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Old August 1st, 2019, 09:20 AM   #1
Katie2003
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Thumbs up The first day of the rest of my life

Many of you are aware that I have had serious emotional issues over the past several years, which have resulted in my being on meds to make me functional and keep me from doing dangerous stuff, and that I have been seeing a therapist for several years. I did so much inappropriate stuff that I was the #1 student in my high school for disciplinary contact, and was always being sent to the office for behavior and attitude issues.

I am mentally ill, and I am very well aware of that. It's not the end of the world, though. Realizing and admitting that is the first step toward healing.

This morning I was released from a psychiatric hospital where I had voluntarily gone with the approval of my doctors and parents, for the past 10 days.

During that time I had intensive therapy sessions, and was given 3 ECT treatments in the hopes of erasing or minimizing the horrible memories of many of the things I did when I was out of control. It seems to have worked, combined with the meds and the 2 previous ECT treatments I had last time I was in the psych hospital a few months ago, I am now funcitionally better.

My goal is to be the best Katelynn that I can possibly be. I am never going back to the inappropriate behavior that I was involved with before. I am no longer gonna be the worst student in my entire high school for disciplinary issues. I know that it will not be easy but with the support and encouragement of my family, therapists, and teachers I will put every effort into making progress.

I just want to say, that it IS possible to change with the right support system, and while I am very ashamed of a lot of what I did in the past few years and wish I could take them back, I am not ashamed to admit that I did those things and hope others can learn from my mistakes.

Today is, indeed, the first day of the rest of my life. It's a beautiful day and I am going to behave myself and think positive thoughts. I have several friends that I need to update on the new Katelynn as well.

I can do this!!!!!!
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Old August 1st, 2019, 08:08 PM   #2
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Default Re: The first day of the rest of my life

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Originally Posted by Katie2003 View Post
Many of you are aware that I have had serious emotional issues over the past several years, which have resulted in my being on meds to make me functional and keep me from doing dangerous stuff, and that I have been seeing a therapist for several years. I did so much inappropriate stuff that I was the #1 student in my high school for disciplinary contact, and was always being sent to the office for behavior and attitude issues.

I am mentally ill, and I am very well aware of that. It's not the end of the world, though. Realizing and admitting that is the first step toward healing.

This morning I was released from a psychiatric hospital where I had voluntarily gone with the approval of my doctors and parents, for the past 10 days.

During that time I had intensive therapy sessions, and was given 3 ECT treatments in the hopes of erasing or minimizing the horrible memories of many of the things I did when I was out of control. It seems to have worked, combined with the meds and the 2 previous ECT treatments I had last time I was in the psych hospital a few months ago, I am now funcitionally better.

My goal is to be the best Katelynn that I can possibly be. I am never going back to the inappropriate behavior that I was involved with before. I am no longer gonna be the worst student in my entire high school for disciplinary issues. I know that it will not be easy but with the support and encouragement of my family, therapists, and teachers I will put every effort into making progress.

I just want to say, that it IS possible to change with the right support system, and while I am very ashamed of a lot of what I did in the past few years and wish I could take them back, I am not ashamed to admit that I did those things and hope others can learn from my mistakes.

Today is, indeed, the first day of the rest of my life. It's a beautiful day and I am going to behave myself and think positive thoughts. I have several friends that I need to update on the new Katelynn as well.

I can do this!!!!!!
The Best of Luck to You.
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Old August 2nd, 2019, 01:45 AM   #3
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Default Re: The first day of the rest of my life

This is great to hear. Hope everything works out, and best of luck!

From the South. I'm a dude.

The end.

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/sh....php?t=2051691 - my AMA
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Old August 10th, 2019, 02:00 AM   #4
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Jesus Christ, you are only 16... What the hell is wrong with you, kid?
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Old August 10th, 2019, 08:16 AM   #5
Katie2003
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Jesus Christ, you are only 16... What the hell is wrong with you, kid?
Because I want this specific discussion to be a positive one, I choose not to go into any great detail here but I have told quite a bit about my situation over the past several months in other topics that I posted in.

It basically involves extreme suppressed guilt feelings that I ended up transferring onto other situations so I would be assured of being punished. This all came to be because at age 11 I asked my big sis Megan (who I now call Brat) who was 15 at the time to teach me about sex. She did, and we almost immediately became sexually active together, it was always me initiating and I thought I was OK with it because I enjoyed it. We had grown up sharing a room and sleeping in the same bed, so the opportunity was natural and she never once told me it was wrong or that I shouldn't be approaching her nearly every day for sex. This continued until she moved away last August for college, and several months later my therapist finally got to the bottom of it and figured out that she was responsible for my mental illness and emotional issues by NOT doing anything to stop me. Shortly after that when she was home during a break earlier this year, we got into a huge fight. Actually it was me who is basically twice her size attacking her and I prolly could have killed her if my mom and other older sis hadn't jumped in and stopped me. I was that furious with Brat!!!!!!

Bottom line of the whole situation: I was too immature emotionally to understand the meaning of consensual, ended up with severe emotional issues no one could explain, and the guilt/punishment kind of OCD which was totally horrible. I was basically acting out in order to assure myself that I would be punished severely, but it was subconsciously intended to deal with the guilt over other things that I couldn't recognize or explain. For a long time I was taking up to 14 different meds to make me functional, but are now down to just 5. We are now working through all of it and the ECT treatments have erased much of the worst memories of what I had done.

I'll prolly be on meds for the rest of my life, but I am able to function much better now and am very positive about being able to do this with the help of my therapist, family, friends, and teachers. I am able to behave much better than I have at any time recently and now that I know why I felt guilty, I am able to more effectively deal with those feelings and not get into OCD episodes over them.

Last edited by Katie2003; August 10th, 2019 at 08:25 AM.
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Old August 11th, 2019, 12:57 AM   #6
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Default Re: The first day of the rest of my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie2003 View Post
Because I want this specific discussion to be a positive one, I choose not to go into any great detail here but I have told quite a bit about my situation over the past several months in other topics that I posted in.

It basically involves extreme suppressed guilt feelings that I ended up transferring onto other situations so I would be assured of being punished. This all came to be because at age 11 I asked my big sis Megan (who I now call Brat) who was 15 at the time to teach me about sex. She did, and we almost immediately became sexually active together, it was always me initiating and I thought I was OK with it because I enjoyed it. We had grown up sharing a room and sleeping in the same bed, so the opportunity was natural and she never once told me it was wrong or that I shouldn't be approaching her nearly every day for sex. This continued until she moved away last August for college, and several months later my therapist finally got to the bottom of it and figured out that she was responsible for my mental illness and emotional issues by NOT doing anything to stop me. Shortly after that when she was home during a break earlier this year, we got into a huge fight. Actually it was me who is basically twice her size attacking her and I prolly could have killed her if my mom and other older sis hadn't jumped in and stopped me. I was that furious with Brat!!!!!!

Bottom line of the whole situation: I was too immature emotionally to understand the meaning of consensual, ended up with severe emotional issues no one could explain, and the guilt/punishment kind of OCD which was totally horrible. I was basically acting out in order to assure myself that I would be punished severely, but it was subconsciously intended to deal with the guilt over other things that I couldn't recognize or explain. For a long time I was taking up to 14 different meds to make me functional, but are now down to just 5. We are now working through all of it and the ECT treatments have erased much of the worst memories of what I had done.

I'll prolly be on meds for the rest of my life, but I am able to function much better now and am very positive about being able to do this with the help of my therapist, family, friends, and teachers. I am able to behave much better than I have at any time recently and now that I know why I felt guilty, I am able to more effectively deal with those feelings and not get into OCD episodes over them.
Best of luck to you, just as you make progress, if progress is slow, don’t get disheartened.

Progress can be slow, and being at the top of the class IS hard.

I normally was a 4.0 student, but I slipped up to a 3.0 at times. So I wanted to remind you of that, that progress is relative to you. And discipline to stay on the good path is most important.
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Old August 11th, 2019, 03:49 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Katie2003 View Post
Because I want this specific discussion to be a positive one, I choose not to go into any great detail here but I have told quite a bit about my situation over the past several months in other topics that I posted in.

It basically involves extreme suppressed guilt feelings that I ended up transferring onto other situations so I would be assured of being punished. This all came to be because at age 11 I asked my big sis Megan (who I now call Brat) who was 15 at the time to teach me about sex. She did, and we almost immediately became sexually active together, it was always me initiating and I thought I was OK with it because I enjoyed it. We had grown up sharing a room and sleeping in the same bed, so the opportunity was natural and she never once told me it was wrong or that I shouldn't be approaching her nearly every day for sex. This continued until she moved away last August for college, and several months later my therapist finally got to the bottom of it and figured out that she was responsible for my mental illness and emotional issues by NOT doing anything to stop me. Shortly after that when she was home during a break earlier this year, we got into a huge fight. Actually it was me who is basically twice her size attacking her and I prolly could have killed her if my mom and other older sis hadn't jumped in and stopped me. I was that furious with Brat!!!!!!

Bottom line of the whole situation: I was too immature emotionally to understand the meaning of consensual, ended up with severe emotional issues no one could explain, and the guilt/punishment kind of OCD which was totally horrible. I was basically acting out in order to assure myself that I would be punished severely, but it was subconsciously intended to deal with the guilt over other things that I couldn't recognize or explain. For a long time I was taking up to 14 different meds to make me functional, but are now down to just 5. We are now working through all of it and the ECT treatments have erased much of the worst memories of what I had done.

I'll prolly be on meds for the rest of my life, but I am able to function much better now and am very positive about being able to do this with the help of my therapist, family, friends, and teachers. I am able to behave much better than I have at any time recently and now that I know why I felt guilty, I am able to more effectively deal with those feelings and not get into OCD episodes over them.
Jesus, what the hell? No wonder why your life is fucked up and you feel miserable... Basically, your older sister used you for her own sexual pleasures and it is a serious crime. That's why kids need to learn about sex early from professionals or parents rather than find it all through porn, movies and mass media and in that order having something fucked up in the basics... But I will tell you that if you are going to sit on the meds for the rest of your life - it won't play well for you. You have an illusion that everything is okay because of meds. Well, technically, it is, because meds are working but every medication has a temporal effect to which body can adapt and therefore, it will require higher and more agressive dosages. Not to mention the distress that can be caused in your organ systems due to the chemical overdose of the medications - it means liver, kidney, heart and gut problems in the long term.. Plus, while OCD medications and other psychodelics can relieve stress, anxiety, make you feel better, they also slowly turn you into a vegetable who can develop schizophrenia, delusions etc... If you are willing to take the risk of getting the following factors, boy, you don't really want to help yourself - you are more punishing yourself for the mistakes you have made... I wish you the best luch, of course, but seriously, you ought to reconsider consuming all those psychoactive and psycho-blocking medications...
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Old August 12th, 2019, 09:17 AM   #8
Katie2003
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Default Re: The first day of the rest of my life

At this point in my therapy it's a waste of time to further discuss would have should have and could have. Several people fucked up big time, and we all know it. I have to take some of the blame myself, but most of it belongs to my sister Brat and to my mom.

We are on a plan to regularly evaluate and change the meds with the eventual hope of eliminating everything except one common SSRI, and my vitamins. For whatever reason that they have never been able to explain, for my entire life I have been seriously deficient in many vitamins and hormones that are normal for everyone else. Even with a good diet and spending time outdoors, my vitamin levels for some of them are extremely low and only go up for a short time after being given supplements. So I'm getting shots every day. My system doesn't even react to oral vitamins even in massive dosages. We don't know why, only that it's how my body works.

Over the upcoming Labor Day weekend I have permission (and encouragement) to try it for 3 days with no meds other than the vitamins to see how I feel and how I behave. If that works out well and there's no reason currently to think it won't, then on the following day the dosages of the meds for the emotional issues will be dramatically reduced, with the intent of eventually eliminating one at a time.

And every morning when I wake up, I see the poster I made at the psychiatric hospital hanging on my wall: Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And it is, every day.

I can do this, I'm certain I will.

Last edited by Katie2003; August 12th, 2019 at 09:21 AM.
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Old August 12th, 2019, 10:08 PM   #9
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Default Re: The first day of the rest of my life

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Jesus, what the hell? No wonder why your life is fucked up and you feel miserable... Basically, your older sister used you for her own sexual pleasures and it is a serious crime. That's why kids need to learn about sex early from professionals or parents rather than find it all through porn, movies and mass media and in that order having something fucked up in the basics... But I will tell you that if you are going to sit on the meds for the rest of your life - it won't play well for you. You have an illusion that everything is okay because of meds. Well, technically, it is, because meds are working but every medication has a temporal effect to which body can adapt and therefore, it will require higher and more agressive dosages. Not to mention the distress that can be caused in your organ systems due to the chemical overdose of the medications - it means liver, kidney, heart and gut problems in the long term.. Plus, while OCD medications and other psychodelics can relieve stress, anxiety, make you feel better, they also slowly turn you into a vegetable who can develop schizophrenia, delusions etc... If you are willing to take the risk of getting the following factors, boy, you don't really want to help yourself - you are more punishing yourself for the mistakes you have made... I wish you the best luch, of course, but seriously, you ought to reconsider consuming all those psychoactive and psycho-blocking medications...
None of that is even remotely true lmao
Also, psychedelics are not medication. They're recreational drugs. (I've heard of microdosing LSD for various reasons, but to my knowledge that's not a widespread thing, and it needs more research.)

Psychiatric medications cannot cause schizophrenia. The only drugs that can cause schizophrenia are illicit, non-medicinal, recreational drugs.Here's another source.

The only way you'd get any ill effects from prescribed medication that would lead to schizophrenia is if you abused them recreationally. (And even then, the only thing I can think of that would induce drug induced psychosis is maybe adderall because it's an amphetamine)

While medication is not needed in every case of a psychiatric disorder, and isn't always needed for extensive periods of time, some people can genuinely benefit from medication as part of their treatment regimen. Some people might need it for life to live a productive life/have quality of life. I'll probably always be on medication due to the way my mental illness affects my life.

Please stop spreading misinformation.


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Old August 13th, 2019, 04:49 AM   #10
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None of that is even remotely true lmao
Also, psychedelics are not medication. They're recreational drugs. (I've heard of microdosing LSD for various reasons, but to my knowledge that's not a widespread thing, and it needs more research.)

Psychiatric medications cannot cause schizophrenia. The only drugs that can cause schizophrenia are illicit, non-medicinal, recreational drugs.Here's another source.

The only way you'd get any ill effects from prescribed medication that would lead to schizophrenia is if you abused them recreationally. (And even then, the only thing I can think of that would induce drug induced psychosis is maybe adderall because it's an amphetamine)

While medication is not needed in every case of a psychiatric disorder, and isn't always needed for extensive periods of time, some people can genuinely benefit from medication as part of their treatment regimen. Some people might need it for life to live a productive life/have quality of life. I'll probably always be on medication due to the way my mental illness affects my life.

Please stop spreading misinformation.
Misinformation, aye?
1) Psychedelics ARE medication - researches have shown that psychedelics can help curing depression, anxiety and help relieving some mental illnesses. Australian researchers are planning to start prescribing small dosages of shrooms for patients with severe depression and serious mental illness. Psychedelics were used as a treatment for many psychological problems in early 1950s but then the psychedelics "escaped" the rooms of hospitals to teens who used psychedelics for getting high... After that, almost every country stated a ban on psychedelic usage inside hospitals as part of the treatment as psychedelics were simply demonisised by the society... Today, however, many researchers and clinics are reconsidering the positive effects of psychedelic theraphy in their patients...
2) Yes, one or two psychiatric drugs will not give you a schizophrenia but if you are using 5 or 14(!) additional psychiatric drugs regularly, it may cause a drug induced psychosis which may(!) develop in a schizophrenic symptoms. That's because of chemical imbalance caused in brain due to the drug overdose in the long-term. There has been and still is a debate among academic lines that psychiatric drugs actually cause more harm than do good to patients, that's why in Europe doctors are trying to prescribe as minimaly as they can any psychiatric drugs to people while in the US they will shove down your throat dozens of different pills even if you are only showing some symptoms.
3) And of course you will stay on the medications you are curently at because the studies have shown that people withdrawn from the long-term usage of psychiatric drugs have developed even more severe symptoms and have gone in more severe remissions...
4) As I said before, it might seem that people who are on the pills daily are having a relatively normal life when it's not actually true... The reason for that is that most of the psychiatric drugs, while dealing with the illness and it's symptoms, can cause unusual behaviour, mood swings, seizures etc. Not to mention a disbalance caused in the rest of the organism - liver and kidney damage, probable heart problems etc.
I don't say that we should ban all these drugs, no, for someone they are really helpful BUT if your condition doesn't requires that medicine, don't buy it and don't use it. You must always acknowledge the risks that maybe caused by psychiatric drugs in a long-term usage...
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Old August 17th, 2019, 09:18 PM   #11
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Default Re: The first day of the rest of my life

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Misinformation, aye?
1) Psychedelics ARE medication - researches have shown that psychedelics can help curing depression, anxiety and help relieving some mental illnesses. Australian researchers are planning to start prescribing small dosages of shrooms for patients with severe depression and serious mental illness. Psychedelics were used as a treatment for many psychological problems in early 1950s but then the psychedelics "escaped" the rooms of hospitals to teens who used psychedelics for getting high... After that, almost every country stated a ban on psychedelic usage inside hospitals as part of the treatment as psychedelics were simply demonisised by the society... Today, however, many researchers and clinics are reconsidering the positive effects of psychedelic theraphy in their patients...
2) Yes, one or two psychiatric drugs will not give you a schizophrenia but if you are using 5 or 14(!) additional psychiatric drugs regularly, it may cause a drug induced psychosis which may(!) develop in a schizophrenic symptoms. That's because of chemical imbalance caused in brain due to the drug overdose in the long-term. There has been and still is a debate among academic lines that psychiatric drugs actually cause more harm than do good to patients, that's why in Europe doctors are trying to prescribe as minimaly as they can any psychiatric drugs to people while in the US they will shove down your throat dozens of different pills even if you are only showing some symptoms.
3) And of course you will stay on the medications you are curently at because the studies have shown that people withdrawn from the long-term usage of psychiatric drugs have developed even more severe symptoms and have gone in more severe remissions...
4) As I said before, it might seem that people who are on the pills daily are having a relatively normal life when it's not actually true... The reason for that is that most of the psychiatric drugs, while dealing with the illness and it's symptoms, can cause unusual behaviour, mood swings, seizures etc. Not to mention a disbalance caused in the rest of the organism - liver and kidney damage, probable heart problems etc.
I don't say that we should ban all these drugs, no, for someone they are really helpful BUT if your condition doesn't requires that medicine, don't buy it and don't use it. You must always acknowledge the risks that maybe caused by psychiatric drugs in a long-term usage...
But it does sound really sketchy to give psychedelic meds to a minor, a teen who hasn’t finished developing physically, mentally and all of that
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Old August 18th, 2019, 12:08 AM   #12
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But it does sound really sketchy to give psychedelic meds to a minor, a teen who hasn’t finished developing physically, mentally and all of that
Well, psychedelics sure are better than endless pills which slowly are turning you into a vegetable...
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Old August 18th, 2019, 05:54 PM   #13
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Default Re: The first day of the rest of my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoLimitGuy View Post
Misinformation, aye?
1) Psychedelics ARE medication - researches have shown that psychedelics can help curing depression, anxiety and help relieving some mental illnesses. Australian researchers are planning to start prescribing small dosages of shrooms for patients with severe depression and serious mental illness. Psychedelics were used as a treatment for many psychological problems in early 1950s but then the psychedelics "escaped" the rooms of hospitals to teens who used psychedelics for getting high... After that, almost every country stated a ban on psychedelic usage inside hospitals as part of the treatment as psychedelics were simply demonisised by the society... Today, however, many researchers and clinics are reconsidering the positive effects of psychedelic theraphy in their patients...
2) Yes, one or two psychiatric drugs will not give you a schizophrenia but if you are using 5 or 14(!) additional psychiatric drugs regularly, it may cause a drug induced psychosis which may(!) develop in a schizophrenic symptoms. That's because of chemical imbalance caused in brain due to the drug overdose in the long-term. There has been and still is a debate among academic lines that psychiatric drugs actually cause more harm than do good to patients, that's why in Europe doctors are trying to prescribe as minimaly as they can any psychiatric drugs to people while in the US they will shove down your throat dozens of different pills even if you are only showing some symptoms.
3) And of course you will stay on the medications you are curently at because the studies have shown that people withdrawn from the long-term usage of psychiatric drugs have developed even more severe symptoms and have gone in more severe remissions...
4) As I said before, it might seem that people who are on the pills daily are having a relatively normal life when it's not actually true... The reason for that is that most of the psychiatric drugs, while dealing with the illness and it's symptoms, can cause unusual behaviour, mood swings, seizures etc. Not to mention a disbalance caused in the rest of the organism - liver and kidney damage, probable heart problems etc.
I don't say that we should ban all these drugs, no, for someone they are really helpful BUT if your condition doesn't requires that medicine, don't buy it and don't use it. You must always acknowledge the risks that maybe caused by psychiatric drugs in a long-term usage...
All I'm going to say is, cite your sources. It's not terribly hard to do, and will make your argument more credible.


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Old September 5th, 2019, 09:19 AM   #14
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Default Re: The first day of the rest of my life

Well, here's my latest status, and I can honestly say I have never felt better about myself at any time in my life than I do today!!!!!!

I'm doing really well with my emotional issues. I know I'm not healed but everyone says that the change in my behavior and the improvement in my overall attitude is quite dramatic. My family, teachers, friends, and medical team are totally pleased with the progress.

Last Friday I was given 50% of my usual dosages on most of my meds, then over the weekend I was allowed to be totally off everything except my vitamins (due to deficiency I can never get off them, but that's OK they don't affect my mood or behavior) and the hormone blocker that's turning my sexuality off until I work through all my issues. I did just fine without any of the psychiatric meds, and I'm thrilled!!!!!!!

So starting on Tuesday, I'm officially down to just 5 meds, only two of them are related to my emotional issues, and I am being weaned off the one that causes all my weight gain!!!!!! Hopefully over the next few months I can totally get off of that one and only need to take one mood enhancer SSRI that a lot of women and girls are on.

In the first month of school, I've yet to be disciplined for anything.........an amazing turnaround for me. I've only had one OCD episode and because I was able to work out a new plan for handling those if any do happen, I was able to seek resolution and end the episode in a matter of a few hours as compared to one or two full days in the past. The entire dynamic of my interaction with family, friends, teachers is changing and I feel really good about myself. I'm even OK with being fat......... I currently refer to my size as "baby elephant" and my therapist says if I can joke about it like that then I'm gonna have no issues. I know that I'm genetically destined to be a bigger girl than many, and I'm fine with whatever weight I end up at as the excess starts to come off over the coming months. I know for sure that I never want to be thin, that's just not me.

Once I was able to sort things out with the help of my therapists, the meds they had me on, and the ECT treatments, things changed dramatically, I understood the real root causes of all my emotional issues, and I have been able to successfully change my outlook on things to the point that the doctors are now comfortable letting me go forward on fewer meds, and ones that won't create any side effects.

TBH I could not be any happier!!!!!! I am definitely a different, better Katelynn than I have ever been at any time in recent years, and I understand what I need to do and I am determined that I am going to do it!!!!!! I know no one is perfect and I was told never to try to be, as it's merely an exercise in futility. What all of us need to do is to try to be our best. And I can do that, I am proving that I am capable of doing that, and I intend to continue along this path.
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