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Old September 28th, 2004, 10:20 AM   #1
Dante
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Default Jokes and Riddles

Mix Up at the Hospit


This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.

All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.

Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.

"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"

"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all."

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Old September 28th, 2004, 10:24 AM   #2
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lol

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Old September 28th, 2004, 12:14 PM   #3
Skittle Flavored
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how do u get 4 gay guys to go 2 a bar?

flip the barstool around

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
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Old October 1st, 2004, 03:47 PM   #4
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lol dante, but howd u post a sticky??? O_O

Kiros || Ben

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It is about seeing beyond the imperfections.
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Old October 1st, 2004, 03:51 PM   #5
Dante
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i didnt post a sticky, im wondering my self

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Old October 1st, 2004, 05:33 PM   #6
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Transplant


A man comes to the doctor and says, "m-m-m-my d-d-dick is so pressurized that I st-st-stutter."

The doctor tells him he will give him a dick transplant. He loses his 3-foot-long dick for a 4-inch-long dick.

He comes back in a week and says, "Now my wife wont have sex with me. May I have the old one back?"

The doctor replies... "A d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."

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Old October 1st, 2004, 11:21 PM   #7
AC.wAkeBoArDin.06
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hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

The Years Have Been Short, But The Days Go Slowly By.
~The Shins
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Old October 1st, 2004, 11:23 PM   #8
Skittle Flavored
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LOL!!!

a guy was going on a buisness trip, so he bought his wife a dildo so she wont have any sex with any1 else. it was an acient egyption dildo and listened 2 commands. he told her to say whatever she wanted it in, just say it. he left and she said "pussy" so the dildo went to her pussy, but her husband never told her how 2 get it out. so she drove 2 the hospital and got pulled over. she said "let me go please! i have a dildo in my pussy," the cop said "my ass!!"

"It is not reason that changes people's minds, it is other people, other minds."
"I can stand brute force, but brute intellect..Well, thats like hitting below the logic"

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Old March 1st, 2009, 03:56 PM   #9
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Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skittle Flavored View Post
LOL!!!

a guy was going on a buisness trip, so he bought his wife a dildo so she wont have any sex with any1 else. it was an acient egyption dildo and listened 2 commands. he told her to say whatever she wanted it in, just say it. he left and she said "pussy" so the dildo went to her pussy, but her husband never told her how 2 get it out. so she drove 2 the hospital and got pulled over. she said "let me go please! i have a dildo in my pussy," the cop said "my ass!!"
very creative
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Old March 13th, 2009, 09:32 PM   #10
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Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

There was a doctor and he was having an affair with his nurse. She came to him and told him that she was pregnant. He told her that he would pay for her to go to Paris and have the baby so his wife wouldn't find out.

She said "well, how do I get in touch with you to let you know when the baby's born?" He told her to send a postcard saying 'sauerkraut.'

Nine months later, the doctor's wife calls him at work and says, "we received the strangest postcard in the mail," he asked "what did it say?"

She read, 'sauerkraut, sauerkraut, sauerkraut, 2 with weiners one without.'

---

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."

---

An old couple go to a doctor and ask him to watch them have sex and tell if he see's them doing anything wrong. So they have sex. While they are getting dressed the doctor said, "Well I don't see anything wrong!"

A week later they come again and ask the doctor to watch to see if they are doing anything wrong. They have sex and the doctor says, "Well again I don't see anything wrong."

This goes on for weeks. Then the doctor asks why they keep coming.

The guy said: "If we go to her house her husband will catch us. If we go to my house my wife will catch us. A hotel costs fifty bucks. Here it's thirty-five dollars and medicare pays half!"

---

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.

However, a little voice in his head said "Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients so its not like you're the first..."

This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, "... but they probably weren't veterinarians"

Δαβίδ

i had to run away high so i wouldn't come home low.
♫♪
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Old October 2nd, 2004, 11:58 PM   #11
boognish
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i get it, funny

My Views Are Odd, I am Accutally a Republican
i dont suffer from insanity, i enjoy it
i swear to drunk im not god

pm me if anyone needs any kind of help, i probly know the answer you seek
i got a new email...
its gmail! it is: [email protected]
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Old October 3rd, 2004, 09:32 AM   #12
Dante
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MUSTARD

Monica went to the dry cleaners and said," Excuse me, I wold like to get my dress cleaned."
And the little old man was barely able to hear her and said,"What did you say?"
She replied,"I would like to get my dress cleaned sir."
And the old man still could not hear her and said,"Come again?"
She replied."
No, Mustard."


WHAT TIME IS IT

BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"

MAN: "It's 3:15."

BLONDE: (puzzled look) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

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Old May 1st, 2006, 05:48 PM   #13
Bobby
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Default Re: JOKES and RIDDLES

hahah those are funny... This is dumb but, A blonde, her friend, and a guy were in a restaurant. The blondes friend's name is Sexy. so the guy who is the blonde's boyfriend goes up to sexy and say's "hey Sexy" the blonde slaps him her boyfriend

"Only the most deluded of us could doubt the necessity of this war."
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Old May 3rd, 2006, 06:29 PM   #14
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Default Re: JOKES and RIDDLES

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.
The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades from sight.
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?" Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."
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Old May 12th, 2006, 07:17 PM   #15
Latino_Teen
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Default Re: JOKES and RIDDLES

that one is funny
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Old May 12th, 2006, 07:30 PM   #16
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Default Re: JOKES and RIDDLES

lol thats a good one!

~ A L E X ~

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Old May 17th, 2006, 09:48 PM   #17
Charlotte
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thanks, i liked it too
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Old May 20th, 2006, 04:58 AM   #18
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Default Re: JOKES and RIDDLES

Alright boys, today we're going to play submarine. Your mission is to navigate your way into that small cave, fire all torpedoes, and get the hell outta there. This is a very important mission, and we can't afford for any of you to get soft on us.
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Old May 21st, 2006, 03:03 AM   #19
Whisper
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Default Re: JOKES and RIDDLES

Damn Checking Account

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated
in this bank."


The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to
that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old
geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200
million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my damn money in this damn bank."

"I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

♫♪Κodie♪♫
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Old May 21st, 2006, 08:34 AM   #20
Bobby
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Default Re: JOKES and RIDDLES

hahaha that is good. I liked it!!

"Only the most deluded of us could doubt the necessity of this war."
-John McCain
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