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Old March 8th, 2010, 11:12 PM   #1
AverageS
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Default done, I hate my life

I fucking hate my life. Im a teenage boy and I just spent the last 20 minutes crying... that didn't help at all, that just makes me feel like Im a pussy and dislike myself even more. I want it to be like when I was really little. Kindergarden wasnt to bad but I was constantly bullied and even beat up a few times in 1-5 so I switched schools. 6th grade sucked, i didnt know anyone and had hardly any friends, only one really close. In 7th grade I got in trouble A LOT and was almost kicked out of my school, sent to counselors etc. This had the side effect of people thinking I was funny and that was nice, but 8th grade was pretty similar to this. Now I'm at about 3/4th of the way through my freshmen year and I fucking hate everyone at my school. I've gone to private schools my whole life, as did my brothers, and my family is really poor, cant really pay the bills, Im not sure what my parents do. All the kids there are really well off. I have never been on a vacation except when one of my "friends" took me on one with him. Everyone I know goes on vacations and such all the time, or if we hang out on the weekend they have all kinds of money to do things with "oh, my parents just gave me 25 dollars, just like they do every time I go out" I have no money to do things with... I have to spend my own. I've tried to get a job but no one wants to hire a 15 year old kid, didnt really think they would. I cant do anything I want to at school. I love to play soccer, but since I havent been playing on club teams my whole life I cant get on the schools team because they are so good... I doubt my family could even afford a club teams fees. I also think the drum line looks cool, but again my schools is too good and I would be making a fool of myself. I have also recently lost my faith. I hate that, Im raised in a religious family but I just doubt my faith so much, and even when I did have faith dying was my greatest fear and now thats just worse with me having a pretty good feeling that Ill just be gone... I dont like my "friends" They all belittle each other for fun, we cant just laugh and have a good time, we have to fuck with each other and be dicks, and after being bullied and a loner most of my life that gets to me real quick, and when I get mad they dislike me and my rep just gets worse. I just hate living my life, there's nothing I enjoy doing. Since I cant really do anything that I want to (soccer) and I hate the kids I go to school with Im stuck playing xbox with my friends, or computer games. Too bad my computer sucks and is from 2003 and freezes up, or that it just loses connection. It's also too bad that all these "friends" just talk shit about each other on xbox and get the biggest egos possible. I fail at being a geek and at being athletic/social, FUN. So to sum it up
1. I haven't been able to do things others kid always have (vacation)
2. I got bullied through most of grade school, and when I wasnt I was in trouble, so I hated grade school life
3. My family cant afford shit so Im stuck with the crappy hand me downs n such that I have, and the things I do have dont even work properly
4. I'm losing my faith
5. I cant do any school activities I want
6. I dont like the majority of my friends, I dont feel any real association to them
7. I cant stand going to school
8. As Im typing this I should probably be going to bed but thats not going to happen tonight

This is really messily typed and a bitch fest, but I really do hate my life and feel like Im reaching a low... I just sat there and cried while everyone else in my house slept. I had to make myself stop and get on here and do something. I just couldnt stop thinking about not having any real close friends, and how I've never really enjoyed my life since I've been in school...

On a side note, I'm just curious if this is plausible as Ive always wondered. I've always had a soft spot for kiddy things, not in a weird way, but in the sense of I find things to be adorable and such really easily. Im thinking maybe its because things like this are associated with early childhood and thats the only part of my life where I think I was truly that happy and wasnt sad about anything. (Im talking about when I see stuffed animals from my childhood/books my parents would read my I just kind of melt and such, I Dont tell anyone I know because Im sure they would make fun of me)
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Old March 9th, 2010, 02:01 AM   #2
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

I'm so sorry to hear all that :/ but have you ever tried looking at the positive sides of your life? like for example, at least you have a computer right? and dude, money doesn't bring happiness. happiness comes from within. if you had a billion dollars, yeah you'd have all the nice things and yeah you would be able to go on vacations, but thats not true happiness.

Your friends are young teenagers growing up. thats how boys are! don't take what they say seriously, because thats just their way of having fun. and i'm sure if you are not happy with them you can always find other friends! your in high school! there are plenty of people there for you to meet and talk to!

It is okay to feel negative about your life situation.. but everything happens for a reason, and in the future you will understand that. and look back at your hardships and troubles and be glad that you went through them. life is hard, we all understand and feel that.. but it is manageable and can be a joyous and memorable experience depending on the way you view it.

You will be okay, everything will get better in the future, don't worry!
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Old March 9th, 2010, 04:06 PM   #3
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

Just keep hurting yourself because that's a good idea?
You are aware of your problems and "limitations" so why don't you focus on behaving in school, that's a good initiative.

As for vacations, suck it up, not everyone has all the opportunities in the world.
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Old March 9th, 2010, 07:08 PM   #4
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

Hm... U should lift weights to make you stronger so u dont get bullied and i cant go outside so im always on my computer or xbox live i was bullied before i just stopped taking shit from people. Yep live's hard for you but dont take your own life over someone else.
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Old March 9th, 2010, 07:36 PM   #5
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

heeey!! come on, theres still so much to live for!! I'm like you, i always get hand me downs too, why dont you try raising money yourself to be on a club team? or maybe do chores for your parents?
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Old March 9th, 2010, 08:57 PM   #6
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

you can try to earn money for doing things for your neighbors
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Old March 10th, 2010, 12:32 AM   #7
AverageS
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

Thanks for commenting, but I was just in a bitchy mood. It seems to happen about once a week and then I just get over it. Just to clarify on things, I don't really have a behavior problem or anything like that, my teacher was crazy and has since been fired after only being at the school for 2 years. Now my teachers love me because I dont talk much as I dont feel much affiliation to the other kids. I dont find a lot of interest in yelling sex noises or talking about smoking weed or drinking. Been there, done that, nothing special, just really annoying and immature. The kids who agree with me on my viewpoint there are kids that I just dont want to talk to because they just aren't fun to me (they are the kind of kids who complain about pep rallies because they want to learn) My brother doesnt hang out with anyone he went to highschool with, nor did he when he was in highschool, he had friends who were his age in the neighborhood and now even as he has graduated from college he still talks to them. I have one guy about my age and I would say hes one of my real true friends. Also, I try to get into work out routines but I never stick. I got committed to one for a little over a month (lifting, running) but after I found out I had been lifting wrong, not ripping the muscle really, I got a little mad that I had been hurting my results and that along with a combination of being bored just made me stop. So thanks for the comments/concerns. Also it's to late for the whole club team things now, even if I want to. Too many people are just better than me and make the try outs over me, so even if I could pay I just couldnt stand up to play the best guys in my state after only playing for fun. Just wanted to clarify on some of the things said, and also say I'm better, for now at least. I wont be surprised if I get in some super depressed state for a night again and just hate everything. I feel really dumb about some of the things I typed above. Also, Watchfullness, please just dont say anything if it's not going to be constructive, I think I've seen you post in another topic with something that is just not helpful and would only go to make a person mad
Once again, thanks for commenting, and if you made it this far, reading another wall of text
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Old March 10th, 2010, 05:59 AM   #8
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

I am really glad that you came here and sought help this is a good step to helping you feel er and gain confidence. I always work out because getting in shape and just being all sweaty and doing something productive helps me keep my mind off my constant reminder of my demeaning life just remember you could have it a lot worse. if you ever need someone to talk to PM me anytime. i hope this helps

Contact me if you need to talk. I'm always here to help all
you have to do is be honest.

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Old March 10th, 2010, 07:15 AM   #9
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

Listen. I was not bullied, I was abused by many people when I was small. And since Kindergarten and up till 7th grade.

This is a turn point for me. And since then things changed.

My life turn flipped.

You say you never been to a vacation, you think I went to a vacation?

I was never out to vacations, I know a few friend of mine went for vacation.
But I never went to a vacation, never in my life seen another country.

I've only seen the sand of this land and nothing more.

You think you are poor?

Wait, let me tell you about me. First of all, my family income is pretty weak. My father works a security gaurd to a government building. He gets 240 K.D a month. My mother is a house wife, and we have a sick (maternal)grandmother.

We used to live in a nice apartment, a beach view and the renowned malls is not far from me, just a 5 minute walk. -4 years before-

And now, I live in a small side Assortment apartment which is meant for couple of labor expatriate and not a family. There is one room which separated by a wall, a not good looking kitchen and a scary bathroom.

The shift wasn't good. I live in a poor people's house and not fit for family.
But I grew adapted to it.

I have only one good friend, the only friend I only trust. He isn't like the rest.
He treats me well and I treat him well. We have known each other since kindergarten. Other friends I know just dumbed me later. One of them is kind of a reach boy, he's father and mother are working in a good job. Later, he realized I am not of his caliber. Left the school and ever since I never saw him.

May be a couple of time outside.

Another friend who was actually good when we were in 8th grade. But everything got shifted, he got corrupted beyond recognition. Smokes weed, drinks, sex and lies to us too much. I think this one died.

But That friend is with me, he keeps bugging me aircrafts though, he loves jetfighters. His friends are worser than yours, they call him names, they punk him. But he is a hidden genius and that's why I like most part of him.

My other friend is my ol' Playstation, yes both 1 and 2. I loved video gaming, I never had a comp but until recently.(on '08) I always played video games, and even on near exams, I never left them. I loved playing my games. That's how I wasted my time.

I bought back-up, cause they are around 3$, illegal it is, but real games cost around 70-50$ around here.

And no, no Ps3, Wii and Xfox now.

I was never too good in sports. I can't even run properly. And I am not fit as you see and I am being mocked and picked because of that. I don't appear fat. But it is hidden truth that I am incapable of doing things other do.

Nobody picked to play normal match on the floor of the apartment.

I never had internet either until past November.

Yeah, the only money I get is at the time of Eid, the religious holiday here. Think of it as Christmas, but we get money as a treat.

And I keep my money. I always take a kd or 2 (3-6 $) In case of an emergency. At times we get to play lan games with friends. We stopped going now. Now thing everything is expansive.

Local school are open for Kuwaiti and not immigrants. They are free.
+They are mainly in Arabic

For other to get educated, they must go to private schools. And private schools aren't free. More economic hurdle on my father.

There are no Bills and Taxes here. But to compensate, things are twice as expansive as where you are.


Quote:
1. I haven't been able to do things others kid always have (vacation)
I never went to a vacation in my whole life. I never did go, only my father did to care some funeral or wedding and that's all.

I sometime lied to my friends that I went here or there. But who am I lying to?
Simple; to my self.

Quote:
2. I got bullied through most of grade school, and when I wasnt I was in trouble, so I hated grade school life
I was abused physically and not just bullied and picked by other. Abused by seniors.

Quote:
3. My family cant afford shit so Im stuck with the crappy hand me downs n such that I have, and the things I do have dont even work properly
You think my PS, my Ol' Cellphone, my PS2 and my PC upgrade was my father's money?

It was all my own money I kept collecting.

And don't think my PC is some super comp like some of the kid have.

512 MB RAM DDRI
PIV 2.8 GB
256 5200 FX Ge-Force
80 Gb(actually ~60)+250 Gb external HDD I bought recently

That's what my comp is. And it is XP
Quote:
4. I'm losing my faith
Though I am not committing to it, but I always had my faith
Quote:
5. I cant do any school activities I want
There aren't any in my school. And even if there is, I am not capable of it.

Quote:
6. I dont like the majority of my friends, I dont feel any real association to them
Neither do I. I don't have majority friend, those are people I know through school.

And not neighbors or near by people I know. Even if there is, I won't be with them.


Quote:
7. I cant stand going to school
"Knowledge is power" My friend, I didn't like to go to school, but I wanted knowledge that will benefit me.

I got a lot, my life turn left and right. I stayed nights and days sad and hurt, cried my way through. Fantasizing if what if my life was if we had this or that.
But they are just day dreams.

But I never hated the life I am granted, because somewhat I am happy.

Why?

There are people surviving through trashes. People putting stones on their stomach to fend against the sensation of hunger on those nights. People sick, people have abnormalities.

I thank to whoever that made me into what I am.

Yes, it is a thing one day you will forget, you are the same the age when I was taking my life into pieces and think of them over like a paranoid person.

When you get older, you will know what I am talking about.

My life wasn't perfect, but I lived to its optimum level. And I am still doing it, this is my final year of my schooling and I should show some gratitude to those who incubated me and bear my pain of raising me. And show them good scores. I decided to leave everything and concentrate on my studies for now.

Nothing better than that for now.

So, what do you say.
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Old March 11th, 2010, 12:09 AM   #10
Evermore
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

Try thinking of the people's lives that suck way more then yours. Those people can have fun at times. Life's what you make it.
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Old March 11th, 2010, 03:01 AM   #11
Magus
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Default Re: done, I hate my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by lanceworren View Post
Try thinking of the people's lives that suck way more then yours. Those people can have fun at times. Life's what you make it.
There is and no need to think. Their life are more depressing and worse than us.
But still enjoy every bit of it even though they are deprived from many things.

Last edited by Magus; March 11th, 2010 at 03:09 AM.
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