this probably wasn't any help and maybe it's made you feel worse, but it's all I got.
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Old February 17th, 2019, 01:44 PM   #3
ska8er
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Name: Andy
Join Date: August 23, 2013
Location: Pennsylvania USA
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Default Re: Feeling like I'm invisible

U know if u r not going to try and make new
friends U r always going to b alone. Try
and introduce urself to someone who is
also alone(invisible) and befriend. They
probably r also feeling the same way u
r. If u r going to show others that u r
always depressed and show anxiety
then they will feel that they will not
try and befriend u. I know it is rough
when u r depressed or anxious. If u
cant get a hold of urself then u should
c a doctor to help u with something
that can calm u. Yeah it would be a
good idea to take a course in college
that u have a interest in to meet others
that share ur interests. U have a thick
accent-so what-we all have accents and
don't let that stop u thinking less of urself.

Last edited by ska8er; February 17th, 2019 at 07:44 PM.
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Old February 18th, 2019, 08:35 PM   #4
Red Light Bandit
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Name: Lucas
Join Date: July 8, 2018
Location: So Paulo, Brazil
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Default Re: Feeling like I'm invisible

I'm not good with advices, so unfortunately I will not be able to help you with this. I just want you to know that you are not alone and there are many other people who are going through what you are going through.

I went through exactly that for two years ago, I was in a new school and I just had a only friend too. I felt isolated and ashamed of the situation that was happening, it was that year that I began to have problems of depression and anxiety.

This is just to show that you're not alone, just stay strong so I'm sure you can overcome these issues.
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Old February 19th, 2019, 06:14 PM   #5
Zika
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Join Date: November 17, 2018
Location: the sweet spot
Gender: Cisgender Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Feeling like I'm invisible

You sound like you're in a lot of pain.
I don't think there are any quick answers, but I do know you are not alone in how you feel. The problem is, the people who feel as you do don't know each other because of the issues.

Do you have access to see a therapist?

In the mean time, please us VT as a support.

And if you are feeling unsafe, please, please call a suicide hotline or the emergency number in your country.

Good luck and pls let us know how things are going...better, worse or the same.
we care.
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