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Old April 2nd, 2017, 11:03 PM   #1
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ItsJustSomeone's Forum Picture
Name: Winona Sylvie
Join Date: November 3, 2016
Location: I live in Willy Wonka's factory. Perhaps I'll move into Neverland sometime.
Gender: Female
Question Anxiety?

So, to make it clear: I've never been diagnosed with any sort of anxiety disorder. I've always been known to be a constant worrier, even at a young age. I had my first panic attacks around the end of 5th grade, but my parents disregarded it and pretty much told me to get over it, because I was going crazy. Since then, my anxiety has gone down drastically, but it's more like a wavelength, I'd say. I can go months without a full blown panic attack; the last one I had was last October. I'll have little episodes of anxiety in between, but they're not massive. I've always been a massive overthinker, and have little routines (ex. washing hands a whole bunch, pacing around) that make me feel a whole lot safer. I've had these weird episodes where I can stay depressed and numb for a week, then pull myself out of it.

These little waves and episodes are often triggered by social situations, surprisingly. Last year, I had a 3 day long panic attack over a fight with a friend- I couldn't even go to school because it was too strong. Then, good half a year later I had another episode like that because I had met this really nice guy, and I couldn't talk to him without feeling like I was going to die of:

A. Embarrassment
B. Puking or
C. Extreme anxiety.

Nowadays, I just feel generally lonely and depressed because I have no friends, I detest my school, the weather makes me depressed and I just don't know what to do. I wish I could talk to people, but I always, always feel they'll reject me, that I'm not their type, or I'm too eager or just a freak. It keeps me from making meaningful connections. Love interests are a distant thought, mainly because of the anxiety of having to express myself to anyone in a more than just platonic way at all. My grades haunt me constantly. The future haunts me. And I just feel ashamed, because I have so many wonderful things in my life, but I feel as if I'm so distant that I can't even see them. I just feel awful, because I don't want to seem like I'm complaining all the time but I really feel like shit sometimes.

These feelings have been lasting for ages now, and I want it to be over. I honestly don't know if this is a teenager thing, an actual issue, or both entwined into one hellish kind of surprise bag of some sort. My parents have become much more open about my mental health now, and I could certainly get some help if I need it. But I don't want to seem like a drama queen, because again, my anxiety and depression isn't constant (episodes, waves) and I'm afraid this is just a part of growing up that I'm exaggerating.

Could I actually have some sort of anxiety disorder, like social or general or something? I know I can't just diagnose myself, but would these experiences sound like anything that matches up with depression, anxiety, ect.? And, what should I do at this point; should I consider a psychologist?
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