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Old February 28th, 2018, 01:16 AM   #1
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RavenTheGoddess's Forum Picture
Name: Raven
Join Date: December 28, 2016
Location: Just some small southern town
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 4
Angry i dont know whats wrong with me

Lately, I've been extremely angry for what seems like no reason at all, and whenever I'm angry, my mind defaults to violent and homicidal thoughts usually involving myself and someone who has done wrong to me in the past. I've googled this topic and nothing seems to quite cover what exactly I'm feeling. On every post I've seen, people don't want these violent thoughts but the problem with me is that I enjoy these thoughts. Something about them makes me feel this weird combination of happy and angry at the same time, and unlike most people who know they wouldn't act out these thoughts, I'm not so sure about myself anymore. Whenever I have these thoughts, I'll often notice myself smiling.

I've also noticed myself becoming extremely irritable at my own mistakes to which I then give up whatever it was I was doing. Normally I'm quite the pacifist, but lately it feels like I keep switching between two parts of myself but not in the same way people with dissociative identity disorder do. These "episodes usually happen when something irritates me, and shortly after (usually seconds) it just turns into pure anger, and I try my best to conceal it but it sometimes doesn't work, especially when one of my dogs barks when I'm in the middle of something or when someone says something I don't like, something that I normally wouldn't really care about. I've been like this for three months and normally I wouldn't be easily angered as often but it's been getting more and more frequent to the point that it's almost every day that I get unreasonably angry at something I shouldn't.

In case anyone needs to know, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression (I've been taking medication for my depression for over a year now so I know that's not the cause of my anger. I've heard some antidepressants can cause this, no idea if it's true or not.) Unfortunately for me, it'll be yet another month until I can talk to my doctor who isn't even a therapist, he's just a regular family doctor. I'm pretty sure there aren't any therapists close to me that I can just go to that'll be able to cover this issue and another specific issue that's unrelated to this one.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what could be the problem?

The meaning of life is like the number zero... empty, yet holding infinite potential within itself.
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