Jokes and Riddles

Mix Up at the Hospit


This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.

All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.

Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.

"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"

"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all."

lol

how do u get 4 gay guys to go 2 a bar?

flip the barstool around

lol dante, but howd u post a sticky??? O_O

i didnt post a sticky, im wondering my self

Transplant


A man comes to the doctor and says, "m-m-m-my d-d-dick is so pressurized that I st-st-stutter."

The doctor tells him he will give him a dick transplant. He loses his 3-foot-long dick for a 4-inch-long dick.

He comes back in a week and says, "Now my wife wont have sex with me. May I have the old one back?"

The doctor replies... "A d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

LOL!!!

a guy was going on a buisness trip, so he bought his wife a dildo so she wont have any sex with any1 else. it was an acient egyption dildo and listened 2 commands. he told her to say whatever she wanted it in, just say it. he left and she said "pussy" so the dildo went to her pussy, but her husband never told her how 2 get it out. so she drove 2 the hospital and got pulled over. she said "let me go please! i have a dildo in my pussy," the cop said "my ass!!"

i get it, funny

MUSTARD

Monica went to the dry cleaners and said," Excuse me, I wold like to get my dress cleaned."
And the little old man was barely able to hear her and said,"What did you say?"
She replied,"I would like to get my dress cleaned sir."
And the old man still could not hear her and said,"Come again?"
She replied."
No, Mustard."


WHAT TIME IS IT

BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"

MAN: "It's 3:15."

BLONDE: (puzzled look) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

LOL!!!!!

this teenager wants 2 have sex, but he shares a bunkbed with his little brother. so he tells his girlfriend that if she wants it softer say musterd, if she wants it harder, say ketchup. so shes like " ketchup! musterd! ketchup! musterd!" and the little brother says" can u stop making sandwiches up there? ur getting mayonase all over me!"

a couple are having dinner when a rober comes in and tise therm both up. he goes and wispers in the womens ear and then goes to the bathroom

the husband told his wife that the guy probly hasnt had sex in years and to be strong

wife"he told me he weas gay. be strong honey"


i read this on a pb website so its not exactly right

Originally Posted by timpot

LOL!!!!!

this teenager wants 2 have sex, but he shares a bunkbed with his little brother. so he tells his girlfriend that if she wants it softer say musterd, if she wants it harder, say ketchup. so shes like " ketchup! musterd! ketchup! musterd!" and the little brother says" can u stop making sandwiches up there? ur getting mayonase all over me!"

LOL!!!!!

Good one soadnation

hhahahaha

THATS HARD!


A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question, but as he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both startled and he says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221.'



Helping Your Co-Work


Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog.

When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

Give Up Drugs


Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever," he said.

"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" the judge asked.

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: -- O o -- and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?" he asked the second guy.

"Well, your honor, I persuaded one hundred fifty six people to give up drugs forever," he said.

"That many people! How amazing! How did you manage to do that!" the judge asked.

"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'this is your anus before prison,'" he said.

hahaha. we need a better laughing smiley

yea we do

Originally Posted by dante2587

Give Up Drugs


Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever," he said.

"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" the judge asked.

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: -- O o -- and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?" he asked the second guy.

"Well, your honor, I persuaded one hundred fifty six people to give up drugs forever," he said.

"That many people! How amazing! How did you manage to do that!" the judge asked.

"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'this is your anus before prison,'" he said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ROLF! LMAO!!!

Originally Posted by dante2587

THATS HARD!


A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question, but as he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both startled and he says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221.'



Helping Your Co-Work


Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog.

When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!