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Old October 28th, 2015, 09:21 PM   #1
whiskey
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Name: Willow
Join Date: October 28, 2015
Location: new york
Gender: Female
Default flare ups(?)

Hey, I'm willow,
So, okay so i was diagnosed at 10, been through the whole prescription works (Ritalin, adderall, generic, therapy, ect, ect) and its all done basically b.s. and it makes me feel like not me like im trapped. Like adderall, yes, extremely helpful, totally makes me focus and i get everything done, but like i also lose my sense of humor and im irritable and even though i do accomplish all everything like i feel like im cheating or something like i feel like its not really me doing it.
I just dont dig it.
Anyway, this is my first semester at college and decided that i wasnt going to take meds and see what happens and school work wise, im fine. The work takes longer sure, (like it just took me three hours to read 35 pages in a book) but like i can make the time to take the time to get it done.
The problem is that like I cant stop thinking. Ever. Unless im drunk. And its driving me crazy.
Like, I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend whom ive been in love with for like 2 years now and we only get to see each other like twice a month because shes goes to another college. And a couple of weeks ago it was the first time id seen her in a long time and we were hugging and kissing and it was supposed to be a nice moment and then i just started thinking about like what would happen if european explorers had ever traveled to the Americas. Like it ruined the mood and it was so stupid and its all the time. I can just never stop thinking unless ive been drinking and alcoholism isnt socially acceptable so thats not the solution.
And like today i was trying to calm down so i started counting in intervals of 10 but then like. i started thinking at the exact same time? like is that even possible? like was counting and while i was counting i started thinking about something i was going to say to my girlfriend but i was still counting while having this inner dialogue.
its just so frustrating and i cant talk to anyone of my friends here because they just hear adhd and ask if ill sell them adderall and i cant talk to my girlfriend because she just thinks i should start taking meds again.
idk. it feels good just to type this out honestly.
If anyone has any advice or wants to talk im all ears(:
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