Virtual Teen Forums
 

Go Back   Virtual Teen Forums > >
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read Chat Room

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old July 1st, 2006, 11:09 PM   #1
BP_Saladin
Junior Member
 
BP_Saladin's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: July 1, 2006
Location: Outside the bounds of sanity
Age: 31
Default Scared of sex?

Alright, I couldn't find a better place to post this, so feel free to move it, mods.

I have no shame, so here it is: is it normal for guys to be scared of sex? Like, to the point of refusing it multiple times? I'm just worried that maybe this is a problem I should be seeking greater help with or if it's just a phase we all go through.

I'm not quite sure what it is about sex that scares me, but I have some ideas. Apparently when I was in kindergarten I was raped in a public restroom. I don't remember a bit of it, but there are a lot of things about me I could see tying back to that. Also, I think that I might be scared of how experiencing sex might change my world, you know?
BP_Saladin is offline  
Old July 1st, 2006, 11:15 PM   #2
check it
Member+
 
check it's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: May 14, 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Default Re: Scared of sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BP_Saladin
be seeking greater help with or if it's just a phase we all go through.

I'm not quite sure what it is about sex that scares me, but I have some ideas. Apparently when I was in kindergarten I was raped in a public restroom. I don't remember a bit of it, but there are a lot of things about me I could see tying back to that. Also, I think that I might be scared of how experiencing sex might change my world, you know?
WOAH! I'm sorry to hear that


but yeah...I'nm scared too...I know what you mean...I've had girls try but I refused too.... I'm not embaressed or anything but I have that smae feeling...and wow I repeated myself lioke 73 times

I really like to chat with people... so let's talk...
check it is offline  
Old July 2nd, 2006, 12:22 AM   #3
Rooster
Member
 
Rooster's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: June 21, 2006
Location: We're all everything...
Age: 25
Default Re: Scared of sex?

Sorry to hear that dude. I know in my case I'm scared by how I'll perform (i.e. Will I be good enough? Am I too unatractrive?). I can't give any advice, but know you ain't alone!
Rooster is offline  
Old July 2nd, 2006, 01:14 AM   #4
BP_Saladin
Junior Member
 
BP_Saladin's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: July 1, 2006
Location: Outside the bounds of sanity
Age: 31
Default Re: Scared of sex?

*phew*

It's a relief to know I'm not the only one. And yeah, I definately have the performance fear too. I suppose a long term g/f might help matters some,but supposing isn't getting me laid

What bothers me is that I feel almost a social expectation as a guy to not only be sexually active, but prolific at it too.

For example, at a party a few months ago, I was psuedo talking to this girl I used to work with (mostly she was pretending to be drunk and having me teach her how to use a bong). Now she is a pretty popular sort, and from what I hear, has been known to get around at parties, but that doesn't bother me really. When she grabbed my hand and started leading me back to the rooms, I almost started to shake I was so scared/nervous. I started dragging my feet and playing dumb (ha-ha! two can play at that game!). I think she caught on then, and started pretending like nothing was happening and left the party. It doesn't help the issue that she's f-ing gorgeous.

Now the thought of having sex with 1. a girl I wasn't dating, and 2. a girl who got around didn't bother me (in fact, I think it might've relieved some of the tension for me), and only for a few seconds I was worried about how I'd perform. I think (not quite sure, was kind of drunk/high at the time) I was scared of the social repricussions of what was going on. If it had happened, people would find out that 1. I was a virgin, and 2. I had sex with her that night, and the though of how that would've changed the social landscape for me was scary. For a while, I was really nervous about what might've happened because we didn't do it, but no-one seemed to mind (know she spilled the beans about what happened to her friends, and that it spread from there). A huge part of my worry too was that I have Muscular Dystrophy, so my body is a bit withered in place (mostly my upper body/arms), and I've always really ashamed of it (don't ask why; it's a waste of energy), so I was worried that she might've changed her mind once she saw

I guess the moral of the story is that I like to rant, and I think too damn much. Oh well. . .
BP_Saladin is offline  
Old July 2nd, 2006, 02:35 AM   #5
Trademarked
Great Poster
 
Trademarked's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: October 9, 2005
Age: 25
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: Scared of sex?

it's good to rant. most people here will read it.
i say, it's just sex. wait till you meet somebody you really care about and then do it. your muscular dystrophy shouldnt be a problem. if the person really loves you will go that far with you, they wont care. dont worry, and dont rush things. you might do something you might regret.

http://virtualteen.org/forums/images/misc/im_aim.gifRileytotallypwns
AIM me! I got nothing better to do
Trademarked is offline  
Old July 2nd, 2006, 01:22 PM   #6
BP_Saladin
Junior Member
 
BP_Saladin's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: July 1, 2006
Location: Outside the bounds of sanity
Age: 31
Default Re: Scared of sex?

Good call.
BP_Saladin is offline  
Old July 3rd, 2006, 12:18 PM   #7
Aηdy
Banned
 
Aηdy's Forum Picture
 
Name: Andy
Join Date: July 19, 2005
Location: England
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Default Re: Scared of sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rooster
(i.e. Will I be good enough? Am I too unatractrive?
i think every one feels the same way too

but if your with someone else who hasnt done it before im sure they will be just and if not more scared than you
Aηdy is offline  
Old July 3rd, 2006, 06:10 PM   #8
Kev*
Awesome Poster
 
Kev*'s Forum Picture
 
Join Date: May 29, 2005
Location: Northern Ireland
Age: 27
Default Re: Scared of sex?

i think im like that aswell, lik i realllllllllli wanna hav sex but if sum1 asked, id probs turnv it down
Kev* is offline  
Old July 3rd, 2006, 11:58 PM   #9
Rooster
Member
 
Rooster's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: June 21, 2006
Location: We're all everything...
Age: 25
Default Re: Scared of sex?

Now, I do got some advice! Don't be too self-concious (I should talk lol) 'bout that muscle-suttin' er other. My best friend has always been really scrawny, pale, wears glasses, and yet he's gotten more action than anyone I've ever met. It's all about confidence. Chicks dig dudes who can approach them and make their point (without being a pig) without stumbling. After that, you're pretty much golden. Confidence really is the key to accomplishing anything.
Rooster is offline  
Old July 4th, 2006, 01:40 AM   #10
xTheLordsServantx
Member+
 
xTheLordsServantx's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: March 26, 2006
Location: Chicago
Default Re: Scared of sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rooster
Now, I do got some advice! Don't be too self-concious (I should talk lol) 'bout that muscle-suttin' er other. My best friend has always been really scrawny, pale, wears glasses, and yet he's gotten more action than anyone I've ever met. It's all about confidence. Chicks dig dudes who can approach them and make their point (without being a pig) without stumbling. After that, you're pretty much golden. Confidence really is the key to accomplishing anything.
Maybe ur friends just really hung and so he gets a lot

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Forever praise Him

Please check out this website if you have any questions: http://www.gotquestions.org/archive.html
xTheLordsServantx is offline  
Old July 4th, 2006, 05:38 AM   #11
Kev*
Awesome Poster
 
Kev*'s Forum Picture
 
Join Date: May 29, 2005
Location: Northern Ireland
Age: 27
Default Re: Scared of sex?

lmao!^^

i think all mi confidance is gon thats y i mite b lik that coz i had loads but now its kinda jus been lost wiv bulling n shit lik that.it suks!i want it back D:
Kev* is offline  
Old July 4th, 2006, 09:04 AM   #12
Glasgow
Banned
 
Join Date: November 19, 2005
Location: Canada
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Default Re: Scared of sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by x-K.E.V-x
lmao!^^

I think all my confidence is gone thats why I might be like that because I had loads but now its kinda just been lost with bullying and shit like that. It sucks!I want it back D:
wow dude, you really need to learn how to type better.. Here i will fix it for you
Glasgow is offline  
Old July 5th, 2006, 06:44 AM   #13
Kev*
Awesome Poster
 
Kev*'s Forum Picture
 
Join Date: May 29, 2005
Location: Northern Ireland
Age: 27
Default Re: Scared of sex?

can u guys actually not read that?

wow!

thats prety easy to read, i could make it even worse
Kev* is offline  
Old July 6th, 2006, 12:19 PM   #14
itsbs2
Member
 
Join Date: November 27, 2004
Location: New Jersey
Default Re: Scared of sex?

I want to start by saqying that you are not at all alone. I have been going out with a girl for 3 months, and about 2 weeks ago, we were about to have sex. Normally my member jumps right up, but when we got to the point were we were going to have sex, we did not have lift off (if you know what i mean). I dont know if i was scared of not being good, or if it was the thought that she could get pregnant,i dont know. But you are not alone
itsbs2 is offline  
Old July 6th, 2006, 02:59 PM   #15
Kev*
Awesome Poster
 
Kev*'s Forum Picture
 
Join Date: May 29, 2005
Location: Northern Ireland
Age: 27
Default Re: Scared of sex?

i wasnt lik that wen i was fooling around wiv mi ex gf. i wouldnt mind if it was a gf hu i loved but if it was a randomer n jus at a random moment id probs not want it
Kev* is offline  
Old July 11th, 2006, 10:31 PM   #16
fdsgfg55465
Member++
 
fdsgfg55465's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: October 18, 2005
Location: florida, usa
Default Re: Scared of sex?

I dunno im not afraid of sex.
fdsgfg55465 is offline  
Old July 13th, 2006, 02:21 PM   #17
Mysterious Gay
New Member
 
Join Date: July 11, 2006
Location: NY
Age: 26
Default Re: Scared of sex?

don't worry, sex scares me alot too. I have been offerred a lot of times too, but I'm still the only gay virgin in which i know. It scares me alot, and I can't really give you any advice, just want to let you know that sex IS indeed scary, especially to us virgins!
Mysterious Gay is offline  
Old July 13th, 2006, 02:34 PM   #18
AC.wAkeBoArDin.06
VT Lover
 
AC.wAkeBoArDin.06's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: May 3, 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Default Re: Scared of sex?

I have refused sex from 3 dif people... not because they arnt hott... they were gorgeous but... they were virgins and they wanted to do it with me... and i told them.... are u sure this is what you want... or are u just caught in the heat of the moment?

Then there was this one time where... i have had sex with this girl before... but.... when the time came around for it again... i just.... didnt feel like it... i questioned it for a while after... like i just turned it down? and it bothered me untill i realized what it was.... That i sort of changed that... i dont like to have sex with a girl without love/meaning behind it.... before, it was like... at a party.... lets go have fun... but now... its different....

The Years Have Been Short, But The Days Go Slowly By.
~The Shins
AC.wAkeBoArDin.06 is offline  
Old July 13th, 2006, 03:42 PM   #19
Elscire
VT Lover
 
Elscire's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: December 15, 2005
Location: Colorado
Age: 27
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: Scared of sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AC.wAkeBoArDin.06
I have refused sex from 3 dif people... not because they arnt hott... they were gorgeous but... they were virgins and they wanted to do it with me... and i told them.... are u sure this is what you want... or are u just caught in the heat of the moment?

Then there was this one time where... i have had sex with this girl before... but.... when the time came around for it again... i just.... didnt feel like it... i questioned it for a while after... like i just turned it down? and it bothered me untill i realized what it was.... That i sort of changed that... i dont like to have sex with a girl without love/meaning behind it.... before, it was like... at a party.... lets go have fun... but now... its different....
lucky...
sex could be a little bit scary on your first time.
Elscire is offline  
Old July 16th, 2006, 02:28 AM   #20
BP_Saladin
Junior Member
 
BP_Saladin's Forum Picture
 
Join Date: July 1, 2006
Location: Outside the bounds of sanity
Age: 31
Default Re: Scared of sex?

(long one)

Hmm. Here I was reading all these posts, taking in the advice, feelin better about myself, and I dropped the ball again last night.

I was at a party (I party a lot ), and some friends of the female persuasion were there too, and a couple of the guys I used to work with. The group a I came with went outside for our team huddle (don't ask) and a blunt, and the guy who's house we were at came out. He was basically like "oooh party foul, not sharin the blunt" and went on like that aimlessly for a couple seconds. Then out of nowhere he said "to make up for it, I think Matt's gonna have to go in there and slay (bone) "girl A" tonight." That was kind of wierd, but anyways I refused - I just wasn't feeling like it. These guys I've been hanging out with are kind of like my new heroes, and for the first time I'm actually completely fitting in (not like a sidekick or something), and I was drunk, so I was just enjoying myself. I didn't feel like ruining my good spirits over, thinking about sex, and the problems I may or may not have, so I just took it that he was joking 'cuz I was the only virgin there and everyone knew it.

So a little bit after the host left, another guy from the party came out and started chatting. He started out like "this is a nice garage out here. I like the pool table. I'd really like to bend one of these girls out here over one of the these and just do 'er." You know, all that "manly" shit. BUt he was kind of directing it all towards me, adn I'm never the talkative one. Then he actually said something to me about hooking up with "girl a" tonight, but I don't even remember what it was - I was drunk, and it was just such a shock that he'd say that to me. Again, I refused, but this time because the "fear" had me again. Boo. The rest of my night thats all I could think about.

Later that night I overheard the host and that second guy talking, saying "well he doesn't wanna do it, yeah I asked him too, etc" about talking to me.

My life and perspective on social/sexual stuff in general is kinda fucked up, so I honestly don't know what to think of this. Do these people genuinely see me as somebody they wanna let into their social circle, (remember, I've just recently started fitting in), so they wanna help me get over my problems, or do you think they were trying to haze me? I guess this is kind of the wrong question to ask, but it'd be kind of awkward to ask without the backstory in this thread.

But yeah, why is it that I want sex; I'm horny all the time, but whenever anything sexual happens around me it just goes right over my head (if that makes any sense)? Does/did anyone else notice this about themselves? If so, how did you get past it?

BUSHIDO IN ALL GIVEN TO YOU BY LIFE

Now you see why my MySpace name is "I think too much. . ."
BP_Saladin is offline  
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:10 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright©2000 - 2018
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2018, VirtualTeen.org