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Old February 17th, 2010, 06:05 PM   #1
1_21Guns
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Name: Natalie
Join Date: May 16, 2009
Location: Hell.
Age: 23
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Default Paranoid? Paranoid doesn't even begin to cover it.

I'm continually paranoid that everyones laughing at me, talking about me, making some form of joke out of me.
I've always been paranoid, but its really bad at the moment, i've never known it this bad and its driving me insane.
I was at my dance lesson, 3 girls who were sat out (because they don't know the dance we were doing at the time) began laughing, it was like I could literally feel thier eyes on me, mocking me. I'm not even sure it was me they were laughing about. It just feels like they were. Its even getting so bad now i'm convinced that the hairdressers must find me annoying because I go nervous in a place I don't spend much time in, which makes me quiet and shy.
Nothing feels real anymore, if I experience something it will feel like a dream not long after.. like it didn't really happen, I just imagined it. I don't think I even know what i'm doing anymore... it just feels like i've lost control... everythings just slipping away and nothing is real anymore... maybe its because i'm made up of so many lies now and surrounded by so many lies I can't tell the difference anymore.
Whatever it is, I don't feel like ending my life at the moment... or cutting... I guess thats something. But thats probably only because i'm lost in this little dream life that none of my past ever existed in.
I haven't a clue why i'm even posting this. All I know now is i'm paranoid out of my mind, and have no ability to diferentiate real and fake.

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Old February 17th, 2010, 06:22 PM   #2
Mzor203
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Default Re: Paranoid? Paranoid doesn't even begin to cover it.

I am almost completely certain that the cause of this can be traced down to one of a few sources, those sources namely being forms of confidence or self-confidence.

I used to feel the same as you a lot of the time, and still do once in a while, however, it has abated for me and I think I can pinpoint the thing that has helped the most: Having a retail job.

That face-to-face interaction in a position where you are directly helping someone out can help a lot, especially as most interactions are rather brief and scripted to an extent. You get more comfortable with social interaction in general, and this in turn helps boost confidence.

Now that's just an example of something that helped me out. It's going to be different for a lot of people, but another thing I found to help was counseling, in a way.

Self-confidence can deteriorate if you're always feeling down or you're not in the best of help. I don't know your situation exactly, do you suffer from mental illnesses of any kind other than this paranoia? Coming directly from experience, every trigger is often attached to another trigger, so pinpointing one of your larger problems and facing it head-on can sometimes help to relieve yourself in other areas that are troubling you.

I'm going to flat-out suggest that you see a counselor or doctor of some kind. I don't know if you are, or if you have, but if you aren't, do so. For the longest time I tried to make excuses for why I shouldn't, but as soon as I did a lot of my larger issues cleared up incredibly quickly.
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Old February 28th, 2010, 09:27 AM   #3
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Default Re: Paranoid? Paranoid doesn't even begin to cover it.

One of my kind of sub-classes I took at school was about mental illnesses; and what I learnt was very frightening about people who suffer from things like depression, bi-polar, and other mental illnesses like schizofrenia.

What I learnt about scizhofrenia is that it is not it's commonly prejudiced twin personality that it is misconstrued with. In fact, it is rather that of feeling paranoid, anxious, lonely, isolated; and other alienated or similar feelings. These feelings paranoia and stress and such come from totally unidentifiable sources and cannot be traced; and when in critical environments which can exponentially increase these feelings - the person effected may begin to fall from society, begin to isolate themselves from friends, family, work. The effected may begin to stay at home, relying on friends and family to bring them food, or only going out to get food, and when watching TV or hearing a song on the radio may begin to think the song is about them, or that people are out to try and kill them, no this is not a joke I am being serious as I have heard it from someone first hand.

This schizofrenia is not the effected persons fault; but rather these feelings being constantly worked on until your mind can no longer hide from these emotions, until they can no longer escape the unending music of fear, resent, guiltiness, alienation.

Natalie - Paranoia, thinking everybody is talking about you; feeling their eyes on you like a weight. Unreal reality, you are becoming disconnected with your sarroundings nothing is real, everything is ethereal, and you are beginning to create lies; thinking that lies sarround you. Loss of control, linked to paranoia you believe that you have no influence over anything; like the world will still be the same without you and that you are insignificant. Insecurity, leads to isolation and fear of being embarassed or laughed at. What you are describing is a similar case to a previous schizofrenia sufferer who was a volunteer who came into my class to explain what difficulties arose with the mental illness and how it came to be; what feelings possesed him, and how it has ultimately effected his life.

I urge you to see someone about how you feel; so that you don't end up having the same fate as the man who spoke to us (try a free children's helpline? They have one of those commonly advertised here in Australia)- what really got me is how such a strong looking man could be so easily broken down and broken by such a thing, nobody is invulnerable to mental illnesses. Natalie, you are not alone; but whatever you do, do not let these feelings begin to manipulate you, such simple negative emotions and thoughts CAN begin to scar your mind and begin the horrendous transformation into a schizofreniac.

*Note to all, schizofreniacs and other sufferers of mental illnesses are not freaks, they should not be avoided or isolated, isolation is the HARSHEST thing that can happen to a sufferer, and can often lead to the person effected not finding help.

I can nearly guarantee that somebody close in your life whether it be your girl/boyfriend, your mum, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, role model, or even your best mate WILL suffer from a mental illness at one stage of their life. Do not ignore them, help them. Do not treat them any differently, befriend them, be there for them; because it might even be your one day who will suffer from a mental illness, and ending up in a cardboard box.

I say the last paragraph from experience, my mum and my sister both have depression, and when my mum had no support; my dad was there. When by sister was isolated from her new school and cried every night, my mum and her best friend was there. Little did I know these things were going on when I was 9 years old at the time, but after I was told; and I finally figured out why my mum suddenly stopped working and gained weight, and my sister's grades dropped from 95% to 45% did I finally understand. I doubt my mum and my sister would have gotten through depression without the understanding and help my dad their friends gave them, BE THERE FOR THEM.

I say this as a warning for anybody who comes into contact with somebody suffering from a mental illness.
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Old March 4th, 2010, 06:38 AM   #4
Scarface
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Default Re: Paranoid? Paranoid doesn't even begin to cover it.

i believe you need to make an appointment with you doctor because those delusional thoughts are going to make you crazy. i'm glad your not suicidal or self harming that's a good first step maybe a doctor or psychiatrist to talk to would help. i'm sorry that you have to go through this i hope things get better for you hun. PM me anytime if you need to talk

Contact me if you need to talk. I'm always here to help all
you have to do is be honest.

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