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Old June 24th, 2010, 07:19 PM   #1
Gumleaf
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yesterday i had my most enlightening and beneficial therapy sessions yet. i arrived and she just asked me to talk about what i have been doing and feeling in the last little why since we last met. it was a good day for it, i was feeling like i needed to talk and tell someone what i was feeling. as part of that i let slip about vt. but that was ok, it was good. in a 60min session i talked for nearly 30mins without her getting a word in basically.

when i finally shut the hell up, she said that there was something i had said she wanted to focus on. that was the vt part. i can't remember what i actually said because i was rambling, but she told me i'm spending too much time worrying, stressing and caring about people online and that's affecting how i feel when she says i should be more focused on reality. but i really don't know if that's possible. i'm not sure if i could do that.

i told her how i felt. i told her how i would have no friends at all on this site if i didn't offer to care for these people. i told her how i know that if i didn't listen to the problems of my friends on here, that they wouldn't want or need me anymore. it's happened with people before. as soon as they didn't need me anymore they stopped being friends with me. my therapist still thinks its a good idea for me to be not so connected to people that i take their emotional problems with me too but i don't know if i can.

the problem is that its stirred old emotions up in me now. that of feeling alone, having no purpose and being a waste of time. too scared to even talk to my friends, scared that i will annoy them. the last time i was like this, i lost my best friend at the time because my stupidity upset her, amongst other things. i'm a mess, and thinking about times in the near future when i'm going to be alone has caused me to have a mini panic attack in class. all these bad feelings are coming back now. the most beneficial therapy session yet has turned into a total disaster now.

stephen

Always Hawthorn

Hawthorn Football Club

Strong As One

~Laura was here~
~Jessi should have been here~
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Old June 24th, 2010, 07:59 PM   #2
OnlyByTheNight.
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Default Re: <no title>

Hun as much as you don't want to hear it, I do think she has a very valid point. You should never get off VT feeling worse then you did when you got on! The reason this site was set up in the first place was to give people like us a safe place to be who we are and not to be judged or made feel bad about ourselves.
And honestly you don't need to be trying to help everyone with their problems for them to want to talk to you. If I never spoke to you about my problems I would still come and talk to you Stephen because you are my friend and I love talking to you, even if it is just silly little convos.
Don't let people drag you down with THEIR problems!

~Failure is not falling down, it's not getting back up again~

~Laura was here~
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Old June 24th, 2010, 09:44 PM   #3
Ryhanna
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The above is completley right.
Some people can't cope with the stress of not only their problems, but others... Just focus on yourself for a while.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
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Old June 25th, 2010, 03:55 AM   #4
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I can understand to some extent. VT is the only real attachment of interpersonal nature which I have in my life, and there are often times where that simple fact can trigger a series of concerning emotional responses. The more one cares, the more one is vulnerable to hurt and disappointment as a result of that dedication - it is something to either be accepted or regarded with caution - your choice.

It is in times like these where I tend to favour taking a break from the site, and largely from the internet as well. Dealing with issues amidst an emotional mess is not always efficient, in fact, the more one tries to untangle a knot, the tighter it will become. Give yourself some time and space, then return to the situation with a fresh mind - and all will seem less overwhelming.

I'm sorry I can't offer any more words at the moment, but I am always here for you hun, don't let the absurd negativity tell you otherwise.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
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Old June 25th, 2010, 06:15 AM   #5
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Stephen you do need a break from here. stephen we your friends understand that, we won't stop talking to you just because you can't listen to our problems. if someone does that stephen they were never really your friend. ill be here for you as much as you need it and if you take a break Ste we'll be waiting for you to comeback. vt is meant to be a safe haven if you only feel worse after you need a break. Ste hun you won't lose friends over needing help and a break for yourself, if someone leaves over that they're not worth your friendship.
im here for you Ste

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche


I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. ~ Stephen F. Roberts
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Old June 26th, 2010, 06:13 PM   #6
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I know I use helping other people as a distraction from my own problems, a meaning too my life and if your the same i don't think it can be a bad thing, although it is important you don't toally block out and ignore your own feelings. This will only cause you too blow up at some point or other. Remeber everyone on this site is here for you too!

You brought hate, pills and knives,
And this is how the tale begins.
Its your life, exist and wonder why.
When it only fails to work,
It only fails to work sometimes
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Old June 27th, 2010, 06:24 PM   #7
Gumleaf
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i can't get these thoughts out of my head right now. i haven't been this bad for months and thought i had got past this. i can't even talk to my friends now, well, unless they start talking to me because every negative thought in my brain tells me my friends will now hate me and stuff. i guess the only difference in recent days, well since saturday is that i am able to hide this better. i wish i knew what was wrong with me. i feel like a complete nutter.

stephen

Always Hawthorn

Hawthorn Football Club

Strong As One

~Laura was here~
~Jessi should have been here~
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Old June 27th, 2010, 06:32 PM   #8
Cloud
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumleaf View Post
i can't even talk to my friends now, well, unless they start talking to me because every negative thought in my brain tells me my friends will now hate me and stuff.
dont be stupid
mate if your friends are actually friends there not gonna turn round flick you the "V"s and fuck off
your true mates will stay buddy
i can assure you of that,
and those of them who piss off and leave ya are the stupid ones since its their loss

Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few-Winston Churchill
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiction
Oh of course. I so want you now.

~Laura was here~
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Old June 29th, 2010, 04:10 PM   #9
HellHound
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Everyone has his own little world.yours is vt,a place you can do what you want.i dont know you in person but you sound like a caring one.if u need someone that doesent judge on anything im here.

If you ever think i`m lying i am sorry for just expressing my opinion
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